Only Once
by Reparata
Summary: It had only been that one time but apparently that was all it took. Just one time without a condom. Penny looked at the pregnancy test stick in her hand and marveled once again at how calmly she was taking this. Her hand was steady and her breathing was calm but beneath that calm exterior, flights of butterflies were swooping and fluttering throughout her stomach. Two bars!
1. Chapter 1

… a final comfort that is small, but not cold: The heart is the only broken instrument that works. ~ T. E. Kalem

Apartment 4B

It had only been that one time but apparently that was all it took. Just one time without a condom. Penny looked at the pregnancy test stick in her hand and marveled once again at how calmly she was taking this. Her hand was steady and her breathing was calm but beneath that calm exterior, flights of butterflies were swooping and fluttering throughout her stomach.

Two bars. She read the box and saw the code: Two Bars – YES! Adding insult to injury, there was a big smiley face symbol beside the 'YES!' on the box.

'Well, some people might be happy. I'd be happy if I were older, married to someone I loved, and had a future but what do I have going for me? Nothing and no one.'

She walked out into her bedroom and sat on her bed and started to cry quietly as if she might disturb someone, anyone, but she was alone in her apartment and in her situation.

She didn't think she would ever laugh again.

* * *

Apartment 4A

"Sheldon, what's up with you and Penny? You two have a fight or something?" It had been nearly two months since Howard and Bernadette's wedding.

"Leonard, I do not wish to talk about it. Under Section 7, Paragraph 4, Subsection 2a, it clearly states that once one party indicates to the other party that a subject is not to be discussed, it shall not be discussed. Do you still have your copy of the Roommate Agreement or should I print out another for your review and familiarization?"

Leonard had at least 4 copies of the Agreement, all provided to him by Sheldon in similar circumstances. He decided to try another tack, avoiding sailing directly into the wind this time.

"Should I not have invited her over for Thai tonight? It's our standing arrangement, Sheldon, that we invite others over for – "

"I shall not be here for dinner, Leonard. I have something to finish up at work. I'll take the bus so don't worry about driving me. I've been involved in a project that is off-the-books and so I have to make adjustments to my schedule to ensure access to the Cray Super Computers. It's been on-going for the past month or haven't you been aware of my repeated absences?"

"All right, Sheldon Cooper, that's enough of this. You don't have anything to 'finish up at work'. You don't want to be around Penny, I get it. What I don't understand is 'why'? She's been our friend – "

"She's been your ex-girlfriend twice over. We were never friends. A friend wouldn't have – oh, no, Leonard, this is clearly a violation of Section 7, Para – "

"I get it. I just – I just don't want it to feel awkward tonight."

"My absence will hardly make things 'awkward' for any of the attendees. They're _your _friends, not mine, Leonard. I'm just the roommate. They were your friends before I met you and they'll remain your friends long after I'm gone."

Sheldon closed his laptop and stuffed it into the messenger bag and looped the bag over his shoulder and stalked out of the apartment.

He stopped in the front of the apartment door across from his and listened intently but couldn't hear anything so he proceeded down the stairs and out onto the street. He needed to think and decide what to do about what had happened to him.

* * *

Later that evening

Leonard knocked hesitantly at Penny's door. Since the Beta Test failure, he'd avoided Penny but not to the extent that Sheldon did. He didn't change his entire schedule around simply to avoid her on the stairs like Sheldon did. He didn't change Laundry Night from Saturday to Fridays to avoid her like Sheldon did. He didn't create projects to absent himself from the apartment on nights they got together for dinner or video games like Sheldon did.

They were both his dear friends and even though things were through between them, he felt that Penny held the key to Sheldon's weird behavior and he wanted answers. The tension that seemed to permeate the apartment whenever one of the two of them was there was palpable and even newly-married Howard, oblivious to most things since his marriage, had detected it.

Penny heard the knocking and recognized it as Leonard's. An idea, a horrible, despicable idea, came to her and she resolved to follow through on it.

She wiped the tears from her eyes and then walked calmly to the door and opened it.

"Hi, Leonard, we have to talk. Please come in." She was calmly about to destroy three lives and she didn't know if she could do it. _'Four lives. Mine, his, Sheldon's and my baby's. Is it worth it?'_

Leonard sat on the couch and watched as Penny walked over and sat down beside him, closer than one would expect considering how they'd ended their second attempt at a relationship and all his defenses were suddenly on full.

"Leonard, you know my OB/Gyn took me off the pill three months ago because I was having dizzy spells and she was concerned. We were still together and – "

"I used condoms every time, Penny. You know that. You put them on me doing that thing with your mouth – "

"They're not infallible, Leonard. Nothing is. I'm pregnant." _'Dear God, forgive me…'_

"I want a paternity test run as soon as it's safe for your baby. Let me know what is required of me. Of course, I'll pay for it, Penny. I just have to be sure it's mine."

"Wha – what? You don't think it's yours? What kind of girl do you think I am, Leonard Hofstadter? And what kind of man are you to – "

"Just do it, Penny. Then we'll talk and make plans."

Some things had become instantly clear to Leonard. Sheldon would have been proud of his logical thought processes and of his conclusion.

Point: Sheldon and Penny disappeared together early during the wedding reception. Sheldon had caught a cab back to their apartment and was gone early in the morning when Leonard came back, hung over.

Point: Sheldon began regressing, covering himself with layers of new habits, creating tasks at CalTech that required his presence almost all the time. When he was in the apartment, he really wasn't.

Point: Penny never came to the apartment to borrow anything nor did she agree to attend Vintage Game Night or Thai Night until after she'd hinted around that she might have something else to do if Sheldon were going to be there.

Something had happened between Penny and Sheldon that night and it had destroyed his friend's self image and self esteem. _Penny_ had destroyed them.

Something had happened between Penny and Sheldon at the wedding reception and made Penny almost afraid to be in the same room with Sheldon.

He stopped at the door, his back to her. He still had feelings for her but because he did, he would take the high road.

"Penny, did you know that Sheldon was a virgin? Do you have any idea how much he cares for you? Loves you, even? If I can see it, why can't you? Maybe, maybe you need to ask the father of your baby to take the test, not the runner-up."

Leonard closed the door quietly and walked over to his own apartment and sat down and tried to put his emotional house in order. His friend, his best friend, was in a dark place and he had been so cavalier about it and now that his suspicions were confirmed, he needed an action plan to get those two together.

He loved Penny but above all, he wanted her happy and if she couldn't be happy with him then he was quite content to see that she was happy with someone else. Even if it was Sheldon.

Penny poured herself a large glass of vodka and then stopped. _'What am I doing?'_ She poured the glass out into the sink and then poured the contents of all her liquor and wine down the same drain. She put the palms of her hands over her lower abdomen and pushed gently, trying to feel it – her child.

She had no money. She was behind on her rent and light bills. She had no future that she could see. She could go on state aid until after the baby came but what then? She couldn't afford a baby and keep the apartment. How could she survive when she had to quit work? And what about day care and…it was too much to think about.


	2. Chapter 2

I met Condi Rice this afternoon! Got a pic with her. Cool. Doug's going to go all Sheldon-y on me!

Reparata

* * *

"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."  
― Elle Newmark, _The Book of Unholy Mischief_

This part is mostly Sheldon, setting the stage for the confrontation. Leonard is OOC but I've beaten the crap out of the little white worm (John Carter quote!) enough.

Part 2

He stared out the window of the bus as it turned onto a street not on his route. He knew that Euclid Avenue was under construction and figured, correctly, that the bus was following a detour. He glanced at the other passengers and saw no concern or panic so he dismissed the idea that someone had hijacked the bus and was going to hold them for ransom. It was a silly idea anyhow. Of all those on the bus, only he was of any value to society. The others were common people, maids, busboys, nurses, day laborers…waitresses…

He closed his eyes and tried to scrub the memory of soft skin, her elegant neck, her green eyes and long blonde hair that was so incredibly soft and silky and how she writhed in pleasure and held his head where she needed it and her whimpers and moans…

He adjusted his pants to relieve some of the pressure and his thoughts again drifted back to the night of Howard and Bernadette's wedding. She and Leonard had once again failed to maintain a relationship and both of them were at the wedding and each was drinking heavily and staring daggers at one another.

_Penny approached him from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist and asked him to 'dance with me, Moon Pie'. He didn't dance. He could dance. His mother had made sure that he'd attended dancing lessons every Saturday afternoon until he left for University. He could dance. He just preferred not to but that night she'd looked so lost and lonely so he'd taken her in his arms and they danced. And danced._

_She fit perfectly against him like they were halves of the same whole. He whispered that she looked very beautiful and she'd giggled and called him 'Leonard' and he ignored it._

_He kissed her in the elevator and it was like lighting a fire. She dragged him into her room and they were both naked and sweating and it was pure heaven until – she laughed at him. Him, not Leonard. She had called out his name and whispered lewd things as he fingered her and then as his tongue pleasured her. But then…_

_She laughed at his clumsiness and how quickly he ejaculated. He told her his secret, that he'd loved her for so long, and she laughed so hard she almost fell out of the bed and when he burst out of her room into the hallway he could still hear her laughter._

Thanks to eidetic memory, every nuance of that evening would be forever with him. Forever. It was a beautiful memory right up to the point where she'd laughed at him and from that point in time he'd pulled back into his shell, cutting himself off from all human contact, insulating himself from their laughter.

He was half paying attention to the passing landscape when a small house with a 'Bank Owned – in Foreclosure' sign caught his eye. If he could have imagined the 'perfect house' he would have imagined that one. He made a note of the bank's telephone number and then sat back and began mentally reviewing his financial situation.

He needed a change of environment. He couldn't look at her without feeling such incredible sadness and so he avoided her and any instance where they might meet face to face. Yes, he needed a new environment where the probability of seeing her was small, infinitesimal, statistically impossible even.

He was an excellent financial risk. He had money in the bank thanks to his early training that stressed saving a large portion of one's paycheck as a safety net against the vagaries of life. He didn't require much in the way of furniture or fixtures and unlike some people, he could walk through a mall without spending his entire paycheck on a pair of shoes.

* * *

CalTech Employee Credit Union

Sheldon had only been to the Credit Union office once before – years earlier – when he had established his savings plan and arranged monthly direct deposits from his paycheck. He did, however, visit the website and review his account and make periodic adjustments to the amount of his direct deposit into savings. His current percentage was 41% and he could probably have allocated more but he did have his wild side: model trains and video games and comic books and action figures (not dolls) still in their packages (_investments_; they were investments).

A loan officer reviewed his accounts and smiled across the desk at him.

"Dr. Cooper, you have an outstanding credit report and I'm sure the loan committee will look favorably on your request for a mortgage. The only question I have for you, and it's personal, is why such a large house? You're single and – "

"I love the house. I'm tired of living in an apartment. It's near work and it is in a great neighborhood with excellent schools."

"Ah, I see. Planning ahead for a family? Good. Too many young people just throw their money away on 'things' without considering the future."

"When do you suppose I'll have the loan committee's response to my application?" He hadn't planned as his loan officer thought, he simply needed to be away from his old environment and her.

* * *

He took the bus down town to the zoning office and purchased a set of architect's drawings as well as the zoning board's property evaluation and assessment. Sheldon Cooper was not going to be unpleasantly surprised some day to discover that the zoning board had approved a 7-11 across the street. He viewed his home as an investment as well as a domicile.

'Who knows, as unlikely as it seems today, tomorrow I might meet the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. A home such as this one will certainly prove a powerful inducement to eventual marriage and children. It's possible. Unlikely but still possible.'

His thoughts turned to the two women in his life with whom he'd been 'intimate'.

_'Not every woman is cruel. Ilsa was not cruel just selfish and guarded and Penny…was drunk and probably never gives that horrible night a second thought – if she remembers it at all.'_

* * *

_512 Willow Glen Lane_

A bank representative took him on a tour of the house and Sheldon made many, many notes in his notebook about things that would need repair, things he might want to add over the next year and of course, things to bitch about when it came time to negotiate the price.

Surprisingly enough, there were no 'negotiations'. The bank's asking price was more than fair but Sheldon had sat beside his Grandpa at many a horse auction and knew that the first price was just a beginning. By the time he was through, the banker had agreed to his offer of considerably less than the asking price and was elated to take his sizeable check as a deposit.

"Assuming the loan goes through, when may I take possession? I will need painters in here and, of course, the stucco near the garage requires repair as does the…"

"You can have your contractors begin work as soon as the check clears the bank, Dr. Cooper. Real estate closing will be very simple. You should be able to take possession within a few days of your loan approval."

_'I need to let Leonard know that I'm leaving. It's only fair that he have some advanced warning. His finances are his business but I don't know if he can handle the expenses on his own. Well, he can always have Penny move in and split the rent.'_

He had a rude thought about Leonard 'taking it in trade' but dismissed it as being beneath him as well as disrespectful to Penny. He hid his feelings for her from everyone but himself.

* * *

Next: Facing reality


	3. Chapter 3

You get another because I'm waiting patiently for my creds to be validated and then I'll be out of touch for a day or two or more (if I'm lucky).

Reparata B

* * *

"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."  
― Elle Newmark, _The Book of Unholy Mischief_

CalTech Employee Credit Union – 2 weeks later

"Dr. Cooper, your loan has been approved. You have excellent credit and with the size of your down payment, well, it was a sure thing. You take possession anytime after the real estate closing which is tomorrow at 9am. Congratulations."

"Thank you. There are several repairs that need to be made and I've already engaged a contractor to handle those things I can't do myself. All the inspections were satisfactory. I plan on being out of my apartment by the end of the month so closing is perfect me."

He thanked his loan officer again for her courtesy and took the keys and returned to work. He had much to do and his vacation request had been approved and for the next 45 days his schedule was quite full. He still had 35 days accrued that he would need to take before the end of the fiscal year or he'd lose them. It was his first vacation in the 9 years he'd been at CalTech.

He had already hired a lawn maintenance firm to give the grounds a much-needed once-over and after that he would do his own mowing and pruning. Utilities were turned on and all he had to do was finish boxing up his clothing, linens and personal items and tag what few pieces of furniture were his, such as his bed, and the movers would place everything where he'd diagrammed it on the architect's plans he'd bought from the Zoning and Planning Board.

* * *

Apartment 4A – Wednesday afternoon

"You're leaving? You're breaking your lease? You're leaving?" Leonard was appalled at the news. He hadn't thought that things with Sheldon had gone from bad, and it was very bad, to worse and now he was moving out.

"Yes, Leonard but I'm hardly breaking the lease. I've paid the rent through the renewal date and I've moved the utilities into your name but yes, I'm leaving. The movers will be here Thursday and I'll be out of your hair as of 8am Friday morning."

"You're leaving?" He squinted up at his tall friend, suddenly realizing the implications. Sheldon wasn't 'spontaneous'. Nothing in his life was done without a careful plan. He'd planned this in painstaking detail and now he was leaving.

Sheldon felt badly for Leonard. He'd have to shoulder the entire utility bill and he hadn't considered the financial impact on his short friend.

"You'll be able to find a new room mate in no time, Leonard. Here is a list of websites for matching room mates and I've also taken the liberty of posting the vacancy on the University Intranet."

"Sheldon, what brought this on? It's so sudden. I didn't know you were looking for another apartment. Why didn't you say something before? Whatever it is that's bothering you, talk about it. We can fix this. There's no reason – "

"Leonard, Leonard, Leonard…it's nothing that can be fixed. I simply have to move on. You've been an excellent room mate and I shall miss the Vintage Game nights and our trips to movies and the Comic Book store but things have changed and I need to change with them."

"It's Penny, isn't it? Something happened between you two at the wedding, didn't it?" He watched Sheldon's face and saw the beginnings of the swarm of tics that signified that whatever he was going to say was a lie. Sheldon Cooper could not lie to save his life.

"No! Nothing happened. Nothing!" The tics were in full bloom and Leonard felt a sudden twinge of empathy for the Mantis Man standing before him. He'd been there and knew exactly how Sheldon felt.

"At least talk with her before you leave, Sheldon. You guys were great friends and – "

"She was your friend not mine, Leonard. Perhaps with me gone you should entertain allowing her to move in and maybe the closeness will spark – well, the third time may be the charm for you two. At least she won't laugh at you."

He clapped a palm over his mouth in horror but the truth was out there. _You can't put toothpaste back in the tube. _Leonard was stunned by his friend's inadvertent admission.

Whatever had happened between the two former friends had ended when Penny laughed at him. What – no, it couldn't be that. Not asexual _Homo Novus_ Sheldon Cooper. But Leonard had already figured out that Sheldon was the father of Penny's child. She had as much as admitted it. He was torn between blurting out the truth and allowing Sheldon to remain clueless.

Fate and Penny chose that moment to walk into the apartment unannounced to get some tea to calm her stomach. It was the first time either of them had laid eyes on the other since the night of the wedding reception.

Leonard was a scientist, a trained observer, and he knew exactly what had happened and why Sheldon was leaving. Penny had done what she does best – hurt men. At least that was the conclusion he reached. He was wrong about it being what she did best but not that she had hurt his friend.

"Penny, now is not a good time. I'll call you when – " he started to say to Penny but Sheldon interrupted him.

"No, that's fine, Leonard. I have to be going. The movers will be here Thursday and I gave them my spare key. I'll leave the keys on your desk at the University Friday morning."

Sheldon didn't overtly acknowledge Penny's existence but he noted every detail of her clothing and her physical status. She was positively glowing with good health and she had waltzed into Leonard's apartment without knocking, something she usually never did during the daylight hours. _'Perhaps the third time __will __be the charm.' _He gently closed the door for the last time and walked down the stairs to the street to await a bus.

* * *

Penny flopped on the couch in Sheldon's spot and started to cry. He was leaving the building, maybe even California and she hadn't had the nerve to even say 'Hi' to him. She couldn't look him in the eye – not after what she'd done to him. The fact that she had been drunk and wasn't thinking weren't very good excuses.

"I'm sure you've figured out that he's moving out. I didn't even know that he was looking for another apartment. You have got to deal with him sooner or later, Penny. You're having his baby and he has a right to know and you have an obligation to tell him if only to arrange for child support."

Penny said sadly, "I think I'm going to have an abortion, Leonard. I'm not a fit mother and what kind of life could I give my baby on a waitress' salary? I hate to ask, Leonard, but I need money for the clinic and I promise to pay you back. Maybe I'll tell Sheldon after I - "

"No! Talk to him first before you do anything drastic like terminating your pregnancy. It's the right thing to do, Penny. Sheldon's an honest and ethical man and I'm sure he'll want to provide financial support for his child."

"I'm not sure it is his child, Leonard, but I can't wait. I need to do something now not in 6 weeks, now!"

"Penny, you know that's a lie. You know that it's Sheldon Cooper's baby you're carrying and you know the right thing to do is to at least tell him you're pregnant and – "

"Oh, that's good, Leonard. I can just imagine _that_ conversation. He'll lecture me on being 'sloppy' and not taking precautions and then he'll start in on my lifestyle and how I'm not 'fit to breed' because I'm stupid and have no future. I can't tell him, Leonard, I just can't."

"Then I'll tell him. He's my best friend and you're special to me and I won't stand idly by while you ignore him and – "

"Don't you _DARE_, Leonard Hofstadter. It's none of your damned business!"

"You were willing to have me believe you were carrying _my_ baby not too long ago, Penny. It is my damned business!" He took out his cell and dialed Sheldon.

"Leonard, please, please, don't tell him. Let me. I promise – "

'_Hello, Leonard. What's the problem?'_

Leonard had to do something before Sheldon got away or Penny killed him to keep him quiet about the baby so he blurted it out.

"Sheldon, Penny's pregnant and it's your child. She wasn't going to tell you but I think you have the right to know. Talk to her, Sheldon." He handed the phone to Penny who looked at it like it would bite her. Leonard flipped it on speaker.

"_Humph. I doubt it's my child, Leonard. More likely it's yours since the statistical probability of an impregnation from a single bout of a brief and unsatisfactory exercise in coitus is extremely low given the – "_

"I don't want anything from you, Sheldon, except your forgiveness. I was horrible to you and – " She was trying not to cry again. She hated Leonard at that moment. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Now all she wanted was to apologize and disappear.

"_Yes, you were, but given the circumstances I suppose your reaction was appropriate to the situation and therefore no apology is necessary. One need not apologize for teaching another a basic life lesson. I suppose it is I who should apologize for thinking - "_

Her sobs interrupted him and Leonard took the phone back.

"Sheldon, you need to talk to her. It's your kid she's carrying, not mine. We always used a condom even when she was on the pill. _Come back here and settle this thing._ She's nearly hysterical and it's not good for the baby. And another thing, she's talking about getting rid of it so the least you can do is pay for the damned procedure if that's her choice."

"Sheldon?" Dead air. If he knew his friend, he was probably hyperventilating and on the verge of a nervous collapse on the sidewalk.

"Sheldon? Sheldon, are you okay?" Dial tone.

"Damn him! He hung up on me. The stupid – "

BAM! BAM! BAM! "Open this damned door, Leonard Hofstadter, or I'll – "

* * *

I'm tempted to post all the chapters at once but...I won't. Just wanted everyone to anticipate what comes next.

Reparata B


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: To the anonymous reviewer re abortion: I try to write real-life situations and let's face it, abortion, regardless of what name you give it, is an option that many women opt for. One thing I would ask that you all think about: doesn't the man, who faces 18 years of child support payments, have a say-so if the woman is considering abortion? It took two willing people (excluding rape/incest etc.) to make the baby. Maybe my scenario would be more common or maybe not. Not preaching just curious.**

* * *

"_When It's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you_." - **Anonymous**

Chapter 4

Penny let out a shriek as Sheldon burst into the apartment looking like a wild man. The look in his eyes…

"Sheldon, talk to her, please? Don't lecture, talk. I'm going to run down to the – "

"No, you're _not_. I need you to help me with her bags and then drive us to my place. I'm going to take care of her and our baby." There was no doubt about his intentions and Leonard was suddenly very proud of his friend. Sheldon was angry and he wasn't sure at whom or what but the resolve in his voice was unmistakable.

"I'm not going with you. This is my decision and – "

"Leonard, go to her apartment and pack as many of her clothes as you can get in the available luggage. I'll come over tomorrow with boxes and take out the rest of her personal stuff. I'll add her furniture and personal items to my mover's manifest and they'll pick it up with mine on Thursday."

"Are you deaf, Sheldon? I said I wasn't going with you. Who the hell do you think you are ordering me around like some – "

"Don't finish that sentence, Penny." He stood tall and unyielding, not at all like the stoop-shouldered Sheldon she'd come to know. "You are hardly financially able to bear the expense of proper medical care and nutrition while I, on the other hand, have more than enough resources to handle anything that may come up. Leonard, why are you standing there like some short, myopic, cigar store Indian? There are things to be done so move it, Leonard. Chop chop!"

Hiding his grin, Leonard hurried over to Penny's apartment. Sheldon Cooper was like an elemental force of Nature when he set about overcoming obstacles in his path. He hoped Penny was up to it.

'_This is going to be the most interesting gestation period of all time! Perhaps my mother would find the time to counsel Sheldon and Penny on…ewww. What the hell was I thinking? Look how I turned out.'_

* * *

"Penny, I have a proposition for you that I think you'll find will provide a resolution of sorts to both your immediate and long term situations."

Penny got off the couch and stood at the kitchen counter, her back to him. She didn't want to even look at him, she was that mad at his supreme arrogance.

"Go ahead, Sheldon, I'm all ears." She was pissed at Sheldon for being his usual self-righteous and overbearing self but she was also relieved. She wasn't in this alone. Her baby's father would –

"We will marry as soon as possible. During the term of our marriage I will pay for everything and as an incentive to following your doctor's directions, I will pay you $1,500.00 each month until the baby is born. At that time, we will divorce and you will grant me sole custody of our child. I will agree to pay you $1,000.00 per month in alimony until such time as you remarry or I die. You get a nice nest egg to get started again and I will finally have someone in my life to love and cherish until I die. I promise you, Penny, not a day will go by without my child being told and shown that she is loved and cherished without reservation."

She turned and looked at him and saw yet _another _ version of Sheldon Cooper that she'd never seen before. _'Twice in one night? Wow!' _She saw a man who desperately wanted to love and be loved in return. They were all so wrong about Sheldon Cooper.

Penny remembered what he'd told her that night in her hotel room and more than anything she wanted to turn back the clock and have things turn out differently. She answered him in a quiet voice.

"And what if I decide to go ahead with an abortion? What then?"

"Then since I'm responsible for your condition, I will accompany you to the clinic, hold your hand if allowed, and pay for any fees or charges as well as any follow-up visits you might need with your physician."

He'd presented her with a clear choice but had made his case clear to her and even though he said he'd support her decision to have an abortion, it was obvious which option he desperately wanted her to choose.

"Okay, Sheldon. Have the papers drawn up and I'll sign them. We'll marry and once the baby is born, divorce. What about visitation and – "

"None. You were considering a procedure to terminate your pregnancy. I hardly think you'll want to be reminded of that night . I'll tell her she was adopted or that you died or something. It'll be a lie but somehow I'll make her believe it."

"Her?" He'd used the pronoun 'she' and 'her' almost exclusively. She was ignoring the 'you died' comment for now. There would be ample time to renegotiate their agreement.

"I'm hoping for a little girl but as long as the baby is healthy, I'll be happy."

"What if it's like me? Y'know, 'stupid'?" It was a reasonable question. She didn't want her child rejected by its father because it wasn't up to his standards.

"It will not matter one iota, Penny. I'm not breeding a superior being; this is not a science experiment. I'm hoping for a healthy child that I can raise in an environment of love and support, not benign indifference and ridicule but regardless, I shall love it and cherish it until I die."

Penny felt the prickle of tears forming and she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. She never expected such passion from Sheldon Cooper but there it was. It was also a key to just what made him 'Sheldon'. She didn't notice that he hadn't objected to her description of herself as 'stupid' and wouldn't remember it until much later.

"If I'm blessed with a girl, I hope she has your comeliness and grace and not mine. Good lord, a child who looks like a cross between a Praying Mantis and a neurotic Big Bird would not have an easy time of it."

She smiled but didn't laugh. She'd laughed one time too many at Sheldon Cooper.

"I can see your point. Tell me about your new apartment? Where is it and how many bedrooms does it have? And bathrooms. How many bathrooms?" She didn't want to sleep in a bed with Sheldon Cooper. That was a mistake she couldn't ever see herself repeating in this lifetime.

"Apartment? Oh, I see. Leonard mentioned an apartment. He's wrong. He made the assumption that I, like him and Raj, would always be a tenant but he was wrong. I have a 4-bedroom, 3-bath home a short distance from the University. I can either bike to work or walk or, in dire situations, ride the bus. You'll have your own room and bath as will the baby but that won't be your concern. There is a fenced front yard. The back yard has an 8' privacy fence and is totally secure."

"Wow, Sheldon! I'm really impressed."

"I'm sure you are, Penny," he said dryly. He didn't care if she were impressed or not. He was only interested in keeping her healthy and reasonably happy during her gestation period. After that, she was of no importance to him. She wasn't. Really, she wasn't. _'She's simply the vessel that carries my child, that's all.'_

'_LIAR!' _his subconscious roared at him.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Given the comments, I think you all forget that these chapters take place over a very small time frame and that like all human beings, even Sheldon Cooper can find himself between the dog and the fire plug on occasion.

As for Penny's ready acceptance of the offer, it's fiction, okay? Just fiction. No one has ever found them selves carrying a child and being so overwhelmed that they grasp at the first offer of a safe haven, right? Right? Thought so.

You guy readers, keep in mind that you have ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NO IDEA what impact this situation would have on a woman.

Anyhoooo…thanks for participating in the Great Experiment with me.

Reparata B

* * *

In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. ~Mignon McLaughlin, _The Second Neurotic's Notebook, _1966

As they pulled away from the apartment building, Sheldon was struck by how precipitously he'd acted and it wasn't like him at all to act without thinking things through.

"Leonard, we need to make one stop before arriving at my home. I have not thought this through and there are – well, I haven't thought it through. I apologize, Penny, for my lack of forethought but…given the circumstances, I think my lapse can be overlooked. Walmart, Leonard."

He glanced back at Sheldon's image in the rear view mirror. He was smiling and it was a normal, human smile not his usual Joke-ish grin.

"To Walmart it is, Sheldon." Sheldon had insisted that Penny sit in the front seat because "it has reliable seat belts that don't cut across your abdomen so that in the unlikely event of a head-on collision, you won't be damaged. Just remember to egress the vehicle smartly to avoid being caught in a flaming conflagration."

Penny had rolled her eyes but Leonard glanced at her and noticed a tiny smile threatening to break out. Sheldon had always insisted on sitting in the front for the very reasons he'd cited to her.

'He's really serious about taking care of her. I'm really amazed at his…no, I'm not. He has survival plans written for hundreds of scenarios and he's always included Penny in them. My mother would find this entire episode worthy of a paper. I'll Skype her and fill her in on the gory details.'

Sheldon returned 40 minutes later pushing two shopping carts. He apologized profusely but said that he kept thinking of 'stuff' that they'd need until their goods arrived Friday.

"What all did you buy, Moon Pie?" Penny was curious and 'Moon Pie' had just slipped out.

"This bag is for you. The rest you'll have to wait until we get home to peruse."

Penny rifled through the bag and had to stop. '_He got my shampoo and conditioner and my body wash and lotion and my hand crème. How did he – oh, yeah, Mr. Eidetic Memory meets the injured naked waitress in the bathtub. But that was years ago…'_

"Thank you, Sheldon. This is very thoughtful of you. Really, thanks." _'Home has a nice ring to it even if it is just temporary'._

"What shift are you working tomorrow, Penny? I need to have your car towed to the mechanic and have that 'check engine' light investigated and repaired as well as give it a safety check and repair or replace anything that is substandard. I'll ensure that you have safe and reliable transportation."

"Morning shift. They can pick it up at the Cheesecake Factory." She was resigned to her fate. Sheldon Cooper was 'in charge'. She kinda liked it – being taken care of, pampered, her every need met.

Leonard muttered something under his breath and Sheldon called him on it.

"Leonard, don't be ridiculous. There's no pod under my bed. If you paid attention to the film at all, you'd realize that the pod would have created 'me' while the old 'me' would be a dissolving mess of protoplasmic goo. Look for a puddle of protoplasm if you must check. Really, Leonard…"

"Do I turn here, Sheldon?" He was tired of listening to him pontificating from the back seat. Somehow it was more irritating than when he sat beside him in the front seat.

* * *

512 Willow Glen Lane

"Wow, Sheldon…" It was all Penny could manage to get out before she undid her seatbelt and got out, her bag of 'necessities' clutched against her chest.

It was a U-shaped, 2-story Spanish style home with reddish orange clay roof tiles over a light brown stucco finish. There were window boxes below each window (without flowers since the house had been vacant for quite a while) and the lawn was immaculate as were the hedges and planting beds. Leonard had parked the car in the circular driveway and was just staring at Sheldon.

"Are you sure we're at the right address, Sheldon? This house is huge and there's only gonna be you…" He stopped before he swallowed the foot he'd shoved into his mouth. Sheldon Cooper was not a spendthrift by any means and if this house was his, then it was, and probably not carrying much of a mortgage either.

"Yes, Leonard. It was in foreclosure and the bank was very anxious to get out from under it. At the time, my thoughts were focused on another issue entirely as you well know."

"Can we go inside?"

"Why, of course, Penny. It's your home now. I mean…"

"Yeah, I know. So give me the grand tour while Leonard fetches my bags like a good boy." She grinned at Leonard and blew him a kiss. She was kidding and he knew it but still, Penny and Sheldon, together, still made him wonder if he was dreaming or not.

Penny fell in love with the house a room at a time starting with the foyer and it's Spanish tile flooring and then the spacious but empty living room area and of course, the kitchen with its quarry tile counters and stainless steel appliances and island group with bar stools along one side. The high ceilings made even small spaces seem airy and open.

The final push was the master bedroom ('this will be yours during your stay, Penny. It's far too big for just me.') It was huge and had two walk-in closets (his & hers) and a master bath that was enormous and all white tile and tub – a garden tub. There was a small balcony and she could just imagine…

"There's no bed, Sheldon." _'…far too big for just me…' Are we going to share the bed…room?'_ She didn't know what to make of her thoughts on the subject.

"Picky-picky. Your bed is in a bag downstairs. It's just for tonight. I hadn't planned on sleeping here just yet but tomorrow if the movers haven't set up your stuff in here, I'll get you a hotel room. We have 3 more rooms to see so, moving right along…"

The final room was his bedroom but he qualified it with 'I shall sleep here but this will be the baby's room'.

"It has its own bathroom and on sunny days, the French doors open out onto a balcony that I will have child-proofed before she takes her first step. Perhaps I might let her have the middle bedroom instead of converting it to an office/study. The balcony accessibility to a toddler would give me nightmares."

To say she was touched was an understatement. He hadn't purchased the house with a child in mind but he quickly tailored his intentions to dovetail with the situation he found himself in.

"I'll be very happy here, Sheldon. I don't know what to say…"

"Say nothing at all, Penny. Now, I imagine you'll want to place your furniture in your own manner so I'll get you a set of floor plans and you can set up the Master Bedroom in whatever manner suits you."

She was imagining her things here in this beautiful room that was nearly as big as her own living room and bedroom combined. The high beam ceilings and the Spanish-style plaster work made the room seem cozy even given its size.

_'I can put my couch here and Sheldon's chair over by the balcony doors and…'_

Things got awkward and Sheldon excused himself and went down to the kitchen where he'd dumped the bags and asked Leonard what he thought.

* * *

"It's incredible, Sheldon! This house is so…you. I know, I know, that makes no sense but if a house ever fit the owner, it's this one."

"Well, thank you, I think. I need to inflate this bed for Penny and make it up. At some point I intend to have a house warming but I think that is really up to Penny given our evolving situation. I wanted to thank you for telling me about the baby. I know it was a difficult choice for you to make given your feelings for Penny…"

"It wasn't hard at all, Sheldon. You deserved to know and she wasn't going to tell you. If she expected anything at all, she would have asked. I really think you stepped up and did the right thing. Just be patient with her. It's going to be a difficult period of adjustment for the both of you. She may still decide not to keep the baby, Sheldon, and you need to let her make her own decisions."

"Well of course it's her decision and if she changes her mind and decides to…to term – "

"Sheldon?" He'd never seen Sheldon Cooper get emotion in the 'girly sense' as he'd often accused Raj of being and he was taken aback.

"Sheldon, are you okay?"

"If she decides not to carry the baby to term, I will accompany her and comfort her and, of course, pay for the procedure. Rest assured, Leonard, I wouldn't force her to do something that is against her will. I'm not as unfeeling as you all seem to think. I just…keep it tightly under control."

Leonard let himself out after promising to swing by and pick up Penny and take her back to get her car in the morning. Sheldon went upstairs and inflated her double bed and then slipped on the fitted sheets and tossed the pillows against the wall and left.

Penny stepped out of the en suite bathroom and laughed quietly. It looked like a real bed and leave it to Sheldon Cooper to pull something like this out of his bag of tricks. The 'bed-in-a-bag' sheets were tightly spread over the cotton-backed inflated bed and a comforter was neatly folded across the bottom and she was grateful to slip in between the cool sheets and fall asleep.

Tomorrow would be a day full of many changes. She knew she'd have to be patient with him until they worked out an agreeable living situation.

She wondered how things would have turned out if she hadn't laughed at him. He was sweet and cute in a dorky way and the way he took charge of the situation like he knew what he was doing surprised and pleased her. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad. Living with Sheldon. Having his baby.

Divorcing him and leaving all this and her baby behind.

Maybe it wouldn't be too bad at all.


	6. Chapter 6

Going through that traumatic time of being heartbroken and then being pregnant turned my whole life upside down and inside out and just knocked the wind out of me. But I got so much out of that.  
**Bridget Moynahan**

* * *

She and Sheldon had been 'together' only once – just once – and she'd been drunk as a lord and then had ruined what should have been a beautiful moment. She laughed at his declaration of love and then at his premature ejaculation.

It was premature from her viewpoint even after he'd brought her to orgasm with first his fingers and then his lips and tongue. She hadn't expected to feel the way she felt but then he whispered that he'd loved her for such a long time…and she'd laughed. It was a nervous reaction, she told herself over and over. It wasn't funny even given the look on his face.

It was kind of sweet and genuine and although she'd heard the words more than a few times before, the way he said it and the emotion behind those words had moved her – and then she'd laughed and couldn't stop.

She'd hurt him badly and that hadn't been her intention but sure as hell that had been the result. She kicked her mental ass for being drunk and out of control and laughing at him when all she really wanted was to wrap him up in her arms and tell him that everything had been just 'perfect', even if it hadn't been.

"Penny, your table #5 wants their check. Boy, you've really been out of it today. Is everything okay with you?" Bernadette had, of course, heard about Penny and Sheldon. Leonard and her Howie had talked about first the distance between the two and then the sudden announcement of their impending nuptials.

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind, sweetie, what with going to Vegas and getting married and then the whole 'period of adjustment' thing. Sorry for spacing out on ya. I've got their check right here – somewhere."

Her emotions were all over the place and she'd vacillated between bouts of melancholy and occasional tears and freakishly happy, near-manic moods.

"Penny, I know you're pregnant. Your mood swings and barfing binges are kind of a symptom and your breasts are getting bigger so if you need to talk or anything…"

"Well, yeah, I am. It wasn't planned to be this way, Bernie…I never planned…" and then the tears came and Bernadette paged through Penny's order pad and found table #5's orders and took care of it for her. She didn't want her embarrassed – not in her condition.

"I'll talk to the manager and tell her you're sick and you can go home. Y'know, Howie and I are really envious of you and Sheldon. At least you don't have to live with your mother-in-law." She shuddered when she remembered how 'vocal' her mother-in-law and her husband became when discussing even the most insignificant events. She was loud.

Penny didn't respond or take the bait. She didn't know how she felt about Sheldon Cooper, at least not when she was sober and she hadn't had a drink since she'd bought the pregnancy test kit and seen those two fucking bars and that bold 'YES!'.

"Thanks, Bernie. I guess I'll see ya at the housewarming. I'm so not up for it but Sheldon says it's a 'social requirement' so we're firing things up Friday evening. You and Howard are coming, right?" She needed a 'party' like she needed cancer.

"Oh, yeah. A night out without – well, yeah, we'll be there. I'm so anxious to see your house. Leonard told Howie it was a McMansion."

"Yeah, Leonard would say something like that. Actually it's a beautiful home and we're quite thrilled with it. I just wish – look, I'm going to head home. I'm sorry to leave you with all this but – "

"Go. I'll handle The Beast if she says anything. Drink some Chamomile tea and eat some saltines. They'll settle your stomach."

'_More advice from the 'never been pregnant' crowd.'_

She got in her car and leaned her head back against the headrest and sighed. She was going home to an empty house and nothing to do. He wouldn't let her do a thing and it was really starting to bug her – the inactivity.

'_Well, he's not home and so I'll do the laundry. It's something to do. Daytime TV sucks and I don't feel like reading. Ooh, I love how the car smells – like it's new again!'_

* * *

512 Willow Glen Lane

The plasterers that Sheldon had hired were there putting the finishing touches on the stucco where someone had backed into it when pulling out of the garage.

Penny parked her car in the roundabout and unlocked the front door and barely made it to their new couch before collapsing. Her feet hurt, she felt nauseous almost all the time and her boobs ached. She had read in one of the books Sheldon had brought home that she was exhibiting 'classic symptoms' of the first trimester of pregnancy.

'_Thank God the first trimester is almost over! I don't think I've barfed so much without having a hangover in my life.'_

"Penny? Penny? Penny?" Each time he called her name he ran his fingertips down her cheek (just to make sure she's not feverish).

"Oh! You're home? What time is it, Sheldon?" She found herself using his name rather than her normal 'sweetie' or 'honey'. Under the circumstances it seemed proper, at least in her mind.

"It's just after six. Are you ill? Would you like some tea or – "

"No, I just got so tired and nauseous at work and so I came home. I didn't mean to fall asleep, Sheldon. I'm feeling better now, though." She sat up and got dizzy but she sat and waited and it soon passed.

"Another dizzy spell? I wish you would allow me to contact an OB/Gyn and make an appointment for you. You should not be without medical support during this time, Penny. You should be taking prenatal vitamins and it wouldn't hurt for you to get a physical. When was the last time you were to a doctor?"

"Um…when I first came to L.A. I needed a health certificate to be a waitress. Four years or so. If it makes you feel better, make an appointment with a doctor."

"I'll give you a list with biographies and certifications and you can choose your own. Now, lie back and I'll massage your feet. Your ankles are a bit engorged and I'm sure your feet hurt. I'll be right back."

He was back in a flash with two towels and a washcloth and a basin of hot water. He unlaced her shoes and then washed her feet, taking care to dry them carefully.

What he did next floored her.

Sheldon took her left foot in his hand and began massaging her foot, paying attention to the arch and the ball of her foot. She groaned and he pressed a bit harder and then she hissed but wiggled her toes. "Feels so good, Shelly," she moaned.

He worked on her right foot and then slipped clean socks onto her feet. "When you feel better, you can change clothes. I'll have dinner ready by the time you return."

"Gonna massage my boobs, too, Shelly? They ache – "

"Hardly, Penny. Be grateful for the foot massage." He didn't act one bit surprised and that surprised her.

"I was just kidding!" she called out but he had already gathered up his things and gone upstairs to clean up.

'_Damn it – I was just kidding!'_

* * *

The next day after work, she was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a cup of tea when he presented her with a stack of papers that were paper clipped together.

"I've made an appointment with an attorney for Monday afternoon. I know you're working just the morning shift so I scheduled it for late afternoon. We'll formalize our agreement, Penny, so there will be no misunderstandings. This is the outline of what we discussed in Leonard's apartment."

He didn't look at her once, just dropped the papers on the table beside her, said his piece and then walked away. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry once she was done reading it. It made their arrangement seem so cold and business-like. Not at all like she'd envisioned a marriage, even one as contrived as theirs would be.

"Sheldon, I've got an appointment on Thursday with my obstetrician and I'd like you to come with me, okay?" she called out to him. He was standing on the back patio surveying the plasterers' work.

"Of course. I want to meet the doctor you've selected."

So formal. So business-like. So cold.

"Fine." She got up and went upstairs and ran a bath. If he was going to be all cold and distant, so would she.

'_We were friends once. I could go to him for help and he never said 'no'. I always thought I could count on my crazy Whack-a-doodle but now…when did he become __this__ guy?' _

She wondered if this was like those old-fashioned arranged marriages in the olden days when people married for land, wealth or politics. _'Well, it's only until the baby comes and then I'll go back to my old life…'_

She didn't want to think past 'when the baby comes' because she knew that she could never be simply 'Penny the wannabe actress' ever again.

A/N: If interest continues and the comments are just as interesting, I'll give you another later when I get back to the hotel. If not, too bad, so sad, my bad...lol

Rep


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: My God, the responses were terrific! I always keep my word. Didya see me on TeeVee?

Seriously though, I'm torn between two quotes so you get both to interpret how they fit in the story as best you can if you do that sort of thing. Be nice to me in your reviews. I'm fragile.

Reparata B

* * *

"You asked why I couldn't forgive you? It was because you were the love of my life. And you didn't want to be. That's hard to let go." [Edited by Reparata]  
― Kristan Higgins, _My One and Only_

But that afternoon he asked himself, with his infinite capacity for illusion, if such pitiless indifference might not be a subterfuge for hiding the torments of love. ~ Gabriel García Márquez, _Love in the Time of Cholera_

* * *

Chapter 7

Office of Dr. Fiona Logan, OB/Gyn

Penny had been drained of blood, made to pee in a bottle that had way too tiny an opening and finally was interrogated by a nurse who used to be a member of the Gestapo. The questions were intimate in nature and some were downright intrusive.

"How many partners have you had sex with?"

"Is this your first pregnancy?"

"Have you ever had an STD, been treated for an STD and if so, what disease and what treatment and how long ago?

"Have you ever had an abortion?"

"Do you or your husband or significant other use recreational drugs?"

"Do you have insurance?"

"Don't you know how to use a condom?"

Okay, so the last question was the one Penny had been asking herself since she first sat down in a waiting room full of enormous women who all looked miserable and alone. She was the only woman who had someone with her who wasn't a kid. And she looked like the only one not wearing a wedding ring.

After being interrogated and tortured for bodily fluids, she rejoined Sheldon and the doctor but was surprised to find them in a lively conversation about some drug-free delivery method that was all the rage in Europe.

"Oh, hello. Dr. Cooper and I were just discussing the advent of some interesting techniques in drug-free deliveries being used in Europe. Now, I'm sure you're full of questions and I want you to know that whatever you need to know, _he_ can probably answer far better than I. Just ask him," Dr. Logan said, rolling her eyes.

Penny snickered and glanced at Sheldon who was trying to analyze Dr. Logan's statement. "Sarcasm, Penny?"

"Yep, got it in one."

"Please wait outside, Dr. Cooper. We're going to perform an exam and then I'll bring you back in for any discussion."

The doctor made the usual sounds she was used to when having such an exam but when she sat back and reviewed her chart and lab work and didn't smile, Penny felt her heart flutter in her chest.

"You need to eliminate whatever it is that is causing you stress and you need to quit work and take it easy. Your blood pressure is high and some of the indices in your blood work are of concern. I'm going to prescribe some prenatal vitamins and a series of exercises to strengthen the muscles you'll need at the time of your baby's birth. I'll want you back in here in two weeks for more blood work to make sure what I'm seeing has changed in the right direction."

"Okay, but is everything okay with my baby?"

"Everything looks great with the baby but it's you I'm concerned about. You probably partied and drank and used several different drugs – "

"No! No drugs. Never!" That wasn't entirely true. Kurt had smoked weed and she'd tried it a couple of times but it made her throat burn and she never got 'high' like he did. After leaving him, she'd never done anything but alcohol.

"Alcohol is a drug, Ms. Larson, and I hope you're not still drinking."

"I quit the day I tested positive on a home pregnancy test. Honest."

"Well, let's bring in the lucky dad and give him the good news."

* * *

It was quiet in the car on the way home. Penny kept looking over at Sheldon and he seemed so deep in thought that she didn't want to disturb him.

She should have. If she knew what he was thinking, she'd feel a lot better about things.

Sheldon was going down his mental checklist of the things he had to do as a result of their first doctor's visit.

_'Get Penny to quit her job and begin a regular program of pre-natal exercises. I know – get her a gym membership! She'll be in excellent physical condition and it may help her land roles in something other than hemorrhoid commercials or porn. She should never ever consider porn even if it is a growth industry."_

The doctor's concerns about stress and her blood pressure had sent his own sky high.

_'I've got to quit nagging her and I need to find something she can do at home so she won't go bat crap crazy. I'll buy her several of those magazines I've seen at her place.'_

_'Maybe set up her PennyBlossom business in the spare bedroom. It would increase her sense of self-worth as well as give her something to occupy her time. I'll need to ensure that the glue fumes are not harmful to her or our baby before even bringing it up.'_

_'Perhaps I should delay going to see the attorney until she's feeling better. I don't want her stressed out. And perhaps we should delay the wedding until she's feeling well enough to travel to Las Vegas – or we could just get married at a Justice of the Peace here in Pasadena.'_

_'Engagement ring! Everyone was staring at her hand and it lacked an engagement ring or wedding band and I sense she was embarrassed and that would increase her blood pressure as well as her stress. Yes, we should go shopping for a suitable ring.'_

"Penny, are you feeling too tired or stressed to perhaps consider looking at rings?"

"Rings?" Her mind was a thousand miles and 6 months away and she wasn't sure she heard him correctly.

"Yes; an engagement ring as well as matching wedding bands. I don't want people thinking you're a single mother and I want to give you a ring. It's only proper and fitting, isn't it? We are getting married, Penny."

'_As if I could forget.' _"Okay, if you really think it's necessary. We're only going to be together for 7 more months, Sheldon, and – "

"Good. You can always pawn or sell the ring if you get into more financial difficulty although I would hope you'd hang on to it if only for sentimental reasons." His voice lacked the enthusiasm he'd shown when discussing the need for a ring. "Either way, I want you to have one appropriate for your hand, Penny."

"Okay. Let's do it! I know just the place…"

* * *

Penny picked out a tiny diamond on a simple white gold band and seemed happy enough with her choice but Sheldon wasn't sure she wasn't 'settling' on something less than she wanted.

"I'm sorry but that diamond is so ridiculously small as to be invisible. Please, select one you want, not one you're satisfied with. Money is not a problem, Penny, I assure you. Please, pick out the one you want."

"Sheldon, this is stupid! I don't really want or need an engagement ring and – "

"Pick one or I'll pick one for you. I saw how others looked at you in the waiting room and I didn't like it one bit and don't tell me you didn't notice either."

"Fine…" She picked out the one she'd want if her situation were 'real' and he bought it using a credit card that the clerk hadn't seen before.

"It's a black AMEX and it doesn't come with a credit limit. I could probably buy this entire tray although that would be a waste of money."

The attitude in the shop changed immediately and Penny was brought a stool to sit on while having the ring sized. When the ring was reset and Penny approved, Sheldon suggested they get their wedding bands in the same style.

"Would you like something engraved?" asked the jeweler.

"Yes…_Nunquam Alia_*. It's Latin. Only on my ring, though."

"Yes, I know what it means. It's quite correct in this context. But what about your lady's ring?"

"Nothing. Just mine."

A/N: *Nunquam Alia – Never Another.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Readership is waning, down 200 since double posting. Sad but I'm going to finish this up quickly. Won't waste time on something no one reads. Thanks to the loyal 17 reviewers. This one is for you.

Reparata B

* * *

Whether your pregnancy was meticulously planned, medically coaxed, or happened by surprise, one thing is certain - your life will never be the same. – Catherine zeta Jones

Penny curled up on the couch and held out her left hand and admired how the ring sparkled on her finger. Bernadette and the other girls at the Cheesecake Factory had all ooh'ed and aww'ed over her ring and then she had to contend with The Beast and handing her a letter of resignation.

"_I'm pregnant and the doctor has advised me to quit working immediately or it may affect my ability to carry to term."_

She'd been surprised when The Beast had swept her into a hug and told her that when she was back on her feet, her job would be waiting for her. Penny had mixed feelings about that. With Sheldon's 'alimony' payment, she might not need the Factory if she could get some kind of a recurring role, no matter how minor, or a really good role in a film.

So there she was, a 'lady of leisure' and she frowned as she imagined herself turning into Peggy Bundy. Somehow that image motivated her to find something constructive to do with her time. Sheldon was somewhere doing something so she decided to track him down and see what he was doing.

He was out on the balcony of the bedroom he was using as 'his', sitting on a folding chair and hunched over his laptop. Arrayed around him like a small army were his dolls (_Action Figures, Penny_).

"Whacha doin', Moon Pie?" She tried to be nonchalant about things when dealing with Sheldon lately. He wasn't the same guy she'd known back at the apartments and she wasn't quite sure how to deal with this version of Sheldon.

'_Does he come with versions like Sheldon 1.0 and then an upgrade to Sheldon 2.0? What will 3.0 be like?'_

"I am liquidating some nonessential assets in order to maximize my account balances. DAMN!" Sheldon rarely cursed (_the last resort of a limited mind, Penny_) and so she was surprised and, if she admitted it, a little frightened by his reaction to whatever was displayed on his laptop's screen.

"I guess I caught you at a bad time. Sorry." She started to leave but he mumbled something about 'soft markets' and she was suddenly interested. _'Markets? As in stocks, bonds…investments?'_

"Sheldon, have you overextended yourself financially? I mean – "

"No, Penny, not overextended, just overestimated the worth of some items. My estimates of the worth of these packaged figures did not take into consideration that others, in far worse financial straits than us, might be 'dumping product' on the market and thus deflating the prices. I should have seen this coming. I should have known what was going to happen. This is…unforgivable of me."

She hadn't missed 'us' in his quiet rant but she didn't see why this was so upsetting to him. He had sat her down just last evening and gone over his investment portfolio and his finances and had casually mentioned the value of his collection of investment-grade action figures (_not dolls, Penny_) and it had seemed like quite a lot of money to her.

She walked closer and stood behind him and saw the screen display of a graph with the section marked 'collectors figures' lower than in previous periods – much lower.

She almost whispered, 'Are we in trouble, sweetie? I can still work, y'know? You don't have to carry this burden alone, Shelly."

Penny had rested her hand on the nape of his neck and was gently caressing it unconsciously, something she found soothing and relaxing.

"We're not in trouble at all. Given our current expenditures and even considering the escrowing of your monthly payments, we'll still be able to put 17% of each of my paychecks into savings. It's just that – I don't ever want to be poor again, Penny. I grew up poor and my child must never know the grinding humiliation of poverty, even if all around her are in the same position. Never."

"I shouldn't have quit my job, Shelly."

"You shouldn't worry about this. It's my job to provide for you in this arrangement. Your job is to be healthy and as happy as you can be. Quitting your job was necessary as your doctor opined and I am fully in agreement."

Penny wasn't dumb nor did she miss the nuance of 'as you can be'. She wanted him to feel better but didn't know how to change the mood.

Sheldon had a brilliant idea that would kill two birds with one stone. He'd thought about the PennyBlossom business but hadn't put it into play yet but now…

"There is something you could do that would generate income for you now and perhaps down the road. Reactivate your PennyBlossom website and begin production again. I know it isn't in our arrangement but you could focus on it and perhaps reduce your stress levels while increasing your 'nest egg'."

Penny liked the idea and really liked the way the hair on the back of his neck felt as she slipped her fingertips through it. He didn't seem to mind since he was leaning back into her touch.

"Oh, your gym membership is down on the dining room table. They have pre-natal exercise classes and other programs you might find of interest. It's up to you."

His neck was turning bright red and she could see his reflection in the display of his laptop. His eyes were closed and he had that simple smile on his face that she'd come to love.

She jerked her hand back as if burned.

"I'll go check out the membership, sweetie. Thanks." She left the room and almost ran down the stairs. The house that she originally felt was huge suddenly felt small and confining.

* * *

Law Offices of Cheatham & Howe

"Dr. Cooper, this is…most unusual but I can find nothing that is illegal. We'll prepare the paperwork and also, if I might suggest, a prenuptial agreement between you and Ms. Larson that will cover any eventualities not addressed in your agreement?"

"Whatever you recommend. Just make sure that the final agreement is iron-clad and cannot be parsed and snipped away in some Family Court by some do-gooder social worker."

"And you, Ms. Larson, are in agreement with the specifics of this agreement? No reservations or concerns?"

"None. It's fair and it's beneficial to both parties and the important thing is that our child will be well cared for."

Sheldon watched as she spoke. He could see the tiny wrinkles in the outer corners of her eyes deepen and he knew she was lying. After four years of observation he had an entire database full of Penny's 'tells' and mood indicators. She wasn't being truthful.

"Would you give us a moment please, Counselor?" Sheldon wanted to find out what she didn't like and try to make it more to her liking. He wanted her to be happy regardless of the cost.

"Now what, Sheldon?" Penny's attitude radiated 'put upon Penny'.

"You have reservations. I could see it in the tiny wrinkles that adorn the outer corners of your eyes. Not crows' feet, Penny, really, so don't look so upset. When I see those tiny wrinkles I know they signify either disagreement or reservation. So, which is it?"

"You – you know that from my 'wrinkles'?"

He nodded solemnly and gestured for her to continue.

"I – I don't know, Sheldon. What seemed so fair and equitable in your apartment now seems so…cold and business-like. I don't see any of the caring you showed in this agreement."

"I still feel as I did that night – in our apartment, I mean. This is just legalese and I swear there would be fewer disagreements if lawyers simply wrote in English and that no sentence could exceed the 5th grade reading level."

"Sheldon, can't we just agree on this between ourselves? What you already wrote is enough, isn't it?"

She saw his 'tell' flicker across his face when he qualified his feelings with 'in our apartment'. Despite everything that had happened he still had feelings for her and she didn't know what to make of it and so, in her typical fashion, she chose to ignore what was uncomfortable for her.

"I want it legally binding, Penny."

"You don't trust me, do you, Sheldon?"

"I don't trust myself."

A/N: Maybe I'll post another later today. Maybe...lol


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Feel charitable today so here's another one. I'll post Monday maybe depending on travel.

REviews would be appreciated. They overcome the piss-poor hit ratio.

Reparata

* * *

We were deciding between a dog and a child and the real question was: do we ruin our carpet or our lives. -

Rita Rudner

Chapter 9

They were sitting at a red light not far from their home on Willow Glen when the sun caught Penny's diamond and sparked an idea.

"I want to get married this weekend, Sheldon. We can catch a plane right after the house warming or first thing the next morning and we can be in Vegas and have a nice mini-vacation honeymoon."

"But you haven't bought a dress! We can't just take off without some firm ideas – "

"You did. You stormed into that apartment and laid out an action plan and you didn't take hours or days to think about it. You acted in the moment. It was so genuine and so unlike you that I was stunned, Sheldon, and Leonard – when you told him to move – he moved!"

"I suppose we could do that. Is that what you want? Don't you want something, um, planned?"

She reached over and intertwined her fingers with his hoping that he'd understand her unspoken message.

"Moon Pie, _nothing_ about us has been planned. I don't want to spend a fortune on a dress that I'll only wear once, okay? It's a waste of our money and we'll need money for the baby."

She knew it. He didn't get it. She shouldn't have been so roundabout. Sheldon Cooper dealt in facts and certainties; hints were far too subtle for a mind as locked into the concrete as his was. For a brilliant man, he could be as perceptive as a pet rock.

He gently retrieved his hand from hers and leaned back in his seat, deep in thought. She kept saying _we. 'Doesn't she understand that there is no 'us', no 'we', now or after the baby comes?_'

Ugh. The housewarming party. She had so much to do and so little time. Unconsciously, she stepped on the gas and her little VW Jetta flew across the intersection and down the road toward their home.

"Penny! The light was still red!" He had a death grip on shoulder belt of his seat belt and his voice was pitched in the highest registers.

"Relax. No one was coming and besides, I have tons of stuff to do to get ready for the party."

"I gave you an outline of the party and had you read it you would have seen that I've engaged a caterer as well as a wait staff. All you need to do is be there, Penny, beside me as we greet our guests."

"If it was buried inside those 20 pages of 'things to do and not do' then yeah, I didn't read it. A caterer? Can we afford that? Sheldon, you have to get a grip on your money, sweetie."

"Then I suppose you are dead set against a trip to the mall to secure something appropriate for the newly engaged young woman welcoming her friends into her home for the first time?"

She made a U-Turn and sped up, laughing as he held on, his knuckles white and the whites of his eyes clearly dominating his face. "Relax, Moon Pie. I got this under control."

* * *

Sheldon did not _shop_. He decided on exactly what he wanted, what store carried it, the location of said store and the quickest way into and out of the [gasp] mall. He would search online for the layout of the mall and find the closest entrance to the section wherein lie his objective. In and out in the least amount of time (and hassle). Malls were breeding grounds for teenaged flash mobs and diseases.

Penny loved to shop. Sheldon knew that from their single sojourn out to purchase him a new suit. He would have been in and out in less than an hour (including tailoring time). Penny's path through the mall, although she did avoid the shoe stores, took them 4 hours and he had to return to check on the alterations the following day.

Penny walked barefooted out of the changing room and said, "What do you think? Too risqué for the Willow Glen Lane crowd?"

Sheldon's mouth had dropped open a little and he suddenly had a case of dry mouth and his tongue seemed to have grown attached to the roof of his mouth.

"N-no. It looks nice. You look nice. It's nice." She grinned and then walked over and said, "Get up for a minute, sweetie," and sat down beside him and crossed her bare legs and wiggled her bare toes. "Does it show too much when I sit?"

"N-no. It's looks very nice." It was a sheath dress that plunged decadently down the front and had virtually no back to it and ended just above her knees. The color…sea green, just like her eyes. He wanted to drag her into the changing room and try to finish what they'd started but he was, after all, _Homo Novus_, and so all he did was make his idiot comment.

'_Ah-ha! Flaring nostrils, dilated pupils, sudden dry mouth, stammering and almost never blinking…perfect.'_

"I can wear those low black heels and it'll be just fine. I'll be right back unless – "

"Unless what?" Short sentences. Little or no danger of blurting out anything embarrassing.

"Unless you want to help me change?" She giggled at the look on his face and stood up and grabbed his pants by the belt loops and kissed him chastely. "Lighten up, Moon Pie. You look like you're trying to swallow your tongue."

He watched as she walked back into the changing room. His damned eidetic memory filled in the spaces covered by her clothing and for an instant he saw her naked, walking slowly towards her hotel room bed, smiling at him over her shoulder, beckoning him to join her.

Penny turned and threw her fiancé a glance and a smile over her shoulder and walked into the changing room not realizing what mental picture she'd inadvertently recreated for Sheldon.

When Penny came out dressed in her slacks and blouse he blinked and then took her by the arm to the cashier and paid for the dress, not even blinking at the price.

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek and murmured "Thanks, Moon Pie." Sheldon just blinked and took back his credit card and they left the boutique.

"Shelly, you need a new shirt and tie. There's a men's store right over there. C'mon, my treat."

A new shirt and tie became a couple new shirts and two more ties and several pairs of Dockers.

"But Penny – " he started to protest but she stopped him with a glare.

"No husband of mine is going to run around town looking like last year's 'Bad Dresser of the Year' winner. You're going to be a husband and father and you need to start dressing the part. You're not 18 any more, Shelly." She plucked his credit card from his fingers and paid the bill. After all, it was her treat.

He just sighed, resigned to his fate. Ilsa had been just as bad about some things. She was the one who convinced him to grow a beard and get that horrible tattoo that he'd suffered through several painful laser treatments to have removed years later. _Inked for life, my ass!_


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: This will be it for a bit. I have to earn.

I shall finish this.

Reparata

* * *

Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. ~Author Unknown

Less than an hour before their guests were to start arriving, Penny had a melt down. Her hormones were making her angry one moment and sad the next. She didn't know what was going on with her and she was frightened.

She sat on the edge of her bed holding her new dress, and trying not to toss it aside and pull on something more comfortable and slip out the back door and just sit somewhere, maybe a coffee shop, and hide until this farce was over.

"Pen – oh, sorry." Sheldon turned bright red when he saw that Penny was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her new dress and wearing nothing at all. He almost tripped over his feet turning around.

"Sheldon, don't be an ass. I'm pregnant. You knocked me up. Seeing me naked should be no big deal, right? We're engaged, living together and getting married any day now so why are you acting like a fucking Puritan in our own home?" The last phrase had been almost shouted at him. He winced at her profanity. He'd screwed up again and it was all because he'd been brought up to respect others' privacy and because he reacted instinctively to Penny's nakedness.

"I didn't mean to upset you but…I can't tie this damned tie. I seem to be all thumbs and you wouldn't let me buy a clip-on so…please, can you tie this for me."

She sighed as if immensely put upon but then offered him a watery smile.

"Sure but you'll have to sit on the bed and let me do it the way I learned…from behind. I can't do it facing you for some reason and I can't tie it on me either. Why not? Don't have a clue, Shel."

He sat on the bed and she scootched over and knelt behind him, taking the tie from him and folding his collar up and setting the fine silk around his neck. She closed her eyes as she always did when doing this and tied a perfect Half-Windsor and then folded down his collar, allowing her fingertips to caress the nape of his neck.

She whispered in his ear that he looked very handsome and he unconsciously leaned back against her and she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch, Shelly, but these mood swings are…they're all hormones, okay? The 2nd Trimester should be less…dramatic…"

He loved how her fingertips seem to warm his skin and when she whispered in his ear his mind flew back to other whispers and quiet exhortations and he shuddered as he hardened with the memories of her touch and taste.

"Thank you, Penny. I'll let you get dressed." He tried to stand but she was still embracing him from behind and he felt her nipples harden against his back through the thin cloth barrier between them.

"Not just yet, please? I just want to stay like this for just a moment more." It seemed as if she needed human contact now more than ever before and Penny snuggled against him and let her lips lie against the pulse point below his jaw and she sighed.

After what seemed like only a few seconds but had been nearly 5 minutes, she released him, smoothing the fabric of his shirt over his shoulders and back.

"Don't want it to wrinkle, do you?" Sheldon could hear the smile in her voice but couldn't focus worth a damn on what she said.

"Um, I need to let you finish dressing. I'll see you downstairs unless you need anything?" There was a wistfulness in his voice but he stood before he did something really stupid like blurting out how he wanted her to be more than just a 'house guest' but having learned a valuable life lesson, he simply stood and walked out of her bedroom. She'd taught him something and like all knowledge he absorbed, he honored it.

Penny watched him leave and her only thought was of a line from a poem she'd had to memorize in high school English.

'Oh what tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive!'

* * *

The house warming was a success and he and Penny met many of their neighbors and Penny finally got to meet some of the people she'd only heard the boys talk about. It was near the end of the evening and things had been moving along just great when a drunk Barry Kripke told a joke and Penny overheard it and turned and rushed from the living room, Bernadette in wild pursuit.

'What's the diffoowense between Woxanne and a wight bulb?'

_There had been a pause while people translated his remark from 'Kripke' to English and then he'd delivered the punch line._

'_You can unskwoo a wight bulb.'_

The guys all looked to Penny and she'd turned bright red and seemed to deflate and then spun on her heel and ran from the living room.

Bernadette glared at Kripke and then went after Penny.

"What? What's wong?" He looked around at the people surrounding him and he saw nothing wrong except that Leonard was glaring at him and Rajeesh Koothrappalli seemed on the verge of tears but was making death glares at him and Wolowitz was looking in the direction his wife had taken, indecisive as usual.

He heard a cold voice say from behind him, "My fiancé is pregnant and your comment, Dr. Kripke, was a reflection of your poor judgment and bad taste and penchant for junk science. Leave before I throw you out. Leonard, if he isn't gone in a few minutes, come fetch me. I need to do some damage control."

Kripke stuttered and stammered but when all three of Sheldon's friends suddenly turned on him with violent intent, especially Hofstadter, he made for the front door muttering 'Sowwy, sowwy.'

* * *

Penny was crying and Bernadette was trying to console her but she kept shaking off her efforts. The door was open a few inches and Sheldon stopped.

"Bernie, I'm so ashamed…"

Sheldon stopped outside the door. _'What is she ashamed of? Who is she ashamed of? Me? Of course. It's logical. Trapped in a marriage with a man like me…pregnant by a man like me. Who wouldn't be ashamed?'_

He calmed himself, breathing deeply using the quick meditation techniques he'd tailored from the Kolinahr of Vulcan trying to relieve the feeling in his chest of having his heart crushed once again. Satisfied with his level of control, he knocked and opened the door.

"Bernadette, Howard needs you. I'll take care of her. It's just hormones, you know? Of course, you do. You're a woman and therefore familiar with such things. I would appreciate it very much if you could restrain Howard from harming Dr. Kripke. Barry's simply a little piss ant with manners to match."

Bernadette walked past Sheldon, running a hand up his arm and smiling, hopeful that he could calm Penny down. It wasn't good for her to be so upset.

She closed the bedroom door and wondered where all of Sheldon's stuff was? _'Surely they shared the same bedroom?'_

Sheldon heard the door close and cleared his throat. She was lying on her side, facing away from the door and thus Sheldon couldn't see her face.

He took off his suit coat and carefully laid it over a chair and then removed his silk tie and draped it over the coat, all done very carefully so as not to wrinkle either garment.

He untied his shoes and kicked them off but stopped and squared them away, side by side, as if on display. Such things mattered to him now more than ever. The need for order and structure amongst all this chaos of constant change…now more than ever.

Sheldon walked over to the bed and leaned down and ran his fingertips down the porcelain skin of her spine and she rolled over and looked up at him, her arms extended, her eye makeup smeared making her look like a messy raccoon.

"I'm sorry about Kripke, Penny. He doesn't think much before spouting off. I'm sorry one of my associates has embarrassed you and brought you such pain." He leaned down and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down onto the bed.

"There, there, Penny. Sheldon's here. Leonard's stewarding the guests and it's okay. Everything's okay, Penny." Penny buried her face in his chest, unmindful of how her makeup was soiling his shirt. She felt safe in his arms and the way he stroked her bare back trying to comfort her set her hormones raging.

Sheldon rolled over onto his back, letting her rest her head on his chest. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't know what to say. He hated the feeling of being 'inadequate' and if he were brutally honest, he hated his lack of social skills and inability to bring her some peace. Dealing with people was not his forte and dealing with Penny seemed to bring out all the wrong moves on his part lately.

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you, Shel. I shouldn't have – "

"You didn't embarrass me, Penny. Not at all. Kripke is such an ass but he is one of my coworkers and I couldn't _not_ invite him."

"You didn't invite Leslie Winkle." A simple statement and one she'd been curious about when she'd seen his impromptu guest list from the University.

"Hush, Penny. Go to sleep. Everything's going to be fine, you'll see."

The last thing she heard was _'Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur'._

* * *

Sheldon waited until her breathing evened out and then slipped out of her room and walked downstairs to the kitchen. He would fetch his coat and tie later. Leonard was sitting at the island eating something that looked like raw fish.

"She okay, Sheldon?" He looked up at his friend with true concern. Bernadette had filled the boys in on what Penny had said.

"I hope so. She's asleep. What Kripke said, even in ignorance of her condition, was inexcusable."

"He knew that Penny was pregnant. Bernadette was talking about how lucky she was to have all this and you, too. I think he said it more to zing you than to hurt 'Woxanne'."

"I hardly think Penny is lucky. Consider who the father of her child is. I don't consider that 'luck'; more like 'misfortune'."

"Well, I need to run. Don't be so hard on yourself, buddy. She _is_ lucky. And so are you, you big dummy."

Leonard said goodnight and then left with several plates of leftovers to nibble on. He'd eat well for a while.

Sheldon washed down the kitchen counters with a Clorox cleaning cloth, took out the trash and cleaned up the living room. He'd run the vacuum in the morning. He locked up and checked that Penny was still asleep.

'_Her beautiful dress will be a mass of wrinkles if she sleeps in it.'_

He carefully unzipped it and pulled it forward and down, ignoring her beautiful breasts and slipped it down her legs. She wore no brassiere.

'_Nice thong…nice everything.' _

Ignoring the little voice in his head and the sudden pain in his crotch when he involuntarily hardened, he pulled the dress free and hung it up. He pressed a kiss into her hair and wished with all his heart that he could be the man she needed and wanted and then left the room leaving only the bathroom light on.

Dreams of Barry Kripke on his knees before him, begging in vain for his life, seemed to dominate and disrupt his normal REM cycle. One dream in particular had seemed so _real_.

* * *

A/N: There is a darker Sheldon beneath the OCD twitchy exterior. He comes out in a chapter entitled 'Sheldon's lost years' but it might be truncated.

Reparata B


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: I shall be truncating and editing the few chapters that will be left and posting on Monday, probably daily until this is done.

Please please please - read more than just the dialogue! If the words are too big for you, ask someone to help you. And to the A$$hole who read 10 chapters and then decided he didn't like it...if you want canon, read something else. Set your filter to K or take a chance and go K+. Sheldon and Penny ARE AU and OOC by the very nature of their pairing, idiot!

Reparata B

* * *

Penny woke up feeling lighter and better than she had in weeks. She sat up and realized that someone, hopefully Sheldon, had removed her dress and shoes and put her to bed.

'I'll bet he almost crapped a cracker when he saw my thong. Damn, I wish I'd been awake for that.'

She yawned and stretched and unconsciously ran her hand over her lower abdomen and thought _'Morning, baby. How did you sleep?'_ and laughed to herself. She saw his tie and suit coat neatly draped over 'his' chair, and his dress shoes perfectly aligned with the laces placed inside the shoes and smiled. _'Yep, my Whack-a-doodle did the deed.'_

Sheldon had laid out a selection of snacks suitable for breakfast and a glass of juice. A note said he'd gone to run an errand and would be back before 9am.

It was almost 10am.

Her cell rang and she ambled over to the charger and answered it.

'Penny, it's Leonard. I need to speak to Sheldon. Is he home? He's not answering his cell phone.'

"He went out to run an errand. He should have been back any minute."

_"Look, if he comes back, keep him there. I'm on my way over."_ He hung up and Penny just stared at the phone. Leonard had sounded worried and she wondered if he was going to make trouble for her and Sheldon.

Sheldon walked in the back door carrying several bags and smiled when he saw her wearing one of his purloined t-shirts, shorts and bare feet. She looked so beautiful sitting there in the morning sun, her hair glowing and when she smiled at him, his heart fluttered.

"Good morning, Penelope. I went shopping and picked up a few things we may need for our trip to Las Vegas – that is, if you feel well enough."

'_Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur' _flashed through her mind and she couldn't help herself. She hopped off the bar stool and hugged him, pressing a wet kiss into his neck and giggling when she felt him shudder.

"Thank you for last night, Sheldon. The party was great and I really appreciated being taken care of until I calmed down and fell asleep. Did you – "

"I left you after ensuring that you were truly asleep. I – I removed your dress and hung it up. I hope you didn't mind. And I apologize for Barry Kripke. He was insulting but you don't need to worry about him. You were the most beautiful woman in attendance last night, Penelope, and that's what our guests will remember."

"Does that include Julie Clark from across the street? She seemed to think you were pretty hot, lover boy!"

The woman she talked about was in her mid-thirties, and who got the house, the car and one child out of the divorce and was definitely on the prowl for some 'afternoon delight'.

She had come on pretty strong with Sheldon and Penny had rescued him, wondering if he was simply immune to the woman's advances or so innocent that he didn't recognize them for what they were?

Sheldon turned bright red and muttered something about 'women's lib gone wild' and started putting things on the counter for her to look at. He didn't answer her.

She looked over what he'd bought and had to laugh. Sheldon Cooper had prepared them for their trip by assembling a small desert survival kit that included bottled water, a small tent, several packages of freeze-dried emergency meals as well as the usual 'Sheldon-y survival tools'.

"Sweetie, it's interstate all the way to Las Vegas. I doubt we'll find ourselves stranded in the middle of the desert without anyone to help us but it's sweet of you to plan for all contingencies. I feel better already about driving to Las Vegas."

Penny had to admit that Sheldon was nothing if not thorough. One thing he hadn't considered was her wedding dress but she had that one covered. One of the things she'd managed to buy on their mall trip was a soft white t-shirt dress that was demure enough but still 'Penny-enough' to be acceptable.

"Moon Pie…we need to buy a camera. Your Meemaw and your Mom and my folks will want pictures of our wedding and I think my dad will be less likely to drive over and shoot you if he sees that you've made an honest woman of me."

"Penny, there's not a dishonest bone in your entire body." He was so sincere that she felt the prickling of tears. If only he knew how dishonest she could be and had been on many past occasions. Damned hormones!

She lied about her age on occasion, her weight (what woman doesn't?), how great someone had been in bed (again, what woman hasn't?) but she wished more than anything that she hadn't lied to Sheldon Cooper.

He stood beside her with his hands in the pockets of his Dockers. _'Why are his hands in his pockets? He never…I love his hands with his long sexy fingers. My God, what he can do with his hands!'_

Sheldon cleared the counter of his purchases and packed them into a backpack and put it in the trunk of Penny's car. He had done something very daring – for him. He had actually driven to the Target store a few miles away instead of taking the bus. He had had a valid driver's license for almost two years but not having a car of his own, never made mention of it. It wasn't a secret. Lord, no. Sheldon couldn't keep a secret to save his life. No one knew because no one had ever asked.

Leonard showed up a few minutes later and he and Penny had a brief discussion during which he apologized profusely for Kripke's behavior.

"I guess it wasn't Kripke's night. After he left here he went out to his usual bar and someone beat the crap out of him in the alley. The cops came to the apartment looking for Sheldon, Penny. Kripke swears it was a tall, thin man and although he didn't see his face, he says 'he looked like Coopaw'."

"Sheldon was with me all night, Leonard. Besides, there's no way Sheldon would ever…"

"Hello, Leonard. What brings you by on a Saturday morning? I don't mean to be rude but Penny and I are driving to Las Vegas and getting married and still have to pack so make it quick."

"The cops think you assaulted Barry Kripke last night and they came to the apartment looking for you. I told them you moved so they might be coming here to take a statement." _'Or to check your alibi but one look at you and they'll go away. My mother was right. "There are layers to Sheldon that no one has seen. He lives on the edge of psychosis, Leonard, and I fear one day someone will push him too far…" Had Kripke 'pushed' him?'_

"Kripke? Well, if they come here I'll speak with them. I have nothing to hide, Leonard. I can't _prove_ I was here since Penny was asleep but I suppose my word will suffice."

Leonard looked at his friend and smiled. No twitches, no eye fluttering, no nothing – just ordinary every day Sheldon Cooper, robot-in-residence.

"Well, I'll be going. I just wanted to give you a warning and I didn't want to say anything to Penny over the phone."

_'No, you myopic little piece of rat dung, you waited until you were with her and could judge her reaction! You had your chance – twice – and both times she found you less than she needed or wanted. It should have been me, Leonard, but we did agree that you saw her first…'_

Penny was upstairs getting dressed when two uniformed Pasadena police officers knocked on the door. Sheldon answered and invited them in.

"Mr. Cooper – " The male of the team started to speak but Sheldon interrupted him. "It's Doctor Cooper, Officer. I have a PhD in theoretical particle physics."

"Okay, Doctor Cooper, do you know Barry Kripke?" He stared at Sheldon who stood nonchalantly with his hands in his pockets. "Doctor Kripke is a colleague at CalTech and was a guest in my home last night. We had a house warming party of sorts."

The shorter female of the team took over the questioning. "Dr. Cooper, is there anyone else in the house besides you?" Standard operating procedure.

"Yes, Penny Larson, my fiancée is upstairs dressing and packing. We're driving to Las Vegas to get married. Should I get her?"

"No, no, that won't be necessary, Dr. Cooper, I think we have enough information. Someone assaulted Dr. Kripke in an alley outside a bar on Mariposa Avenue about 11pm last evening and he gave us your name and description."

Penny walked down the stairs and stood beside Sheldon but didn't say anything.

"Where were you between 10:30pm and 1:00am, Dr. Cooper?"

"He was with me, in bed, Officer. I was upset about something and Dr. Hofstadter took care of the remainder of the party. I guess we fell asleep."

The male officer snapped his notebook shut, clearly done with the interview. His partner was not. "Dr. Cooper, may I see your hands, please?"

Sheldon sighed and then took his hands from his pants pockets and held them out, palms down. He had a bandage on his left hand.

"Dr. Cooper, I'll ask you one more time. Where were you between 10:30pm and 1:00am?" Penny clutched at his upper arm, looking up at him in dismay. _'Oh my God! Sheldon beat the shit out of Barry Kripke! He's going to go to jail!'_

"Penny, please go back upstairs and finish packing. I'll be along shortly. Officers, if you'll follow me, please." He walked down the front steps and out into the courtyard and then around the corner of the house. The two officers followed. The female officer was clearly uncomfortable with Sheldon's actions and had her holster unsnapped and her Taser ready for use.

He walked to the garage and opened one of the doors and gestured for the two cops to go in but procedure took over and he found himself staring at a Taser and a Glock 40.

"It doesn't work that way, Doc. You walk in and then remain where we can see you and don't do anything you'll regret."

Sheldon reached up and turned on an overhead bank of fluorescent lights.

"Wow, a ShopSmith! So, Doc, what's this got to do with your assault on Dr. Kripke?"

"It was in the garage when I bought the house. Take a look at the drum sander. I couldn't sleep last night and the damned rockers aren't even and I think I pressed too hard and my hand slipped. This is the result."

He unwrapped the bandage and showed the cops his knuckles. His knuckles were cut and scabbed over. There was blood on the drum sander.

The two cops seemed to relax and the male officer remarked, "Doc, you clamp the two together with these wood clamps and do them simultaneously. This is your first time around a wood shop, isn't it?"

"No. My Papaw in Texas had a similar setup but he didn't have a drum sander. Thanks for the tip. As you can see, it's almost ready although the baby won't be here for another 5 months."

'It' was a cradle that Sheldon was trying to duplicate from memory. Working with his hands was not something he was used to doing but he quickly relearned his lessons although he was apparently careless with the drum sander.

"This is beautiful, Dr. Cooper. My in-laws bought us one but not this nice. The scroll work is really nice and the carvings…no name yet, huh?" The female officer was now all smiles.

"Nope. Not sure of the sex yet. I'm hoping for a girl as beautiful as her mom."

The officers thanked him for his cooperation and left and Sheldon turned out the lights and went back into the house. He didn't remember using the drum sander at all nor did he remember bandaging his hand. But there could be no other explanation that he could think of.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Thank you all for the continued interest. I've decided to change how the story ends. Those of you who want 'happy' will probably get it. Get it? LOL

For those who think Sheldon's trolley has left the rails - shame on you. For those of you who think Penny is all sweetness and light (like poor Sheldon), get a grip.

Reparata B

* * *

Sometimes it's better to be alone. No one can hurt you that way. Anonymous.

Chapter 12

Before leaving Pasadena, Sheldon and Penny bought a decent digital camera and several smart sticks for data storage. Penny was very upbeat whereas Sheldon felt displaced, like he was sitting in someone else's seat. It was very wearisome for him.

Penny had pestered him with questions about why the cops had left so suddenly until finally he told her to 'follow me, Penny' and retraced the path he took with the two police officers. As he unlocked the garage door he muttered 'So much for the great surprise,' and stepped in front of her to turn on the fluorescent lights.

"Here. This is what I've been doing when I can't sleep and it's almost done. The cop told me what I was doing wrong with the rocker pieces and once those are done, correctly, all I need to do is stain it with a child-safe wood stain and then add the appliqués depending on our baby's sex, carve the name and date of birth in the head piece and put an acrylic coating on it and it's done. Of course, we'll have to buy a suitable mattress for the cradle."

"Oh, Sheldon, it's…it's beautiful. It's perfect and this means more to me than you can imagine. How did you hurt your hand?"

He showed her the blood-stained drum sander and she shuddered and grabbed his injured hand and tried to unwrap it. "Let me see it, Shelly. You may have to go to the ER. It could get infected. Damn it, Sheldon! **Let. Me. See. It!"**

"Penny, please stop shouting. I just took the skin off a couple of knuckles and I washed it thoroughly and applied a topical bacterial antibiotic. Let's get on the road. We can eat on the road but we need to be careful. I don't want you getting sick. And if you get sleepy, please pull over and let me drive."

"Drive? But you don't – "

"Yes, I do. After all that 'simulator' time and after realizing that I was aggravating people for my everyday 'emergencies' I decided to get a driver's license. I've been a licensed driver for quite some time but never saw the need to advertise it. Maybe I'll buy a car. I won't be able to depend on others for transportation in the future."

* * *

Outskirts of Las Vegas

"Penny, I've booked us into – "

"I canceled our reservations at the Sleep-Tite Motel. Went to the HOTELS site; we're at the Bellagio and we have a Salone Suite complete with whirlpool tub and a huge King sized bed. I've always wanted to see the fountains dance, Shelly. Tonight we'll enjoy life and tomorrow we'll get married. I've got it for two nights."

Sheldon was mulling over their sleeping arrangements. He'd booked a room with two double beds. It wasn't really a 'wedding night', more like a business meeting between associates, but he knew Penny would love the whirlpool. _'Well, it's a big bed. Sleeping together doesn't necessarily connote coitus, at least not in this instance. Besides, she'll sleep like a rock after all this driving and the excitement of the fountains.'_

Sheldon had been to Las Vegas before. A group of his 'graduate associates' had come shortly after his 21st birthday and they'd run the Blackjack tables at the old Sands before being 'asked to leave'. They were all PhDs in math or physics and, of course, they were card-counters.

'_Youse smartasses t'ink youse can come into our house and take our money! T'ink again, eggheads!'_

'_I wonder if the Bellagio has my picture on file?'_

His current circle of friends had never included him in their trips since he wasn't 'scouting for tail' nor was he particularly fond of the prospects of meeting someone named 'Big Tony' and being left in the desert to die.

* * *

The Tom-Tom that Sheldon had purchased for their trip led them right to the front door of the Bellagio Resort Hotel and Casino and once Penny gave them her reservation code, the bellmen descended on them and then the ass-kissing really got intense when Sheldon presented his no-limit AMEX card when registering.

"Dr. Cooper, may I ask if you'll be visiting our gaming casino?" The assistant manager was all nice and lovey-dovey and oozing personality. Penny didn't like the big-boobed blonde gushing all over her…didn't like her gushing all over Sheldon.

"Penny, what would you like to do after a nap?" He waggled his eyebrows in an attempt to seem like the anxious bridegroom since he'd firmly stated that they were in Vegas to get married.

"I like the slots, Shel. Maybe after a nap." She didn't like the slots, she _loved_ the slot machines with their lights and music and bells…

"I'll set up a line of credit for you – say…$1,000.00?" Again the blonde gushed all over Sheldon who seemed amused in a way and maintained a very personable attitude. Penny could feel the green-eyed monster rising up and she didn't know if it was because she was standing beside him and the hussy _still_ did all but rub her tits on him or whether she felt threatened.

"That's fine. I may play some Blackjack but it depends on how she's feeling. Thank you for your courtesy," he glanced at her name tag, "Michelle." He could ooze with the best of them when he wanted or needed to.

They were given maps of the hotel and casino, complimentary show tickets and then shown to their suite.

The bellman closed the door closed and Penny spun around laughing. "Isn't this wild, Shel? Did you ever imagine us here in Las Vegas like this?"

"No, Penny. Can't say as I ever did."

"Well, imagine away, Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper, PhD, because we're here and we're going to have so much fun…as soon as I take a nap. Wanna join me, Shel?"

"I could but there are some things I need to take care of, Penny. I'll be back in a bit. Go ahead. I have my keycard and I'll be back shortly."

Sheldon took the elevator back down to the lobby. He spoke with the concierge and money changed hands and Sheldon caught a cab for the address he'd been given. After a painful hour, he returned to their suite.

'_I hope she's asleep. I don't want to create a problem before we get married. This is supposed to be a happy time for her – and I intend that it shall be something for her to remember fondly after our divorce.'_

He slipped off his clothes and slid between the sheets wearing the silk boxers Penny had bought for him when she bought his 'wardrobe'. He rarely wore them but figured that if she saw them and thought he wore them all the time, she'd feel better about nagging him to wear them. It wasn't like they walked around the house in their underwear…

Sheldon thought he wasn't tired but he fell asleep within seconds of lying down.

Penny had watched him come into the bedroom of the suite. She had drawn the heavy draperies so the bedroom was dimly lit by light from the living area. She watched him undress and smiled when she saw 'her' boxers on him.

She waited until he was asleep and then moved over the large expanse of bed and curled up against his arm. Penny thought about this, the wedding and the 'marriage bed' a lot since she made her announcement and now she wasn't sure just how to proceed. Sheldon was a private person who harbored deep feelings for her and she wanted him to share those feelings with her. She needed emotional support not just the financial support that he gave her.

She wanted and needed to feel like a woman as her body changed and her hormones brought feelings she wasn't comfortable dealing with to the surface, forcing her to confront them.

It wasn't just the need for sex, it was the need for physical and emotional intimacy that she seemed to crave. Penny knew that she was on a 'count down' clock and so she had tried very hard not to allow any of those feelings surface.

Leaving would be hard enough without leaving a chunk of her heart behind. She didn't want to leave him or their child behind. She wanted to stay, to try to make their marriage work. She knew what he'd say though. "Penny we have an agreement…"

'_God, what a mess! How do I tell him that I have feelings for him when I tried so hard to deny them? When I lied to him and laughed at him? My crazy Dr. Whack-a-doodle has become so much more than just my friend. He's become my rock. How do I just walk away?'_

Sheldon groaned in his sleep and then shifted over onto his side, facing her. Only a few inches separated them and Penny wanted so much to close the gap and curl into the space between his arms.

'_How do I let them go? My life…I can just go back to being Penny the waitress with money in the bank but I'll never be the same, will I? In just the short time we've been together I've changed. Maybe it's being pregnant and the hormones and stuff but I feel different now. It's not his fault. I'm the one who's to blame for this.'_

Sheldon groaned again, almost too faintly to be heard and rolled even closer to her, throwing an arm around her and sighing.

'_Screw it. I'll be strong and pick up my life where I left it. I'll be just like I was before…'_

He whispered something in his sleep and then smiled and murmured, "Penny," and buried his face in her hair. She waited for his 'Danger! Danger!' routine to kick in but he just sighed and fell deeper asleep.

"Why can't I just say it? Sheldon, I love you. I surrender. I can't keep fighting how I feel. I think – I think it's always been you. We fight like cats and dogs and yet through it all we're still there for one another. Please, Sheldon, won't you give us a chance to see if we can make it through to the end?"

She hadn't realized that she'd whispered her thoughts aloud but Sheldon had been awake since he'd rolled over onto his newly-tattooed butt and the burning and itching sensation had awakened him. He'd boldly thrown an arm over her, hoping she would move closer and when she did, he buried his face in her hair. He would miss her scent.

But he heard her whispered thoughts.

"Penny, are you proposing an amendment to our agreement?"


	13. Chapter 13

Falling in love has been greatly overrated. Falling in love consists of 45 percent fear of not being accepted and 45 percent manic hope that _this time_the fear will be put to shame, and a modest 10 percent frail awareness of the possibility of love.

And...

I don't fall in love anymore. Just like I don't get the mumps. –Peter Høeg, _Smilla's Sense of Snow_

* * *

Chapter 13

"_Penny, are you proposing an amendment to our agreement?"_

She almost screamed in fright and tried to scuttle across the bed to give her some room but he held her too tightly for her to escape without resorting to violence.

'_Crap on a frikkin' cracker, I must have whispered that aloud…or he's telepathetic, no, no, tele**path**ic.'_

Penny felt her face turn bright red knowing that she'd laid all her cards on the table and hadn't even known it. What if he said 'no'?

"Yes, Sheldon, I suppose I am."

"Are you suggesting that instead of a sham marriage for the sake of producing a child without the stigma attached to being a single mother…that we live together as husband and wife past the birth of our child?"

She took his sentence apart, word for word, looking for traps, pitfalls or some other Sheldon-y contrivance that might trip her up and cost her victory.

"Yes, Sheldon, that is exactly what I'm suggesting."

"See, Penny? This is precisely why I require such things in writing so that each understands exactly what is expected of them and each knows what to expect in return. You know I do not do well with surprises."

"Are you saying 'No', Sheldon?" Her voice dropped to a whisper.

"No. I'm simply explaining why your request is so unexpected. Were these 'feelings' harbored when we were in the attorney's office and I asked you about why your crows' feet were – "

"I _DO NOT_ have crows' feet, Sheldon Lee Cooper. Those are smiley wrinkles. I can't help it if I'm usually a happy person!"

"Okay, point to Penny Larson. But did you harbor such feelings earlier and simply ignored them? And what is this mystical place you want to see if we can make it through to as a couple?"

"Yes. I suppressed them. I sat on them and squashed them down because I was afraid, okay? As for the mystical place? Old age, Moon Pie, old age."

"I see." He wasn't toying with her. He was weighing the implications of what she was suggesting. He knew her as well as anyone did, perhaps better, and he knew that she was a free spirit, a captive of her passions, and the most spontaneous and guileless woman he'd ever known and, despite everyone's view that he was an emotionless robot incapable of feeling empathy and sympathy or love for another, they were wrong.

He loved her. And it terrified him. She could destroy him. She had the power to –

"So? Do we get married here and then split after the baby's born or do we get married and try to make a go of it, try to be a family?"

"I have a question for you, Penny. Since you know how I feel about you and have since the night of Howard and Bernadette's reception, if you weren't pregnant, would you be back with Leonard or someone else? It wouldn't be me, would it? Oh, no, not the crazy whack-a-doodle robot-praying-mantis-man with his extreme OCD and his rituals, strange clothes and schedules and life specifics. You'd be out getting drunk or laid or both and you'd be with Leonard or someone else."

"Sheldon, that's not fair and you know it. Besides, that wasn't a question. It was a damned indictment!" It wasn't fair at all because it was probably the truth and she hated herself for it. She had done exactly as he said a week after their one-night stand at the hotel.

He muttered something under his breath but she called him on it. "What did you say? Quit mumbling, Sheldon."

"I said, at least Leonard got a 'thank you' when he told you he loved you."

"_He TOLD you about that?_ Damn him! Look, Shel, I wanted to tell you that night that I loved you, too, but I just couldn't say the words if I didn't know for sure. I was still getting over Leonard and I wasn't sure how I felt about you."

She took a deep breath and plunged on into the thick of things.

"Even though we fight all the time, you're always there when I need you and I couldn't separate how I felt about my 'best friend' from how I felt about the guy who'd just made me cum twice and who I thought I might be falling for. And I was drunk and the whole damned thing just struck me as funny-sad."

"I found nothing humorous in your laughter, Penelope, nothing at all. It was…unmanning, on top of my abysmal performance. It was my first time engaging in coitus and – "

Penny cut him off. She needed to explain better but she had to have her questions answered and her explanations would have to wait.

He needed to know just how sweet that night had been even if she'd puked her insides out after he stormed out of her hotel room. She had responded to him like she had no other man and it scared her that he seemed to know her body so well.

She responded aggressively, hoping to learn more about his feelings for her.

"Don't expect me to believe that for one minute, Sheldon Lee Cooper. No man has ever got me off twice with just fingers and his mouth, so don't you tell me you were a virgin. We mustn't lie to each other, Moon Pie." She cringed and her subconscious provided her with shame. _Hypocrite!_

"I'm not lying, Penny. You know I can't lie. I'd never engaged in coitus before. Yes, I've pleasured women orally and digitally before but I have never had intercourse."

"Where – how – I mean, you didn't get that proficient from watching Howard's porn or searching the internet." _'Other women?'_

"Of course not, Penny."

"You're not going to tell me, are you, Sheldon?"

"Now hardly seems the appropriate time or place for such a discussion."

"Sheldonnnnnnnnnnnnn…" she whined.

A/N: You'll get another one in a bit. The reviews were nice. Some of you are sooooo wrong about how this turns out. Totally like wrong.

Reparata B


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Here's the 2nd one as advertized. Is this the direction you all thought it was going?

Reparata B

* * *

_Sometimes the memories are worth the pain. Anonymous_

* * *

Chapter 14

"Penny, I hardly think a recitation of the saga of my lost years will in any way make our decisions about the rest of our lives any easier. Simply stated, as in the Readers Digest mode, after getting my 2nd PhD I lost sight of my goals and spent many, many, many months wasting my time on frivolous pursuits that garnered me much knowledge about women and their needs, and satisfied certain curiosities but little else. Now back to our discussion generated by your sotto voce admission."

She reached up and placed her hand on the back of his neck and pulled them closer. "Sheldon, listen carefully but forgive any grammatical errors and don't interrupt me, okay? I'm speaking from the heart and it never was great at grammar."

They were nose to nose and about an inch apart. He could smell the mint on her breath from her mouthwash and when she closed her eyes and took a few seconds to think about what she wanted to say, he knew she was going to finally tell him. _What _she was going to tell him was the question.

"Sheldon honey, that night in the hotel was magical and scary. It was magical because I felt like I'd found my other half. It was scary because I didn't know how I felt for sure and was afraid it was the booze and the way you brought me to orgasm so many times that I couldn't trust myself to say how I felt because there were too damned many variables affecting any decisions."

"Penny, you just referenced a scientific principal while unburdening your soul. Very impressive."

"What I feel _isn't_ a burden. Now quit interrupting me! I just need to know if your image of the future has all three of us in it or just you and the baby. If it doesn't, if the image is just you and our little girl doing stuff, then I can't go through with this. We'll stay together until the baby is born and then I'll leave. I don't want to get married just to satisfy some Puritan moral principal you've come up with. You can keep your damned money. I don't want anything to remind me of what I've lost."

He wiped away a tear that threatened to drop off one of her eyelashes and disappear into her hair. She felt emotionally drained. She'd told him the plain and unvarnished truth and now…

"A teardrop is insignificant in a pool of water, but it touches my soul when it runs down the face of the woman I love."

"Who said that?" Her voice was cracking with emotion. She knew she was going to lose it any second. The power had shifted and he had both hands on her heart and she was afraid he was going to rip it out of her chest.

"I did, Penny. There's no one else here but us." He leaned across the chasm that separated them and kissed her, sucking her lower lip gently and then finally pulling her against him as he broke the kiss.

"Please don't cry, Penny. It broke my heart when you cried over Leonard and now it breaks my heart when you cry over us."

"Us? There's going to be an 'us'?"

"The issue was always in doubt, Penny, but I knew that despite our original agreement that I would wear you down and bring you to your senses once I had analyzed that night. Did you really think I'd let the only woman I will ever love slip away without a fight?"

"I suppose you had a grand strategy in place and ready to spring it on me like in Halo, right?"

"No, Penny. I just…sit up. I have something to show you." She sat up and turned on the lamp beside the bed and Sheldon got out of the bed and stood before her wearing only his boxers.

"Don't laugh," he warned her. He turned around and carefully dropped his boxers around his ankles and said, "Look but don't touch. It's very sore. Strange, the last one didn't hurt nearly as much but then I was sober when I got this one."

A million thoughts ran through her head as Penny stared at the small tattoo decorating his right butt cheek – right in the center.

"Sheldon Cooper, you didn't! Yes, you did! My crazy whack-a-doodle Moon Pie got a cool tat! But what is it? 'I C?' What does it mean?"

"Look closer. Figure it out. I wasn't brave enough to get what I wanted so she made the down stroke of the 'P' into a 'One' and added the symbol."

There it was - staring at her in bright red ink outlined in black, still slightly swollen.

_**1¢**_

* * *

A/N: I'll post another tomorrow or Tuesday depending on YOUR responses...yeah, it's called blackmail but hey, a girl's gotta have feeeeeback since the S/O's extended.

Reparata B


	15. Chapter 15

He's annoying, he's hilarious, he makes me yell, he drives me bat-crap crazy, he's out of his mind and yet – he's everything I want.

* * *

_**1¢ **_

"Sheldon – what the hell?" She didn't exactly know what she was seeing and then 'the down stroke of the P' registered. ONE. CENT. A Penny.

He wasn't looking at her face so he didn't see the huge smile break out and then the tears of relief start to fall. So much stress and worry and fear all gone because of a simple slip of the tongue, an emotional conversation and a tattoo.

Sheldon heard her first broken sob and spun around totally forgetting that his shorts were around his ankles and so he fell forward and pinned Penny to the mattress with his weight.

Sheldon bounced back up as if she were red hot, afraid he might hurt the baby. He lay down beside her. "Is it that bad, Penny? I thought it was very creative."

"It's beautiful, Sheldon, and it's so _you._"

"Then why are you crying?" _'I shall never understand women if I live five lifetimes in five alternate time lines.'_

"Because I finally understand what makes us so good together. We just fit. It was always gonna be us, Shel, always. Leonard and all the others were just…surro…yeah, surrogates. It was always supposedto be me and you, sweetie. It just took us nearly five years to get here and I guess I'm crying because it's over and we won, Moon Pie! We won!"

Sheldon felt the draft from the air conditioner and realized that he was lying naked beside Penny and his mind short-circuited, and like a computer rebooting after a power surge, he blinked his eyes and then smiled a real smile that seemed to wash years from his face.

Her stomach growled and he chuckled. "Penny, now that we've charted our course for the future, might I suggest feeding the little parasite that inhabits your womb before it begins ingesting it's host?"

"Can't we just lay here and cuddle? I – " Her stomach growled _loudly_ and Sheldon laughed in delight.

"I think someone agrees with her daddy on the subject of food. We can, um, cuddle, when we return after you display your usual delight in losing to the slot machines."

She punched him lightly in the stomach and then pulled his face down and laid a toe-curling kiss on him. She felt him harden against her thigh and she started making her plans…she was gonna rock his world and then find out what other tricks Sheldon Cooper, PhD, had up his sleeves. The last time he had her whimpering for release and then he'd back off and move to a new erogenous zone and have her moaning and whimpering for relief and then he'd move to another... It was incredibly pleasurable torture.

'_Tonight, Moon Pie, I'm going to suck you eyeballs out through your dick. We never got that far last time…I'm going to make you so happy…'_

"Penny, you have the oddest look on your face. What's going on in that head of yours?"

"You'll find out later. Now, get dressed and feed me."

* * *

They ate in the casino buffet and Sheldon, of course, was extremely particular about what he ate, especially considering how many potential people may have breathed on his food.

"Sweetie, is that all you're eating?" She glanced at his plate and then at hers.

"Penny, do you have any idea how many people may have…"

"Sweetheart, trust me. You're gonna need your strength later so load up that plate and get to eatin'. I hear the sweet sound of SLOTS!"

When they finished eating, Penny burped into her napkin, muttered 'excuse me' and then held out her hand. "Money, Honey."

"Are you sure you'll be able to walk that far, Penny? You did seem to ingest a prodigious amount of food. Should I ask for a wheelchair?"

She leaned over the table, eyes narrowing dangerously. "I'm eating for two, Shel, and she was really, really hungry. Money, now. I'll make it worth your while later, baby."

He handed her $200 and muttered something under his breath that she didn't quite catch. "Um, Shel, I don't need this much money to play the nickel slots."

"You need that much money to play the DOLLAR slots, Penny. It makes no sense to wager a nickel times 20 lines times 5 credits when the payout is low when you can play the dollar slots with the same payout in credits but at 2.5 times the amount of the payout."

"Sheldon Cooper, you take the 'whoopee' out of playing the slots. Okay, I'll play the big buck slots. What are you going to be doing?"

"Collecting next month's mortgage payment. I'll be at the Blackjack tables if you need me or if you get bored."

"I'm never bored around you, Sheldon, and we'll always need you. Go break the bank, sweetie. Momma needs some new shoes!" She leaned over and kissed him, giggling at how red his face was when she'd finished plundering his mouth with her tongue.

Sheldon watched her walk away. She was always going to be the one. He knew that now. Maybe that's why he held out for so long in the face of such overwhelming temptation for all these years. He hadn't met her yet and he was just…waiting for her for all those years.


	16. Chapter 16

Love is blind, deaf and dumb. It is innocent and unsuspecting. It is a foolishness that pervades the human psyche. It is both spectacular and subtle, obvious and hidden, providing insights while blinding you to its venom. Those first few months are heaven. After that, you're on your own.

Chapter 13B

Penny found a spot not far from the Blackjack tables and fed her first $100 bill into the machine. It was a Double-Triple Diamond machine and if she were truly honest with herself, the idea of betting a dollar made her very cautious. She had never had a lot of money.

Still, her boyfriend was a genius and if he said play the dollar slots…

Sheldon found a $25 Blackjack table and took a seat where he could watch Penny. He really enjoyed just watching her indulge herself in something she normally would never have risked. He chuckled to himself when he saw her hop off her seat and do a little victory dance. The way she moved her legs and arms and tossed her hair around to a song only she could hear reminded him of that night at the recep –

"Sir, do you want to hit or stay?" The dealer glanced over her shoulder to see what he was staring at with that smile on his face and saw the blonde in shorts and a t-shirt doing her happy dance.

"Do you know her?" She figured the odds of this skinny guy knowing a woman that classy were about the same as her dealing him four consecutive natural Blackjacks. Slim and none.

"We're getting married tomorrow so I guess you could say I know her. Beautiful, isn't she? A free spirit who lives in the moment."

"Okay, are you going to play cards or…"

"Don't get in a snit." He peeked at his cards and frowned. He turned them over and said, "Blackjack."

The dealer froze for just a second and then smiled and paid Sheldon his winnings.

"Let it ride." He was dealt two Kings so he split them and then was dealt an Ace and another King. He didn't notice how the dealer's face paled and wouldn't have cared if he did.

The dealer was showing a Queen so Sheldon 'stayed' on his Ace/King and pair of Kings.

The dealer turned her hole card over and it was a Six. Sheldon smiled to himself. The odds of her pulling a Five were 1 in 16. She drew another card from the deck. Another Six. Busted.

"It looks like both of you are lucky tonight, sir," the dealer said when paying out Sheldon's winnings. Penny had apparently won something again and was doing her victory dance and the dealer had smiled at the look on Sheldon's face.

"Nope. Even if I lose, I'm still the luckiest man in the casino tonight. I think it's time to take her to see the fountains dance. It's something she wants. Cash me out."

The dealer watched the tall, skinny and somewhat dorky guy wend his way through the tables toward the blonde. _'Sometimes,' _she thought to herself, _'the Universe does get some things right.'_

* * *

Sheldon stood behind her and watched as her fingers pushed the 'SPIN' button and then touched the screen as if she could 'mojo' the reels to stop on what she wanted.

She was betting max and he was tickled that she had finally taken the chance. She mashed the spin button and a double and a triple diamond reeled up with a 'three bars' symbol on the third reel and Sheldon had to laugh out loud at her unbridled joy. "I WON!" She began her dance but plowed into Sheldon who instinctively wrapped his arms around her.

"I won, Shel! $120 bucks!"

He hugged her and then reached over her shoulder and hit the 'COLLECT' button and cranked out her winnings ticket. His little blonde bombshell apparently hadn't read the payouts nor had she really looked at the 'Pay' meter. Sheldon did the math and chuckled. $720 plus what she'd already won gave her a nice tidy sum.

"Time to check out the fountains, Penny. We can come back here after…"

She stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly and then grabbed his hand and headed for the lobby entrance.

* * *

Sheldon had no idea what to expect when Penny told him she wanted to see the 'fountains dance'. They found a spot that Penny said was 'optimal' and she slipped between him and the rail around the fountain and wrapped his arms around her. "NOW it's optimal prime, Moon Pie!"

The front of the Bellagio Hotel turned cobalt blue as the lighting for the 'dance' kicked in and Sheldon gasped in surprise when the music began and Penny started to sway in time with it. It was in Italian, whatever it was, and Sheldon's knowledge of Italian was limited to 'yes, no, and please and thank you' and various musical terms but whatever it was, it was beautiful.

The plumes of water swayed and interacted with one another and then the voice changed from a woman singing to a man's and the fountains reacted almost violently with a huge burst of water cascading in on itself from either side.

"Penny," he whispered into her ear, "what is that song?"

Penny turned in his arms and looked up at him with tears in her eyes and he panicked, thinking he'd screwed something up, violated some social protocol of which he had no inkling of its existence.

"It's called 'Time to Say Goodbye', Sheldon. I listen to it on YouTube when I'm feeling sad and it soothes me even though it's sad."

"But you don't speak Italian, Penny."

"You don't have to understand something to appreciate its beauty, sweetie. You don't have to understand everything in creation just to appreciate a sunset, do ya?"

"No, but it certainly helps." She poked him lightly in the stomach. "Sheldon, sometimes I wonder why I love you so damned much when you can be so aggravating."

"I don't mean to be. I used to think that if I loved you enough you would realize it and love me back, but I could only love you for so long, Penny, and I had already ceded my place to Leonard. I'm certainly glad we found each other. I was beginning to think I was the human rendering of the Monopole, doomed forever to be alone, unpaired."

"Well, sweetie, we're together now and that's what's important." She wondered what he'd meant by 'ceded' his place to Leonard.

"Hey, what did you mean about Leonard just now?"

"Well, when we first met in the hallway, he called first dibs on you and even though I found it hard to acquiesce, I ceded you to him, giving him first rights to try and date you…and whatever came next. It's why he's so upset that I'm with 'his ex'. He considers it a 'violation' of our friendship. He thinks if he can't have you, none of his friends should, either."

"So you mean all this time you wanted to – to date me - and you let a stupid 'rule' of Leonard's 'Bro Code' get in the way? Sheldon…"

She stopped and listened to herself. She would never have dated Sheldon back then. It was hard to admit but she had taken Sheldon at face value and only in the last two years had she looked deeper and realized just what a gem he was. Sure, he was border-line nuts sometimes but that just made him…more interesting. She was never bored around him.

"Sweetie, let's head back in. I'm getting chilled out here and I want to double our money. How'd you do at Blackjack?"

"Not as well as you did at the slots. You said you won $120 but I think maybe you need to look at your ticket again and maybe we need to see about getting your eyes examined."

"Hey! I can see just fine, Whack-a-doodle. Let me have my ticket…"

She'd won $1,200.00 not $120. What a difference a zero makes.

"I'm NOT getting glasses, Shelly. No way. Nuh-uh."


	17. Chapter 17

A/N: No rude or lewd funny business. Maybe on LJ but don't bother looking for it because I haven't written it yet. I'll let you know when the sweaty parts are up. I'm working a lot so expect shorter chapters not quite so often. No cliffhangers.

Are y'all getting bored? I can wrap it up in two if I hear enough 'yeah, boring'.

Reparata B

* * *

Chapter 17

_Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion. Javan_

They were curled up in the middle of the big bed. Sheldon had his back to the well-padded headboard and Penny was sprawled across him, running her hand up and down his arm, thinking.

'_Where did he learn to do some of that stuff? I thought I'd been around the block but he brings things to our bed that I've never even heard about!'_

"Sheldon?"

"Yes, Penny?" He was trying to ignore the moistness of her center that she had straddled over his thigh. It wasn't because of the possibility of disease, oh no, but rather the way it made him remember just why she was so wet and warm.

There had been some fear at first on his part – fear that he'd fail again to satisfy her with coitus – but she put that to rest with a combination of teasing and muscular control. How she had clenched around him -

"Tell me about the other women. Please? No gory details but just who and where and why and how long and how often and why you never said anything about them. Y'know, just the bare bones."

"Penny…"

"Please? I promise just tell me and I'll never ask you again but a girl's got to know about where her guy's been and with who. Okay, I want to know. I'm jealous I guess. No, not jealous…okay, yeah, I'm jealous and I'm a hypocrite because you never asked about all the guys…"

* * *

**A/N: There has never been sufficient explanation for what Sheldon did between Germany and CalTech so I've created a history for Sheldon called the 'Lost Years of Sheldon Cooper' to explain some things I've created in the 'Liars Universe' in which Only Once takes place. These flashbacks will appear from time to time in future chapters.**

**Any historical conversations or narratives are in Italics.**

* * *

The Lost Years of Sheldon Cooper

_Ilse Roetsch was an Ossi, that is, an East German who had migrated to the western part of the reunited Germany with her family to seek a better life. She had married early to a middle-aged industrial design engineer who traveled and who was more interested in money than in his wife and thus, bored, she sought other things and people to occupy her time._

_The third floor of their home in Heidelberg's Old Towne had been turned into a small apartment and she looked after the student tenants and took care of cleaning the apartment. The rent money went into her private accounts and her husband was simply glad that she no longer nagged him about being bored when he was away on projects._

_When Sheldon Cooper responded to a posting in the Student Center and appeared on her doorstep she almost sent him away. He was young – far too young for the intentions she had. She wanted someone virile, experienced and willing to accept the limitations and conditions of her offer._

_Still, the temptation of taking an inexperienced lover to her bed held certain charms and so she rented the apartment to him and then set about seducing him._

_Of course, Sheldon Lee Cooper, 17 and a prodigy, was totally unaware of any of her plans. He had to get away from the drunken revelers who lived with him in his student dorm and this off-campus apartment seemed the answer to his needs._

"Penny, when I was a student in Heidelberg, I rented an apartment from a German family. I lived on the third floor and spent little time there at first but once I felt more grounded in my studies and my lecturing, I spent more time there because it was quiet and it was _mine_."

"How old were you then, Moon Pie?" She had her head on his chest and he'd wrapped one arm around her and she felt secure and was listening intently to the steady lubb-dubb beat of his heart and his words.

"Seventeen, nearly eighteen. I'd won the Stevenson and then went to Heidelberg to study at the University and get my second PhD as well as lecture to seminars. The stipend paid my expenses and I was able to survive my own cooking."

"You're an excellent cook, Sheldon Cooper, so don't bad mouth yourself."

"Now, I can cook but back then…not so good, barely edible and sometimes inedible. So Ilse, my landlady, took pity on me and taught me how to cook more than spaghetti and then one afternoon…"

"_Herr Doktor Cooper…"_

"_Yes, Frau Roetsch?" His German was improving and others had him that he seemed to have an Ossi accent that seemed to tickle the students to no end._

"_You would call me Ilse, please?" She was working on her English and she'd been told that she seemed to have a mixed accent between American Southern and British._

"_If you wish. You may continue to call me Doktor or Sheldon as you prefer."_

"_Sheldon. I would make a proposition to you. I may not know the proper terms in English but your German is good enough to understand my substitutions."_

_She appeared nervous but then that was part of her scheme, to appear innocent and anxious, and she was very successful. _

_Sheldon Cooper had been raised by women, his father more drunk or absent than most, so his natural reaction was to offer comfort._

"_Ilse, you seem very nervous and ill at ease. Perhaps you shouldn't be here in my apartment. What might people think if – "_

_Her lips crushed his and her hands were everywhere at once, pulling his clothing away from his body and dragging him towards his bedroom._

_He had a juvenile crush on Ilse and what she did next surpassed his wildest fantasies when he masturbated. She shoved his head into her bare crotch and instructed him on the finer points of cunnilingus. He became quite adept at it after lots and lots of practice._

"She's the one who taught you how to…wow, I owe her a big 'thank you'."

"I haven't begun to show you some of the things she taught me. Shall I demonstrate?" He had no desire to discuss any of his 'women' with Penny and so he simply changed the subject.

"Oh, Shelly…" Those were pretty much her last coherent words for a while.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N: Last time I gave you a twofer, the reviews SUCKED...lol

Enjoy this. Going to be out and about for days.

Reparata B

* * *

Sometimes the person you really need is the one you didn't think you wanted.

And…since I'm of two minds today…

Love. Let me tell you about love. Either you love more or you love less, and the one who loves more ends up fucked. –Goldberry Long, _Juniper Tree Burning_

* * *

Chapter 18

Penny Larson had not been a very good girl in the sense that she was free with her body and loved sex. She liked the control it gave her over situations and men. Especially men. She could 'wing' most situations but men were harder to handle and so she used the gifts and talents Nature gave her to have her way.

Until she met Sheldon Cooper.

At first she'd been attracted to his lean looks and his blue eyes but when Leonard had made his move and Sheldon turned away, she'd dismissed him as unworthy.

Over time that opinion changed and now she was getting married to him. Her best friend and her personal Whack-a-doodle was going to be her forever guy. Part of her was thrilled because she was still the Nebraska farm girl who dreamed of something better than marrying a pickup truck and the drunk that drove it.

She hadn't been totally honest with anyone about her current 'situation'.

"Mmm, Penny, good morning. Did you sleep well?" Sheldon rolled over and ran his palm down her back and over her firm buttocks. He enjoyed the trembling he felt when he did so.

"Yeah, Shel, like a rock. Just woke up and I need the facilities so if you could like let me go…"

"I'll order breakfast from room service for us while you shower and stuff."

"Sheldon, let's hit the buffet and then I want to take a walk and just…talk, okay?"

"Is this going to be one of those talks like you had with Leonard? If so, I'll pass, if you don't mind." When Penny announced 'we need to talk', it usually ended with Leonard sulking in the apartment for days and days.

"No, sweetie, not one of those. Never one of those. I just want to talk about today and all our tomorrows. Nothing earth-shattering, just details, y'know?"

After eating breakfast, the couple strolled through the lobby and out onto the grounds. Even though it was early morning, the pool was filled with families enjoying the day before the heat set in.

"You wanted to talk, so talk, Penny.

"She let go of his hand and looped her arm through his and led him to a bench under some leafy plants. Her heart was beating so loudly she wondered how he couldn't hear it.

"Shel, I need to tell you about what happened with Leonard. _'And after.'_

* * *

**A/N: I love this quotation: **"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." Gloria Steinem

**It seems appropriate to put it here.**

* * *

"I already know, Penny. Leonard assaulted my ears in numbing and excruciating detail about every little nuance of his failed Beta Test."

"Yeah, I figured if he told you about 'thank you' then he would have covered this last time, too. I went into it with my eyes wide open and I knew it wouldn't work out but I did it anyways because it was what he wanted and I didn't want to hurt his feelings…"

"Are you trying to say that revising our agreement was what you thought I wanted and thus, not wanting to 'hurt my feelings', you voiced what I dearly wanted to hear? Are you having second thoughts, Penny?"

"No, Sheldon, not exactly second thoughts." _'Third and fourth and fifth and twentieth maybe…'_

"Then why are we having this conversation? We're getting married this afternoon and – drat! – I need to set up the camera! I totally forgot what with all the excitement…"

"We'll have plenty of time, Sheldon. Look, this baby is special to you, right? I mean, you really, really want to be the father and all that entails, right? It's not like some new video game with you, is it?"

"Penny, have you forgotten what I said in Leonard's apartment. This baby means everything to me. You mean everything to me. What aren't you telling me? Did you and the doctor not completely brief me on the results of your examination? You said you had another appointment next week and I read that most are monthly until the 3rd Trimester. Is there a problem with the baby, Penny?"

A hesitation and he grabbed her hand, suddenly afraid. "Penny – nothing's wrong with _you_, is there?"

She hesitated and his heart skipped a beat. "Penny?"

"It – I – I should have told you the truth earlier. Sheldon, I love you very much and it's hard for me to risk everything we have and might have but I just can't marry you without telling you the truth."

"_What_ truth?" His voice had dropped into a lower register and he seemed to focus his blue eyes on her green ones like those red lights that secret agents use to mark their targets so they can kill them efficiently.

"You – Sheldon, promise me you won't get mad, please?"

"I can't make that promise unless I know the circumstances, Penny. Just, as they say, 'cut to the chase."

"You – you weren't the last man I slept with."

She would have had a lesser reaction if she had reared back and backhanded him. He sat up straight and his entire body seemed to vibrate for a second like that of a cheetah on the Discovery Channel before it takes off and runs down a gazelle. The love she'd seen in his eyes seemed gone, replaced by bitter betrayal.

He stood up and, like the cheetah, took off across the landscape except that he was running away from something, not towards it.

"Sheldon! Sheldon, please don't leave me like this…"

* * *

She tracked him down. He was in the bar in the lobby and he was sucking down small glasses of absinthe and staring into the mirrors that lined the walls.

"Sheldon, honey, you didn't let me finish. Please…"

"I should think a mentally-challenged person could figure out the balance of that particular conversation. You're saying that I'm not the father of the child you carry and you don't even know who is, isn't that right, Penelope Larson?"

"Look, it was a week after we had our, after we had sex the night of the reception. I was really down and I missed my best friend," and here she poked him so he'd know who she was talking about, "and so I went out with some girls and I got really drunk and I let some guy take me home. I woke up in the morning, naked in my own bed, and no sign of the guy. I must have puked all over my clothes because they were soaking in the tub so at least I got sober enough to – "

Sheldon started laughing, the wheezy kind that annoyed Penny to no end and she knew that sometimes he did it deliberately.

"Sheldon, it's not funny! You're not my baby's father and I don't know who is! I lied to you and I lied to Leonard and – " She turned bright red as others in the bar turned and looked at them. She'd been…loud.

Sheldon took Penny's cell phone from her purse and ran down her contact listing and then made a call. It rang a few times before a surly female voice answered in a whisper. He put it on speaker.

"_It's not even 10am and you're calling me? Jesus, Penny, find someone else to drive you home. I got lucky and he's still asleep. What the hell is so important…"_

"Denise, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper and Penny is here and I'm handing her the phone. Please explain to her the sequence of events after the last time we spoke?"

Penny said 'hello' and then listened to her friend explain what happened the night she got blitzed and some guy tried to force her to go home with him.

"_The Stork showed up, whooped up on Mr. Pawsalot, threw you over his shoulder and lectured me for a good 5 minutes on the evils of alcohol and lack of self control and the dangers of 'drinking from open containers while surrounded by hormone-driven sexual predators who harbor antibiotic-resistant strains of STDs' before carrying you out of the club. People were applauding and it's probably on YouTube someplace, I don't know."_

"Okay, thanks, Denise. Go back to sleep." She disconnected the call and put her phone in her purse.

"It was you, wasn't it? Denise said she called Leonard and he told her 'no' so she called you and you came and rescued me from the asshole that was harassing me. Sheldon, my car was at home when I woke up. How did…oh, of course. You can drive."

"I told you I had a license, remember? I took a cab to the club because Leonard was playing the drunken sot again. Penny, maybe in addition to an eye exam, we should have you checked for extremely early onset of Alzheimer's?"

"I woke up naked…"

"You vomited all over us and I had to take care of your clothes and I couldn't find anything clean in that disorganized pigsty you called an apartment so you went to bed naked."

"You never said a thing about it." She was staring at him intently, not blinking.

"We were avoiding each other and I didn't think it was appropriate to bring up the subject considering that we weren't speaking. It would have defeated the purpose of avoiding and not speaking to you, don't you think?"

"And yet, you took care of me like you always do."

"Love is unconditional. Relationships aren't. So what if we were never to be together, I still loved you and cared for you and _about _you…" He turned pale. REALLY pale – then a greenish paler set in…

"And now it's my turn to be sick." He ran to the men's room. He must be insane to drink at all considering what happened when he did. And Absinthe was _her_ drink, not his. _Gisla._

A/N: More on the mysterious Gisla later. More than anyone else, she added layers and layers to Sheldon's emotional armor plate. RB


	19. Chapter 19

N

What I never understand about a hangover is, where does the breath come from? You know what I mean, is someone shitting in your mouth? – Richard Pryor

Chapter 16

Penny saw Sheldon turn pale and then _green!_

"Shel – " but he was gone, heading to the men's room with long strides, flitting between tables and people like a fullback, his hand clasped across his mouth like a breakwater against the rising tide.

She signaled the bartender and told him to bring her a club soda with lime and that she'd be right back. Penny pushed open the men's room door and called out for him but all she heard was a horrible retching sound. _'Found him!'_

Penny smiled at the men's room attendant who smiled back sympathetically and handed her a wet towel. "Wipe his face down with it and I'll have another ready when he feels able to stand. There's a casino doctor on call if things get really bad. A B12 shot will make him fee a lot better."

Penny and Sheldon delayed their wedding several hours because Sheldon insisted he wanted to get married as planned. "Just because I let my emotions run rampant over my good sense is no reason to postpone our union, Penny. This is Las Vegas, and Las Vegas never sleeps."

"I just don't want you feeling crappy when we get married. We can always hang out another day if you want."

"Some tea and perhaps something light to eat and I'll be good to go, Penny."

Instead, Penny called the hotel doctor, a woman, and after much arguing, Sheldon's abused buttock was pierced once again by a needle wielded by a woman of dubious skill and empathy.

"Don't be such a big baby, Mr. Cooper. It's just a little pinch. Oh, I see we're into body art…and your name is Penny? How romantic!"

* * *

The Hitching Post

"Penny, this is a BBQ restaurant! I thought we – "

"Hush, sweetie, and follow me. And don't forget the camera, Moon Pie. Texas and Nebraska will need proof. I don't want my daddy taking our baby's daddy out with a shotgun once he learns what's been done to his baby girl."

Penny was wearing the white t-shirt dress and heels and he was wearing a dark gray pinstriped suit with a burgundy tie and he looked incredibly handsome and sophisticated and she was so proud of him.

'_A year ago he'd be wearing plaid pants and two or three superhero t-shirts and sneakers and carrying his messenger bag and looking for all the world like a lost child.'_

A beautiful woman approached them and asked, "Dinner or wedding?" She could hear Sheldon's eyeballs click after rolling around in his eye sockets for a bit. The woman was 6' tall if she was an inch and was wearing almost nothing at all and wearing it so well…

"Wedding…and then maybe something to eat." Penny was in charge for a change. This was unknown territory to both of them but she had the 'street cred' and could navigate these waters.

"Okay, it'll be just a sec. I gotta find the Rev." She walked away, swaying as only a tall girl can and Penny sighed.

"Penny, those breasts are 'enhanced', her teeth have been capped and if you looked very carefully, she's had a lift or two. Your beauty is natural. Hers is manufactured and only a Philistine like Wolowitz could really appreciate the sensation of silicone squishing around in her fun-bags."

Penny whirled around and stared up at him in shock and surprise. Once again she wondered if he was telepathic.

"Penny, you're the only woman on Earth as far as I'm concerned so pack those petty insecurities away. Where is that 'Rev' anyway?"

"Right here, Bean Pole. Welcome to the Hitching Post where we feed bodies and join souls. I'm the Reverend Dorothy Sayers and yes, Bean Pole, I'm a real 'Reverend' although from time to time I do find myself wondering what there is to 'revere' but that's my problem. Let's get you two joined up and then I need to turn some brisket and rotate the chickens in the big smoker pit out back. Well, don't stand there gawking 'less'n you've changed your mind?"

She disappeared and the Body Goddess reappeared dressed in Las Vegas' idea of a choir robe complete with faux angel's wings and led the couple to a nice chapel off the main dining room. She flipped a switch and soft organ music filled the room and then Reverend Dorothy Sayers stepped out from behind a curtain. She was wearing clerical robes and the obligatory collar and smiling broadly.

"We are gathered here in the sight of God…"

* * *

Bellagio Hotel & Casino  
Cooper Suite

"I could get used to this, Shel." Penny snuggled up against her brand new husband and began fondling him. She wanted to make love again once he was 'up' for it. "It's nice that your little problem disappeared. Performance anxiety – _snort!_ – PIFFLE! You got some great moves, sweetheart, and you're only allowed to make them on me, understand? Mama's not into sharing her main man…"

Sheldon rolled over just to be closer to her and stared at her with that peculiar smile on his face that she'd come to recognize as his 'immensely happy with the situation at hand so don't fuck it up' smile. She kissed him and the rolled over and pulled his arms around her and listened as his breathing steadied.

Yes, she could definitely get used to this. It might take a few hundred months or so, but she'd eventually take this for granted.


	20. Chapter 20

Okay, I have a confession to make. These chapters are just Part ONE of a TWO parter. I figure I might post the part 2 eventually but considering the tepid (love that word) response I may just bag 'em.

Enjoy.

Reparata B

* * *

Chapter 20

Neither would admit it but they were exhausted, Penny more so than Sheldon. Every time she seemed to get to sleep, the little bugger in her belly would decide to hop up and down on her bladder and she'd drag herself from their warm marriage bed and pee.

'_I don't remember drinking this much water or juice so where's it all coming from? Every two hours? Look at the bright side…I'm awake and he's naked and…'_

The first time she'd taken him in her mouth while he was deeply asleep was something she'd remember until she died, remember even if she had Alzheimer's, and always remember it with a smile.

"Danger – oh, sweet suffering Jesus!" It was hard for her to smile when her lips were already stretched wide but apparently her giggles got to him and soon he was reciprocating in the most innovative ways after he'd maneuvered her to straddle his face.

Somehow she managed to accomplish her task despite repeated interruptions when her brain stopped functioning because his darting tongue was so deep within her or he had sucked on her clit and her orgasms had washed over her in continuous waves.

* * *

"I'm driving, Penny, and that's the end of this discussion. Put the seat back and sleep. And take your hand off my thigh. I am not having sex in the parking lot of the Bellagio!"

"How about when we get to the first rest stop?"

* * *

Pasadena  
Office of Dr. Fiona Logan, OB/Gyn

The nurse was much more pleasant and her preliminaries took only a few minutes although she still didn't know why they expected her to pee into a bottle with such a narrow neck.

Once the lab work was done there was little to do except wait with the other huge women. Penny admired her wedding band and how nice it looked. There were a few more smiles and fewer judgmental looks this visit than last.

"Penny, I've made a list of questions that I want you to ask Dr. Logan since I'm not permitted into her inner sanctum. Really, had I known that she was going to be so restrictive about my presence, I might have considered bringing in Dr. Koothrappalli from India to oversee your care. He's a well-known and respected – "

"Sheldon, give me the list and I'll ask those questions I don't think she's already answered a few dozen times. Chill, sweetie. It's no big deal – "

"It is to me. You two are my life and if anything happened – "

"Hush! Nothing's going to happen. It's just procedure. Work on your paper, sweetie. You need to 'publish or perish', right?"

"I'm thinking of going back to work earlier, probably next week, than I'd planned and saving the time for when the baby comes. You'll need help and I want to be part of her first few days in our home if that's okay with you?"

She hadn't thought about being alone. Sheldon had become such a fixture but she understood the 'why' behind his words and agreed. They should spend as much time as possible together after the baby comes.

'_Bonding' is probably the term he'd use. I just want to have the three of us together for those first few days. There will be so many 'firsts' and I want to share them all with him._

"Ms. Larson?" the receptionist called her name and Sheldon felt a moment's irritation when Penny failed to correct her but let it slide and returned to his paper.

He had read it over numerous times and finally accepted it as his 'best' effort and saved it and opened his email account and selected the 'Peer Review' list of recipients and typed a brief greeting and a request for a timely response.

He pressed 'enter' and his final paper regarding the merger of Quantum Field Theory and Quantum Gravity was sent out for review and criticism.

'_Take that! Leslie Winkle'._ He had added her to his peer review panel because her constant deriding of his String Theory papers and formulae frequently made him think in new directions and he'd come to value her written criticism even if the sight of her made him want to throw up.

"Dr. Cooper?" the receptionist called out his name, startling him and he hurried to gather his computer and notes and follow her back to the exam room.

"Is anything wrong?" The nurse smiled and told him to sit with Ms. Larsen and the doctor would be with them shortly.

"It's Mrs. Cooper. Please note that on her records and your charts." Again, he got that disgusting patronizing smile and he wondered if he looked at her naked body if he'd find a zipper and discover that she was really some kind of alien worm in a people suit sent to make humans uncomfortable.

"Penny, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I wanted you to hear something and look at something. The nurse showed me how to do it all by myself. Now, close your eyes and listen…"

Penny pulled up her t-shirt and placed a probe against her belly exactly as the nurse showed her.

'_Thumpthumpthumpthumpthumpthu mpthumpthumpthumpthumpthumpt humpthumpthumpthumpthumpthum p'_

"It's her heartbeat, Sheldon! Now, open your eyes and watch…"

She pointed to a monitor and then moved the probe over her stomach. "There's our baby, Sheldon. She's so tiny!"

As they were leaving, the nurse gave her a folder and an appointment card and told her, "Have a nice day, Mrs. Cooper." Sheldon smiled at the nurse.

* * *

When Penny got into her car she mentioned that soon he'd have to drive because she wouldn't be able to fit between the seat back and the steering wheel and still have her feet reach the pedals. That started Sheldon thinking about cars and safety standards.

"Penny, I think we need to buy a new car. Oh, don't look so shocked. We'll keep this one for me to drive but I want you to have a lot of steel and airbags and safety stuff around you and the baby. Maybe a big SUV or a Volvo station wagon."

Penny shuddered inside. _'My God, I'm turning into a soccer mom right before my eyes! What next, a – "_

"Penny, I haven't brought it up before, but the University has a Faculty Wives Club and I was thinking…"

'_Take me now, Lord, take me now.' _She had visions of purple-haired old women with white gloves sipping tea and talking about their favorite books. She was still young and alive. How could she tell him 'no' and not hurt his feelings?

" – that if an invitation should be made, we should demur as politely as possible." He was afraid she'd jump at the invitation.

"Huh?"

"I said – "

"You don't think I'd fit in, do ya, Moon Pie?" She was relieved that he wasn't pushing it but hurt that he thought she wasn't good enough. Hormones.

"No, Penny, you wouldn't. You'd probably break your neck tripping over the oxygen tank hoses that most likely snake around the buffet table and the bar. They drink a lot, those old near-deads, and take advantage of the free food. Ask Raj about it. He was a guest lecturer and it took more than booze before he could speak with them. He said they were really old cougars!"

* * *

512 Willow Glen Lane  
Pasadena

They were sitting at the kitchen table finishing off the Chinese take-out that Penny had suddenly craved and looking at the photocopy of the ultrasound of their baby. There was also a CD of the baby's heartbeat. It was still too early to tell the sex and the baby seemed unusually modest, not cooperating at all with a clear 'crotch shot'.

"We'll need to scan this onto a computer and send emails to your parents and my mother and Missy and Meemaw. We can add the photos from the wedding that the Plastic Body Goddess took for us. You looked so beautiful…"

"Shelly, my folks don't have a computer. I'll just get some prints made and mail them to them, okay? I'll take care of it tomorrow, I promise."

'_I suppose I should tell them I'm married and pregnant one of these days. God, I can just hear my Mom now. 'You're no different than your sister!' Well, my husband is a frikkin' genius and we live in a house, not a trailer park! Yeah, I'll call her first – to cushion the blow. Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow.'_


	21. Chapter 21

What is insanity, anyway? Is it when you scream and everyone else whispers, or is it when you fight for what you know is right even when everyone else thinks you're wrong? Anonymous

* * *

CalTech

Sheldon returned to work and stopped by Dr. Gabelhauser's office first to discuss his latest paper and also to advise him of his vacation plans for around the time of the baby's birth. He figured if he was going to have to be a father and an adult, he'd need to play office politics. He'd already been to HR so this meeting was more in the way of ass-kissing.

Eric seemed excited about something and smiled broadly, displaying near-perfect teeth. He almost hugged Sheldon who backed up against the door and tucked his chin into his chest to protect his neck.

_No more vampire movies for a while. Penny will just have to live without Vampire Diaries and True Blood._

"Doctor Cooper, I'm so glad to see you! The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has just announced the list of candidates being considered for the Nobel Prize in Physics. Congratulations, Dr. Cooper! I sincerely believe that you will be this year's recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physics."

Sheldon's eyes glazed over and he felt faint.

"Your recent paper has caused quite a stir and your self-styled peer review group has been sending copies of your paper to almost everyone on the Committee. Why, Leslie Winkle has been positively raving about the breakthrough theorems you've posited to - "

"I got married and I need to change the beneficiaries on my insurance and then schedule a vacation for when the baby comes. That's why I'm here, Dr. Gabelhauser. Somehow the Nobel doesn't seem quite like the Holy Grail it once did."

* * *

CalTech  
Sheldon's Office

It had been 27 days since he'd been here and he realized that he hadn't missed it one bit. He spent an hour cleaning up the dust and making sure it was as pristine as he'd left it. Sheldon booted up his desktop computer and downloaded the contents of his paper into his archives on the University's intranet and then opened up his email browser.

He quickly answered those from people he actually respected or liked and dumped the rest into trash. He hadn't opened up the peer review responses because he didn't want to deal with their comments. Six months ago he would be insufferably proud and arrogant but like he'd told Gabelhauser, his priorities had changed.

His stomach growled and he remembered he hadn't eaten breakfast because Penny had been sick again and his appetite always waned when his wife was sick. He'd have to research 'shared pregnancy symptoms'.

* * *

The faculty cafeteria wasn't crowded and for that Sheldon was very grateful. Penny had nagged and nagged at him until he agreed to wear his gray suit and the cobalt blue tie she made him buy and a crisply starched white shirt. She said it made him look more like a grownup. Gabelhauser had muttered the exact same thing.

He walked through the line quickly and then found a seat in a corner and sat down and started eating his BLT on wheat and occasionally sipping his iced tea.

"Well, looks who's back from vacation! Hello, Dr. Not-So-Dumbass-After-All. Your paper was cogent, offered a new paradigm for examining gravity and – brilliant. Whoo! Now that I've got that off my chest, I can go back to being your worst nightmare."

"Your criticisms were most helpful, Leslie. I found myself rethinking conclusions and approaching things from a slightly different aspect on more than one occasion as a result of your comments."

"Who the fuck are you and what have you done with Sheldon?" Winkle was deathly serious. She didn't recognize this guy who said he was Sheldon Cooper but certainly didn't dress or behave like the Sheldon Cooper she'd been harassing since shortly after they'd arrived together at CalTech.

"I assure you, Leslie, that I am in fact Sheldon Lee Cooper. The fact that I offered sincere thanks for your criticisms should hardly cause such crude language in this, a bastion of academic endeavors."

Leslie had taken in the haircut, suit, shirt and tie and…

"Dr. Cooper, is there something you might like to share with the class? Like what is the underlying reason for this sudden burst of normalcy on your part?"

"There has been a huge fundamental paradigm shift in my worldview and in other areas. Leslie, for years I tried to make sense of a world that I found chaotic and pointless. I tried to fit in, the proverbial square peg in the round hole, if you will allow a weak but descriptive analogy. And it didn't work! But now, I have found my square hole and I suppose I'm happy…perhaps content is a better word – and that's what you may be perceiving."

"Wow! So tell me about these shifts."

"I bought a house, got married and am soon to become a father. Those changes formed the template for everything that followed."

"M-Married? To whom? And she's pregnant already?"

"To Penny Larson and yes, she's pregnant 'already' although it's my child in her womb. I have heard its heartbeat and I've never heard a more beautiful sound, Leslie."

"I need to sit down. Is it hot in here? I feel faint. You're really Sheldon Cooper, right? Not some evil clone he ginned up in his garage?"

"I am he. He is me. No clones. No pods decaying under my bed as Leonard once theorized. I'm just…happy, Leslie."

She noted that he kept calling her Leslie as opposed to Winkle or Dr. Winkle and that knocked her off her stride even more. He never called her anything but –

"Leslie, would a cold compress on the back of your neck help? Or a bottle of cold water? You do look paler than usual."

"No, Sheldon, I just need to wrap my head around this. It is a lot of data to assimilate at one time. I think my brain is in overload mode, that's all."

"I suppose that can happen – the brain overload – but surely someone as intelligent as you can cope without falling apart, Leslie."

"Shelly, do you ever think back to – "

"No, Leslie. I don't. I learned from it, though. It was a life lesson I took to heart. You must excuse me. Barry Kripke is here and I cannot abide his presence."

"Yeah, I heard he sicced the cops on you for beating the crap out of him. I'm sure he deserved it, Sheldon. He does look funny though with his nose in that metal t-frame and bandages. You sure did a number on him."

"Leslie, I did no such thing and I'll thank you to stifle any misconceptions others may have regarding my participation in any assault on Kripke or anyone else for that matter. I did no such thing. I am incapable of it. Violence is the last option for a thinking person and I am, after all, _Homo Novus_."

Winkle watched Sheldon Cooper carefully for the telltale signs that he was lying. She knew that he couldn't lie without great effort and that effort manifested itself in a series of twitches and rapid eye blinks but she saw no such signs and she relaxed, surprised at the slight feeling of disappointment she felt.

She wanted him to have lied; she wanted him to be more aggressive and domineering like before but saw no signs of it. He was back to being 'submissive Sheldon'.

Barry Kripke walked into the faculty cafeteria, saw Sheldon sitting with Leslie Winkle and blanched. He turned on his heel and headed for the vending machines in the corridor. The cops didn't believe him but he knew what he'd seen and he remembered exactly what Cooper had said to him in that dark alley.

_'If I see you so much as look at her again, you may not survive our next encounter.'_

"Hey! Look who's here!" Leonard and Raj walked into the cafeteria and sat down, Raj next to Sheldon and Leonard next to Winkle. The look he gave Winkle was so obviously one of appraisal that Sheldon winked at Winkle when she glared at Leonard.

"Hofstadter, that ship has sailed. Put your eyes back into their sockets, hobbit-boy, and graze on your salad. Hello, Raj. Just nod. I know you're glad to see me."

Winkle loved to jag Rajeesh Koothrappalli about his inability to speak with her unless he had alcohol in his system. She found it endearing and refreshing that at least one of the three mouseketeers listened to her.

"Sheldon and I were just discussing Kripke's unfortunate interface with someone's angry fists. Has Kripke said anything to either of you about it? I'd blow the guy who knocked him on his rude ass."

Leonard inhaled a bacon bit and began to hack up a lung while Raj was trying to swallow a mouthful of Mountain Dew without embarrassing himself. Sheldon merely gave her that quiet and secret smile that he gave when he knew something that no one else did.

_'No way! Not Dr. Dumbass! But I know that smile. He did! And somehow he's learned to lie…'_

"So, Leonard, fill me in on the goings on of the Wandering Wolowitz. How long will he be gone? Bernadette must be torn between pride and terror. Have you seen her since the house warming?"

"He's in Houston undergoing some fittings for his EVA suit and training in their antigravity tanks and Bernadette told me he was having a great time," Raj explained.

"How's Penny, Sheldon?" Leonard asked the obvious question. His mother was very interested in how Sheldon was adapting to marriage and impending parenthood.

"She's still suffering from the occasional bout of morning sickness but it's fading fast. We got to hear the baby's heartbeat and saw an ultrasound of her. Penny is amazed that something so tiny can be doing jumping jacks on her bladder."

"So it's a girl?" Winkle asked Sheldon. He looked so happy and she couldn't ever remember seeing the smile he had on his face back in the day.

"I'm hoping for a girl but will be satisfied with a healthy baby. The sonogram didn't yield any hint of its sex for us." It would appear that the fetus is unusually modest.

"Unlike its mother…" Leonard muttered under his breath.

"Leonard, speak like that again about Penny in my presence and I will feed you to the sharks at the City Aquarium." Leonard looked guilty for a moment while Raj just laughed and then made a joke and began lecturing Leonard on propriety.

"Sheldon, you would be arrested immediately for cruelty to animals. Leonard, you should show respect for the mother of his child. You did not speak of her in such a way when the two of you were together, did you? No. So do not speak ill of Penny now. Your mother would hardly find fault in Sheldon's actions if he were to feed you to the sharks – although he never would, would you, Sheldon?"

There was a long and pregnant silence while Sheldon once again attempted to blow up Leonard's head with the power of his incredible intellect.

"Sheldon? You wouldn't feed Leonard to the sharks, would you, my friend?" Leonard and Sheldon had locked gazes and Leonard finally blinked and apologized.

"Of course not, Raj," and he smiled at his Indian associate.

"Whew. After what happened to poor Barry Kripke, I wasn't sure," said Raj.

"I'd feed him to the piranhas." He didn't smile that time and Winkle suddenly felt faint again from the sudden rush of heat that seemed to center in her nether regions and set fire to her loins.

'_Submissive my ass! He's been suppressing it all this time but something's happened to bring it out again. If Leonard disappears…should I go to the police?'_


	22. Chapter 22

I'm going to truncate some parts and move directly into part 2 but you wond notice. Hell, no one even reads...

* * *

Chapter 22

The fifth and sixth months of her pregnancy had flown by. They knew they were having a girl and Sheldon had been so delighted that Penny had commented to the doctor that 'my husband has a thing for little girls, apparently' and Sheldon had momentarily been scandalized until he saw the smiles on the two women.

Her weight gain was perfectly 'on the curve' and her morning sickness was finally a thing of the past. Sheldon was so thankful because he really missed breakfast.

The seventh month had produced astounding changes in Penny's body. For one thing, her breasts had gained a cup size and Sheldon often thought back to their foray into the lingerie section of Macy's when they'd first gotten married. Everything had been so 'new' to Sheldon and Penny had enjoyed his wonder and had dragged him into the changing room for a 'quickie'.

Not any more, though. Penny had gone out alone yesterday to buy new underwear and when Sheldon had come home from the University, he found her curled up in bed, eyes swollen from crying, rubbing the sides of her burgeoning stomach.

"Penny, what's wrong?" He was hyper-aware of any mood changes. The hormones were still playing havoc with her and he always 'tested the waters' before speaking. She was argumentative and surly one moment and then remorseful and weepy the next.

"Nothing fits anymore! I hate this. I can barely see my toes! My boobs are enormous and I'm getting stretch marks!"

"Penny…"

"You don't love me any more, do you? We don't have sex the way we used to. You barely touch me and…and…" Her face crumples in on itself and he's beside her on their bed in an instant, pulling her into a loose embrace.

"Penny, we made love the day before yesterday. Twice. I will always love you, Penny, and it hurts me more than I can say when you accuse me of – "

The wailing reaches new levels of anguish interspersed with her apologies for doubting him and he's totally out of his depth in dealing with emotional cycles. He doesn't know what to do so he falls back on a time-tested place of comfort.

'Soft kitty, warm kitty…'

"I'm sorry, Shelly. I don't know what's going on in my head. It's just hormones and – Whoa! You daughter just kicked me in the ribs! Feel!" She grabbed his hand and put it on her side and she missed seeing the million candle smile that burst across his face when his little girl kicked again.

* * *

They frequently had friends over for dinner or to watch a movie since Penny refused to venture out in public 'looking like I swallowed a bowling ball,' a comment that was soon modified as her pregnancy progressed to 'looking like I swallowed a pumpkin'.

Howard was still in orbit on the International Space Station and so they invited Bernadette more often than others because she was lonely and slowly being driven crazy by Howard's mother. Penny sympathized with her and the two women became closer than ever.

"Bernie, Sheldon and I want to ask you a serious question and we can't wait until Howard lands safely because I'm due before he is. Will you and Howard be God Parents to our baby? As my husband will probably write out an agreement, I just wanted to assure you that we're not talking anything more than looking after her if anything happens to the both of us. You'll have plenty of money since he insured us up the ass against almost anything."

Bernadette was Catholic and so the role of the godmother was one she was familiar with. "Oh, Penny, we'd be so honored…but nothing will happen to you two. You're both young and healthy…"

"Just a formality that Penny insists on. It has its roots in ancient times when life was more perilous what with wars, diseases running rampant and life expectancy rarely exceeding forty…"

"Howie will be so thrilled. I'm talking with him later tonight so I'll fill him in."

Sheldon hadn't told Penny about the Nobel Committee's list. He felt she had too much stress in her life as it was and so he never mentioned his nomination.

Penny hadn't mentioned things either - like her marriage and her pregnancy - to her parents. So far as they knew, she had simply changed her mailing address and was still working as a waitress and trying to break into TV or the movies.

She always left the room to talk with her mother when she called. She didn't have the courage to face the disappointment and caustic comments from her parents and she never spoke with them in front of Sheldon. Her parents still thought that Leonard was in her life. She hadn't told them about that, either.

Sheldon had told his mother and his beloved Meemaw, of course, and their reaction had been one of surprise and then an offer of financial support. Sheldon had gently reminded his mother that he was still sending her money each month and if he couldn't afford it then he wouldn't be sending it.

Missy had exploded onto the phone with questions and comments and laughter and joy that Penny needed. She was making plans to fly in when the baby was born.

"Penny, Shelly will be a bag of jelly when you need him the most. I swear, the boy faints at the first drop of blood and changing a poop-filled diaper will probably make him buy a Haz-Mat suit. He's so afraid of germs…"

"Hey, don't rank on him, Missy. He's changed a lot – we both have – and he's become my Rock and he'll never let me down. Sure, make your plans. It'll be nice to have one Cooper around who isn't constantly hovering over me. He's so damned clingy, Missy, and he even paints my toenails for me 'cause I can't see them any more!"

Penny held the phone away from her ear. Missy's squeals could deafen a person.

"Oh, Penny, it's true love! Shelly hates toes and feet because of all the germs…"

Penny laughed, not because of Missy's comment but because her Whack-a-doodle had driven her mad one night by sucking on her toes and then eating her out so thoroughly that she had lost count of her orgasms.

"Missy, I'll see ya in two months. I'm really looking forward to seeing you again and I know Shel is, too, even if he keeps muttering things like 'chicken droppings'."

* * *

Things started taking a turn for the worse early during her eighth month. She had a dizzy spell while pulling out of the garage to go grocery shopping and their almost-new 2-year old Volvo station wagon now had a massive scrape down one entire side. Sheldon had insisted on taking her to the emergency room despite her pleas to 'just let me lie down, honey. I just got dizzy for a second…'

"Mrs. Cooper, your blood pressure is high and you're going to have to modify your diet and behavior until we can get a handle on it. I don't want to use any of the standard medications because you're so far along in your pregnancy. Here's a list of restrictions and dietary items to eliminate totally. I've already gone over them with your – "

"No SEX?!" Penny gave Dr. Logan her death glare. Sex was something she craved but she knew Sheldon and she resigned herself to being a nun for the next few months.

"It was getting near the cut-off date anyway, Mrs. Cooper, but with your lab results…yep. No more nookie until six weeks after delivery. Your blood pressure is in the range we call Stage Two Hypertension and being pregnant makes it more dangerous for the mother and baby."

* * *

"Sheldon, I'm sorry about the car and no sex. I'm so sorry…" She lapsed into tears and Sheldon could do little for her except take the next exit and drive home as quickly as he could.

He got her into bed and curled up beside her and whispered that 'that's what insurance is for' and that nothing mattered more to him than the health of the two most important people in the world to him and he was okay with no sex. He held her until she finally fell asleep and then eased off the bed.

He needed to read the instructions Dr. Logan had given them and then go through their refrigerator and pantry and throw out anything on the list.

Sheldon made her dinner. He wasn't hungry. He had spent the early evening hours while she slept researching all the buzz words and technical terms and phrases he'd read upside down in Penny's file while the doctor made notes in it . It wasn't the ethical thing to do but to him, anything to do with the welfare of his wife and their baby _was_ the right thing to do.

"What's wrong, baby? You seem a million miles away."

She took the remote from him and turned off the news. He had been staring at the TV screen for a while, not moving, just blinking, but not really seeing it. She'd been resting on the couch, her head in his lap. He had been absently running his fingers through her hair. It was one of the nicest things he did outside of the bedroom.

"Um, nothing, Penny. Just thinking, that's all. Are you hungry? You didn't eat much at dinner."

"You, my love, didn't eat _anything_ at all so c'mon, Shelly, 'fess up. What's got your knickers in a twist?"

"Work, nothing more. I have a paper to get out and I'm stuck on something, nothing more. You know how I am when I can't push past a problem."

"You, Sheldon Cooper, never let anything stand in your path for long. If you run into a wall, you just jump over it or tunnel under it. You never give up, never surrender."

"Oh, good Lord, Penny, _Galaxy Quest_? I'll allow it this one time since you're pregnant but after Gracie comes, no more quotes from that trashy cult piece."

"Well, is it as bad at the **_Kobebryan Maru_ **thingy?" She deliberately butchered the name. He was so much fun when he was in Trek-mode.

"Penny, it's _Kobayashi Maru_ and I sincerely hope it's not such a scenario for I have no way to change the outcome unlike James Tiberius Kirk."

He had completed a consent form should it be necessary to perform a Caesarean Section and there was a question that had startled him and then sent him into the dark depressive place he was today.

_#4. In the event of a life-threatening situation requiring a decision to select the mother or fetus as the surviving party, whom do you designate?_

He found himself unable to make a decision of such import without consulting his wife, his partner, his one and only true love. How could he ask her to opt for her own death over that of her child? How cruel was the medical profession that it would ask a husband to make such a choice?

He left that question unanswered and wondered just how many men had to make such a choice for real? How many husbands chose their wife's life over their unborn child and how many of those men were now divorced as a result?

"Penny, let's go to bed. Maybe a good night's sleep will provide me with a solution."


	23. Chapter 23

A/N: This is the final chapter in Part One. Part Two is written and waiting to be posted as chapter 24 and so on. Thanks for reading along, even those of you who had trouble with the premise or understanding that life isn't a comedic sit-com after all.

Remember, I write as an adult for adults so some of you are probably going to scream in agony or flame me with your usual 'no log-in' fecal opinions safely ensconced behind anonymity. Go ahead. This happened to friends of ours and it's not as uncommon as we all think, just not 'talked about' like it's a damned thing to be ashamed of.

Reparata B

* * *

Chapter 23

_I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn't look at her," she said of the depression she felt after having her first child. "I couldn't hold her and I couldn't sing to her and I couldn't smile at her … All I wanted to do was disappear and die."_

_Brooke Shields Autobiography_

Dr. Sheldon Cooper was exhausted and yet he couldn't sleep. His sister had flown back to Galveston so he and Gracie had spent a lot of time together. Every moment he spent with his daughter was precious to him.

Penny had developed eclampsia and delivered Grace Larson Cooper via C-section. She was 47 days premature and spent the first 12 days of her life in an incubator in NICU while her lungs caught up with her. Penny had responded well to the anti-hypertension drug regime and had posted normal blood pressure readings for several days before being allowed out of bed.

She didn't want to hold Gracie or feed her or do much other than sleep and her OB/Gyn set up a consult with an experienced therapist who spent time with them individually and as a couple, working on her depression.

_"Dr. Cooper, it's called postpartum depression and it's a very real condition. You should continue to do just what you've been doing, loving her, supporting her, giving her every opportunity to spend time with Grace. She feels lost and nothing seems to make sense and everything is so overwhelming to your wife right now. Be patient."_

"_How long does this last?"_

"_It lasts as long as it lasts. That's the best answer I can give you. We'll continue therapy but I don't believe in filling my patients full of chemicals just so their families are comfortable around them. If you want a 'Doctor Feelgood', I can recommend several."_

* * *

Penny had good days and bad days and slept most of the day sleeping. She wasn't interested in much and when she did get interested, it quickly waned. Sheldon hired a nurse to help with Grace while he was at the University after Missy left. Penny fired the first two and Sheldon finally let her do the hiring.

Things leveled out but she still seemed lethargic and slept a lot of the day away, only getting up when he came home from work and not always then.

_"Sheldon, could you sleep in the spare room for a while. You toss and turn and you wake me up and then I get cramps and can't get back to sleep. Please? It'll only be until I am totally healed, Shelly, and then we can sleep together again."_

He would do anything for her. Anything. He moved into the spare bedroom and slept on the bed they'd bought when Missy came.

They had spectacular arguments about the most unimportant things and Penny regularly threw his devotion to his daughter in his face.

_'My God, Sheldon, you're so fucking dense. You don't love us, you just want us around, fawning over you, drooling over you, making you feel so damned important. You don't love me…you just want to possess me like some thing, a trophy, like your precious Nobel Prize that you'll never, ever win. You don't know the difference between possession and love. You're selfish, Sheldon Lee Cooper, selfish.'_

Sheldon schooled his features and wouldn't let her know how badly her comments about not knowing the difference between love and possession had hurt him, made him doubt his feelings. He'd never been good with emotions and now he had his foundations shaken by the woman he 'loved' and now merely 'possessed' according to her words.

_'Penny's not a thing. Gracie's not a thing. I don't keep them around like trophies. I – I love them. I do. I love them.'_

He found it very hard to get to sleep those nights they argued. He had eidetic memory and those fights (and those of his parents) replayed over and over in his mind until he came to doubt his own feelings for his wife and baby.

Any affection he showed Penny was either rebuffed (_I don't feel sexy, Sheldon, and I'm not doing anything until I do_,) or ignored. Even trying to hold her in bed without any intent other than comfort and companionship was rejected.

_'Sheldon, you're all bones and you hurt me…'_

* * *

Sheldon Cooper was informed by the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences that he would be awarded the Nobel Prize for Physics in Stockholm, Sweden on December 10.

He called the house and the nurse answered and he could hear Grace Larson Cooper cooing softly in her arms. She was a beautiful 5-month old and looked like her mother more and more as she got older.

Penny wasn't home. The nurse told him that she'd left for an appointment with her therapist right after he had but hadn't made it home yet. Sheldon called her cell phone but it went right to voicemail. Sometimes after her appointment she went shopping. He figured that's where she was. She lost track of time when she shopped. He was just glad she was up and going out in public.

She wasn't home by 5pm and Sheldon was worried. He sent the nurse home and cooked himself some mac n' cheese and gave Grace a bath and then fed her and rocked her to sleep in the nursery. He called Penny's cell phone every 15 minutes but it always went straight to voicemail.

He called the police at 9pm and tried to file a missing persons report but they told him he couldn't do it unless there was evidence of foul play or 48 hours had elapsed. He called everyone he knew but no one had seen her.

He broke down and called her therapist, waking her from a sound sleep.

_"Dr. Cooper, your wife didn't have an appointment today. She called my office shortly after being discharged from the hospital and said that you were taking her and the baby out of town and that she'd reschedule when you got back. She never called to set up an appointment."_

His mind was racing and he'd run out of things to try. He put Gracie down for the night (until her 2am feeding) and then walked into their bedroom and started searching for clues, something that might tell him where she'd gone and maybe why.

He opened her walk-in closet door and cried out like he'd been stabbed in the chest. At least half her clothes and the luggage they'd bought for a honeymoon (after the baby comes, Sheldon) were gone. There was a letter addressed to him on a pillow on the unmade bed. He almost missed it.

_'Sheldon: Please don't hate me but I can't do this. I'm taking the money I've earned out of our account and leaving. Please don't try to find me. I can't be a wife and mother. It's just not me. I guess I shouldn't have asked to amend our agreement, Moon Pie, but I was caught up in the idea of marriage and a family. You were right. I just wanted to give you what you wanted. I'm sorry. Find someone else to be your daughter's mother. It's not me. It's not who I want to be. It's not who I can be._

The letter rambled on for nearly 4 pages and he was hoping for some clue that would tell him what he'd done wrong and how to fix it but when he got to the last lines he finally broke down and cried.

_'Sheldon, I loved you as a friend, my best friend, my rock. I could never love you as anything more than that, surely even you can realize that?'_

Inside the envelope were her rings, credit cards and her keys to the house.

* * *

The police called a few days later and said that the Volvo had been found at the bus station. No one remembered a blonde woman buying a bus ticket.

That had been two months ago. He was somewhat famous due to the Nobel Prize nomination and the local media picked up the story of her disappearance and the police finally got off their asses but there was no sign of Penny anywhere.

_'Dr. Cooper, your wife is an adult and left of her own free will. It is not a police matter and we've closed our file. I hope you find her but there's nothing else we can do. Sorry.'_

* * *

LAX Airport  
The morning Penny left

Penny paid the cab driver and then sat on her suitcases and speed dialed a number on her cell phone and listened to it ring and ring until finally a woman answered.

"Hi, Mom, it's me, Penny. Listen, things aren't working out very well for me right now and I wonder…can I come home?"

'Penny Cooper' had been left in a bedroom in a house on Willow Glen Lane. Penny Larson caught a flight to Omaha.

* * *

Larson Farms  
Omaha, Nebraska

Penny worked in the farm office and tried to make some sense out of her dad's filing system. Unpaid bills, checks from customers and various documents littered the desk and her first priority was to sort them all out by vendor and then decide who got paid and when, make bank deposits and read all the correspondence. Her dad was a great farmer but not a great administrator. When she'd come home, he offered her a job running the farm office. The pay wasn't great but she had her own money and her Dad certainly needed help with the 1800 acres of wheat and corn he planted.

"Your mom's not much better than I am, Slugger, so anything you can do to organize things will be a great improvement."

She mentally thanked Sheldon for teaching her how to prioritize and organize. He'd taught her how to organize her 'office' when she was working PennyBlossoms. She started to cry and walked out of the office and back to the house. She undressed and curled up in her bed.

* * *

Her parents were worried. Something had happened to their daughter in Pasadena and neither of them could get her to talk about it. They knew she was depressed but didn't know what to do about it. In desperation, they contacted a local mental health clinic for a referral.

Her dad was sitting in the farm office going over some accounts one evening when the call from Sheldon came.

_'Larson Farms, Wyatt Larson here.'_

_'Mr. Larson, this is Sheldon Cooper. I'm Penny's…friend…from Pasadena. Is she there? I really would appreciate the opportunity to speak with her.'_

'_She's not here, Dr. Cooper. Is there something you need? I can take a message. She's seeing someone in town tonight.' _

Penny's mother had badgered her into seeing a psychologist about her crying jags and depression and she had a group therapy session twice a week in town and a therapy session scheduled for that night.

Wyatt decided to see what he could find out what happened in Pasadena.

'_Dr. Cooper, you're friends with Leonard. What happened between those two? She told us that the two of them were a couple again and then she quit talking about him and we didn't hear from her for the longest time. What happened?'_

'_Penny's seeing someone?' _

"_Yeah. He's really good for her. She's been seeing him for the past couple of months and it seems like she's getting to be her old self again.'_

'_I won't bother you again, Mr. Larson. Thank you for your time. Um, is, is she happy?'_

'_Yeah, I'd say so. Certainly an improvement over how she was when she first came home. Want me to have her call you?'_

"_No. That won't be necessary. I found out what I needed to know. She's happy with things as they are. Please don't mention my call.'_

And he didn't.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Honestly, it's anal pores like the anonymous reviewer who probably needed help with the big words (Your friends sure are fucked up) who make me want to quit this and find something worthwhile to do with my time…

* * *

**Marriage** problems are a fact of life. Most people struggle at some time with conflict that involves them and their partner. It's difficult when you feel the love slipping out of your relationship and you're not sure what you can do to stop the destruction.

* * *

A large package arrived a week later addressed to 'Penelope Larson'. Penny was in downtown Omaha at a group therapy session and then had planned to meet some old friends for dinner and a drink so her mother opened the package, unable to contain her curiosity.

When Penny got home at about midnight, the lights were all on in the sprawling farmhouse and her parents were sitting around the coffee table in the living room looking at a digital picture frame that showed a changing series of photographs. There was a large cardboard shipping container full of various items but the first thing she noticed was her red Flash sleep shirt that she stole from Sheldon on top of her remaining clothes.

"Oh, no…" She wanted to run and hide. She could deal with things so long as no one knew what had happened but now?

"You have a lot of explaining to do, young lady! A baby! I have a granddaughter and you have a husband who loves you…"

"Hush, Wyatt, you'll just get your blood pressure up again. Penny, sit down and start at the beginning. It's a beautiful house and although he seems…odd, he does have a nice smile and it's so obvious that he loves you and your baby."

"Play the video for her. Let her see what she's done to them! I'm – I'm going out to the office and work on some accounts. I have a son-in-law and a granddaughter and you never said a damned thing, Penny…how could you? How - " He turned on his heel, not trusting himself to say anything else. She was exactly like her sister.

Wyatt Larson fumed and muttered and then sat back and tried to calm down. He reviewed the conversation he'd had when Dr. Cooper had called and tried to remember exactly what was said and by whom.

_'I found out what I needed to know. She's happy with things as they are.'_

He knew that his explanation could be taken one of two ways and his son-in-law had taken it badly. The short but rambling video he'd sent explained so much and for the first time in a long time, he was ashamed of his daughter even though she had serious 'issues'. _'I wonder if she's told her therapist about her baby?'_

* * *

"And so I left. I came home. I'm so damned confused and I know I should love him and my baby but I don't. I don't want to hold them or be touched. It almost physically hurts when he touches me. I can't stand the thought of being touched or of a baby crying and being so needy when I can't…I mean, I don't know how to handle it all. I dumped it all on him and he was so supportive. He was my rock, Mom, my rock and I left him and told him I didn't love him like a wife should love a husband."

"Did you mean it? You married him. Did he pressure you into marriage?"

"No! He was so sweet. I said I wanted to try a real marriage and a family. I brought it up. I wanted it then but now…"

Her mother handed her a box of Puffs and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. She hadn't even realized she was crying until then.

"Penny, you need to go home or at least call and talk to the man. He's hurting, Penny, and he thinks he is responsible for you leaving."

"I'll just screw it up and then what? We had the most horrible arguments and I told him he didn't know how to love anyone – just possess them, like things. He's so damned selfish, Mom, and he doesn't really care about people…"

Penny's mother opened up her laptop (yes, she even had email) and clicked on an icon. The frozen image of Sheldon and Grace appeared. She'd book marked them on the video Sheldon had sent. It was because of the look on his face.

"Look at that man's face and tell me again how he can't love anyone. That same look is on his face in the pictures in that digital viewer thing whenever he looked at you, even in candid shots in Las Vegas at the wedding. Look at him, Penny Larson, and tell me that man's not in love with you and how he can't love a baby!"

"I don't love him like that! I got pregnant and we made a deal. He got a baby and I got $1,500 for each month we were together and then $1,000 a month forever or until I remarried. I was desperate, afraid, all alone and he – "

"And he was abandoned by a wife he didn't know didn't love him or her own child. You left them both behind and ran away. Why? I doubt he was abusive or demanding but Penny, _you had a baby together!_"

"I don't want to talk about this any longer. I'm going to bed." She started to stand up but her mother shoved her back down in the chair.

"Oh no you don't, young lady. It's just a little after 9 in California. You're going to call him and talk. You don't have to make any promises or commitments but at least let him know you're alright and not drunk in some bar trying to hook up with someone so you don't have to face reality."

"I can't do that. I don't want to talk to him or anyone else. None of you understand – none of you! You're just like the rest of them! All I want to do is go to sleep and never ever wake up!"

* * *

Jenny Larson was nobody's fool.

'_I'll bet she never told the therapist about what really happened in Pasadena. I'll bet he's treating her for 'normal' depression. This will change things. With the proper diagnosis, the right treatment will bring her around, I hope.'_

Penny had left her purse on the floor beside the coffee table and Jenny dug through it until she found her cell phone and paged down through the contacts until she found the one she wanted.

She used her own cell phone to place a call to a man she couldn't blame for what was happening in her daughter's life. She'd seen the video and how he'd spoken so eloquently about trying to figure out what he'd done wrong so he could fix it and then maybe she could come back and they could try and 'fix the marriage and be a family again'.

"_This is Dr. Cooper. I don't give interviews and any questions you may have should be directed to the University' Public Affairs Office. Goodbye."_

"Sheldon, wait! I'm Penny's mother and – "

"_Is there something wrong with Penny? Has something happened to her?"_

Gone was the cold and metallic quality from his voice when he thought he was talking to a reporter. His voice was now full of worry and caring.

"Do you have Skype, Dr. Cooper? I'd like to talk with you face-to-face and I'd like my husband here as well. It's about Penny…and the baby."

"_She lost all hope of gaining custody when she left. Did you know that she's held Gracie twice in her whole life? Twice!"_

"I only want to talk with you and…could we please see my granddaughter."

"_Why the sudden interest? She's eight months old."_

"We didn't know until a few hours ago that either of you existed! Please, just because my daughter is a cruel and confused woman, don't punish us by keeping us from seeing her, please?"

"_Penny never told you about…no, of course not. Better to go home and start over with a clean slate. Penny said you didn't even have a computer."_

"We have several on our network server here at Larson Farms. Agribusiness is fast-paced and we use…look, give me your Skype address and we'll call back shortly, please? I know an apology from us is – "

"_No apology is necessary, Mrs. Larson, especially not from an unsuspecting grandparent. Thirty minutes? I need to give Gracie a bottle and then she'll be more attentive."_

Sheldon gave her his Skype address and disconnected. He had to give Gracie a bath and get her dressed in something nice to meet her grandparents. The bottle thing was just a delaying tactic. He wanted his daughter to make a good first impression on her maternal grandparents. She would probably end up living with them if Penny pressed for custody.

Jenny Larson walked out of the house and over to the farm office to talk with her husband. They had to plan their conversation and avoid any pitfalls. Their new son-in-law was obviously defensive and uneasy when the subject of Penny came up.

* * *

512 Willow Glen Lane  
Pasadena

The video call with his in-laws went very well as long as the subject was Gracie or their farm or his house but when the conversation strayed into Penny-territory, he became wary, muscles tensed, almost crouching on his couch like the cheetah Penny had tagged him with and holding Gracie closer to him, prepared to defend his child.

Gracie was a precocious and serious child who had never been spoken to harshly and had never heard her father use the tone of voice he used and it upset her. The moving shapes on the screen became loud and harsh and she started to whimper.

"Mr. and Mrs. Larson, I know you love your daughter but what she's done…"

"Surely, Sheldon, you can forget – " Wyatt began but Sheldon cut him off.

"No! No, I can't forget. I can't forget anything. I can tell you what I had for lunch on any given day since I was 3. I can recount verbatim every conversation I've ever had with anyone. I sometimes live in those memories of Penny and I in much happier times but the memory of the horrible arguments, the accusations she made…those I can never forget. I have eidetic memory. I can't forget a damned thing no matter how hard I try."

The Nebraska couple were quiet, one in shock, the other thinking back to a conversation he'd had with Sheldon. _'Shit'._

"Imagine being able to recall every emotion, every feeling, every word that was screamed at you, every incident of mockery and bullying, every cruel laugh because you were different, imagine never being able to forget."

Gracie picked that moment to turn in Sheldon's loose embrace and pat his face and smile up at him. He turned her so that her grandparents could see the look on her face.

"Oh, my, it's Penny at that age."

"Yes. I have my own little daily reminder of what I've lost but more importantly, of what I've _gained. _She's ready for bed so I must say goodnight. Please feel free to call anytime or, if you wish, visit. The house is big and I'd appreciate the company. No need for a hotel and if you wouldn't be offended, I'd like to send you both tickets to come visit for Christmas."

"Just the two of us, Sheldon?" Penny's mother wanted to get them back together. They belonged together.

"Yes, just the two of you. Who else would you wish to bring? We'll be back by the 20th so please, anytime after then will be fine."

"Back from where?" Wyatt was more direct than his wife.

"Sweden. Gracie and I are being received by King Gustav of Sweden and will receive the Nobel Prize for Physics," and he looked down at his little girl and continued in a much softer voice, "isn't that right, Gracie? You get a new shiny to play with. Won't that be fun?"

* * *

Penny heard Sheldon's voice coming from the living room and for just a moment she thought, '_He's come for me…he's come for me because he really loves me_,' but then when she slipped down the stairs and sat on the landing she saw the computer screen and knew her mother had called him.

She peaked through the banister posts like she had on Christmas Eve and watched Sheldon and her daughter on the small screen.

'_She's so big! And he looks so tired…'_

"…I'd like to send you both tickets to come visit… just the two of you…"

She slipped back up the stairs and into her bedroom and cried herself to sleep. _'What have I done? I can't go back and I can't stay here…'_


	25. Chapter 25

This chapter covers several months. S-E-V-E-R-A-L months. I am downloading all that has been written to date and will possibly get around to finishing it shortly. I've cut chapters and so if the continuity seems to jerk around, well, the theme remains intact and that's what's important. No 'Sheldon's Women' so us your imaginations to backstory Gisla, Harriet and Leslie. I hope you still think it's a happy ending.

* * *

Chapter 22

He fired the nurse shortly after Penny left. 'Fired' wasn't the right term, really. He simply told her that her services were no longer needed, that he would care for his daughter. He softened the blow with a check for 2-weeks in lieu of a notice.

It was awkward at first, learning how to anticipate her needs, her schedules (_'she's even more rigid in her schedules than I')_, but he learned and together they managed to forge a cooperative of sorts.

"Gracie, we're going to work today and I need your total cooperation if we're going to make this work. Just nod your head if you understand. You do? Good. Daddy's got to teach a bunch of future physicists all about the wonderful world of physics and you, my little stinky-pants, are going to sit in your seat and listen and learn."

He changed her diaper _(How can someone so sweet create something so foul?),_ dressed her for the day, packed 3 additional outfits and enough diapers to supply a small nation and all her supporting gear into her bag and then got himself ready.

"Grace Larson Cooper, I know you're unhappy with me right now but Daddy's got to work and I promise you when we get home, we'll have all the time to play and see just how much you learned in class today."

She looked at him with those huge green eyes and then smiled an almost toothless grin and he suddenly couldn't breathe, felt clammy and short of breath. He sat down and forced himself to relax.

'_Of course she looks like her when she smiles. She's her daughter. I need to enjoy her smile and not think about her mother. This is not helping things at all. I can't 'move on' as she requires if everything about Gracie reminds me of her. Her eyes have those same little crows' feet wrinkles at the corners when she grins her toothless heartbreaker.'_

* * *

_CalTech_

She was only 3 months old and she cried through almost all of his first lecture until he picked her up and walked back and forth in front of the class of students, lecturing on as if this were an everyday occurrence.

Some of the female grad students thought it was sweet while others wondered how Dr. Cooper managed to find a woman willing to allow herself to be violated and end up being his baby's mother. They would be surprised to know that he had thought the same thing lately.

Together they managed to get through the day without serious mishap. Every day was a little easier than the one before it. Every day he would find something new about her to fill him with wonder. Every day at least one of the girls in his class would offer to hold her and keep her from fussing while he lectured. Every day he missed Penny more and more and every day he cursed himself for his inability to make her happy.

He missed her and Gracie simply could not fill the void. He was lonely. Grace was six months old and filled his days but at night…

Bernadette and Raj offered to babysit at the drop of a hat. Raj was a special favorite of Gracie's and she babbled happily whenever she saw him. She was fascinated by Bernadette's long blonde hair and babbled on and on as she played with the ends of her long tresses.

Sheldon appreciated his friends' interest and caring since occasionally he just couldn't have Gracie with him, such as a haircut or a doctor's appointment.

* * *

He drove the Volvo into the garage and ran into the house trying to run between the raindrops. Bernadette was watching Grace while he had his annual physical required by the University's wellness program.

"Sheldon! She pulled herself up on her two little feet and used the couch to walk across the living room. She's getting to be such a big girl." Eight month old Gracie was bouncing up and down on her lap and reaching for Sheldon.

"Damn! I missed her first steps! I knew it would happen when I wasn't here. I wanted to video it for the Larsons and my mom."

It wasn't all sweetness and light. At seven months, Gracie now understood that she could see something she wanted and get it, even if it meant crawling across the floor and maybe falling on her face a time or two. She didn't understand about lamp cords and she scared the crap out of Sheldon one night when she pulled the lamp on the end table down on her. She wasn't hurt, just scared, but Sheldon berated himself for not taping down the lamp cords.

She sat quietly on her dad's lap when he Skyped with the Larsons but erupted into giggles and babbles when the screen displayed her grandparents. She'd learned to blow kisses and wave earlier and so she entertained them with babbling nonsense and kisses while her father tried to talk or listen.

She also learned that if she slammed the lid of Sheldon's laptop computer that everyone went 'bye bye' and she killed a lot of conversations by reaching out and slamming the lid and babbling on happily.

But not even Sheldon could anticipate Fate and her damned fickle finger.

* * *

Larson Farms  
Small town outside Omaha, Nebraska

One Saturday afternoon he was working at home on his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize and he'd carried Gracie into the kitchen while he made some tea. He only had his back turned for a second and she was gone, crawling and scuttling across the quarry tile floor and heading back into the living room where she'd left her stuffed elephant that Raj had given her. She and the elephant were inseparable and she wanted it.

She pulled herself up using the coffee table, the elephant forgotten, and began typing and playing with the wireless mouse and somehow, some way, she called her grandparents.

Jenny and Wyatt had wisely moved the Skype connection from the laptop in their living room to the computer in the farm office. Penny's breakdown when she overheard Sheldon speaking with her parents made them decide that such a move was in everyone's best interests.

Penny was working on entering some grain storage billing data into a database when the Skype connection was made and the irritating sound of the 'phone' ringing made her click on 'answer'. She hadn't ever used Skype before and just clicked on 'answer with video' thinking it was one of the farm's more sophisticated customers or shippers.

Gracie crowed with delight when she saw Penny on the screen and started babbling her newest favorite sound in the world and clapping her hands and reaching for the screen.

"Mum-mum-mum-mum."

She heard Sheldon call out "Grace Larson Cooper, what are you doing now?" and knew that he hadn't 'set her up'.

No. This was Fate, God, the Universe, trying to right a wrong.

"Gracie, baby, hi, I'm your…I'm your mommy. You're so big…and so pretty." She was trying not to cry. She didn't want to upset her baby girl any more than she already had by being gone from her life.

"Gracie, I turn my back for one second…Jenny, Wyatt, I'm sorry for the interruption." He saw the video confernce screen and assumed... "She just – oh, it's you." His tone of voice gave away his surprise and dismay at seeing her instead of his almost-ex-in-laws.

"Hi, Shel." She couldn't think of anything to say. Her therapist had her role playing a situation where a chance encounter occurred but she never thought - .

"Gracie, here's your elephant that Uncle Raj gave you. And yes, that's 'Mum-mum-mum'. Say 'hello', Gracie. Can you say 'hi'?"

He picked her up and sat her on his lap so that Penny could see how big she was but couldn't see him above the shoulders. He tried not to look at her but just a glance told him that she was thinner and that her hair was a lot longer.

"She loves her elephant but forgets to drag it along with her. I was in the kitchen and one minute she's hanging on my pants leg and the next she's scuttling in here to find her elephant. She's crawling now and she can pull herself up using the furniture. She'll be walking soon and that will create a whole new dimension for me to deal with."

She could hear the tint of bitterness in his tone but he wasn't the kind of guy to lash out and hurt her just because he had to deal with being two parents 24/7.

"She's so big, Shelly. And she's smart, too. I can tell."

"I don't care if she's dumb as a box of rocks. Like I told you a year ago, she's not a science experiment. She's my daughter and I love her." He stared at her and then reached for the laptop lid to close it and end the near-rupture of his heart.

"I have to finish my speech for Stockholm and then begin packing up for our trip. She's a clothes horse, aren't you, Gracie? If you want to call her, please do it before 7:45. That's her bedtime."

"Sheldon, can we talk for just a few minutes?"

"No, Penny. I said everything I had to say on the video recording I sent along with your clothes. Are you ready to come home, Penny? It's a big house. We probably won't even _see_ each other except on occasion but I'd like Gracie to have a mother figure in her life. You could continue your therapy here and be part of Grace's life and I would, of course, continue to pay you a stipend as we originally agreed."

He wanted her home. Maybe she could finally tell him what he'd done that was so wrong that she had to cut herself off from them and leave. He could fix it. He could fix anything – except his broken heart.

She hadn't had the courage to look at the DVD recording. It was still in her mom's laptop in the house.

"Sheldon, I-I can't – "

Gracie leaned forward and grabbed the lid of the laptop and slammed it shut, chortling with glee as only an 8-month old can.

"Gracie – No!" She heard both her parents shout but it was too late.


	26. Chapter 26

I will finish this.

* * *

Chapter 26

He waited but she didn't call back. Given her track record of late, he wasn't surprised. Disappointed to the point of distraction, yes, but surprised…not in the least.

* * *

Gracie was fussy and so he fed her some sweet potatoes and then cereal mixed with formula and then fed her a bottle. Sometimes she would hold the bottle but for her last feeding, he held it. If he was being totally honest, he loved watching sleep take her. Her eyes slowly closed and she reminded him of her mother so much at those times that it brought tears to his eyes when he was tired. And God, he was tired.

It was a little after 3am when Grace woke up screaming and Sheldon felt that she was too warm and panicked and called the pediatrician. She was pulling at her ears and the weary doctor told him it was probably just an earache and to just rock her back to sleep. If she continued to run a fever then he should call her office in the morning for an appointment.

She didn't sleep and pulled at her ears. Her temperature was 101F and he'd never had to deal with a sick baby before so he scooped her up and drove to the ER.

"Dr. Cooper, I'm going to call Grace's pediatrician in. Her eardrums are enflamed and her temp is 102F and we're going to start an IV and we'll know more shortly, but look, didn't you notice she was fussy earlier than just this evening? These things don't just pop up overnight. Surely she seemed fussy for the past few days? Where's her mother? Didn't she notice anything different about your daughter?"

Dr. Hayashida examined Grace and had medication added to her IV and then took Sheldon aside for a 'conversation'.

"Dr. Cooper, her ears are infected. Didn't you notice any behavior changes in her? Surely she must have shown some signs or irritability, difficulty sleeping and general crankiness? Didn't you notice anything?"

"She was fine all day, just a little warm when I fed her dinner and she was her usual happy self. She woke up screaming and crying and I called you at 3am and you said - "

"Yeah, I know what I said. Look, I'm going to admit her and start her on a course of broad spectrum antibiotics but first we'll work on making sure she's not dehydrated while we wait for the labs to come back this afternoon."

She cried most of the morning and all Sheldon could do was hold her, rock her, and sing 'Soft Kitty' to her. Every once in a while he'd notice a nurse stop at the room door and look at him with the oddest expression that he'd never seen before.

_'Why is she looking at me like that? Damn it, Penny, I need your social skills to get through this. What kind of parent am I that I didn't notice her ears were infected? I was too wrapped up in my speech and my own problems to pay attention to my little girl! I'm – I'm unfit to be her father. A real father would have known that something was wrong. A mother would have known. I didn't notice anything…'_

Gracie was released on December 15 after 5 days in the hospital. The looks that Sheldon thought were disgust and condemnation were really ones of concern and pity mixed with a little awe at seeing a real, live, Nobel Prize winner who was really a single father who hardly slept or ate, and only went home when the nurses told him he needed to change clothes and shower and 'freshen up'.

He had constantly barraged the nursing staff asking what he could have done to prevent this from happening. There were no good answers and this only fueled his fears that the next time his daughter might not fare so well with an imbecile for a father.

His pediatrician apologized to him for her brusque questioning. It had been a staph infection and yes, they did sometimes appear almost overnight.

It didn't make him feel one bit better. If anything, it made him feel worse.

There was a TV station news van staked out in front of 512 Willow Glen Lane and he refused to answer any questions, and tried to shield Gracie from the cameras.

He didn't know it but it was a big deal when a physicist blew off the King of Sweden, the Swedish Academy of Sciences and the Nobel Prize ceremony because his child was in the hospital. The fact that he was a single dad whose wife had abandoned him and his daughter added to the 'human interest' and they wanted to interview the man whose family was more important than fame.

* * *

Larson Farms  
December 22

Jenny Larson was just about to leave and drive into town to meet Penny for lunch and have a long discussion about Sheldon Cooper and his daughter, Gracie. Penny had had a particularly brutal session and had called her mother because she was too upset to drive and told her mom she 'needed to talk'.

A dark brown Volvo station wagon pulled up the drive and parked and a tall man got out and then proceeded to remove an infant car seat from the back seat.

"Sheldon?" She knew it was Sheldon but he looked terrible. She had watched his TV 'interview' and flinched when he'd punched a cameraman who was trying to get in close to his baby girl who was crying.

"Um, Mrs. Larson, um, Jenny, I'm an unfit parent and I think a baby needs her mother more than a father who…who can't even keep her from getting sick. I know this is unexpected and you probably don't really want her but it's you and Wyatt, or I put her up for adoption, or maybe the Wolowitzes can take her as they are her godparents. Penny was right about me all along."

He handed a shocked Jenny Larson her granddaughter and then wordlessly unloaded the car, stacking the Rubbermaid cases neatly on the porch and then going back and removing a dissembled crib and mattress and finally a highchair. He wasn't dressed for Nebraska in December and was shivering almost uncontrollably.

"Here is a list of foods that she likes and those she dislikes and we're working on adding more vegetables and fruits every week. Here's her daily schedule but obviously 'lunch with Leslie and the boys' is off the table. She has a favorite toy that's probably under her bum by now and she's slept most of the morning. There's also a check for Penny for half the Nobel Prize money and the deed to the house and…and a list of all Gracie's clothes and toys and…and I'd just like to say goodbye to her and then I'll be out of your hair. My attorney is preparing divorce papers and I haven't asked for custody or visitation."

"Sheldon Cooper, you _will_ slow down and come in and sit down before you fall down. You'll catch your death of cold out here dressed like that. How long has it been since you've eaten or slept more than a few hours? I can't believe you drove from California to here in this weather…"

"Shit! I have no winter clothes for her except for the parka and leggings I bought her for our trip to Sweden and she's wearing those now but I'll run into town before I leave and get you a starter set. We drove because she can't fly with her ears. It was a staph infection and I've done everything but boil the damned house to keep it clean but…"

She reached over and grabbed his upper arm and dragged him into the house. She phoned her husband and told him to 'get your butt to the house' and then called Penny and told her to 'suck it up and come home – your husband and daughter are here'.

"You shouldn't have called Penny. I'm sure she's busy with whatever it is she does nowadays and I don't mean to disrupt her schedule – just another example of how selfish and thoughtless I really am. A baby will disrupt all your schedules. I didn't think this through. I need to reevaluate and perhaps opt for Social Services or Bernie and Howard. Yes, I'll repack the car. It was nice meeting you in three dimensions."

"Sheldon Cooper, sit your ass down on that couch while I make sure my granddaughter has her elephant and I pick up things to make sure she doesn't – well, you and I both know what goes into her hands ends up in her mouth. Won't take me but a minute."

Sheldon smiled when Gracie held her arms up as a signal to 'pick me up' and Jenny whisked her off the floor and into her arms and started talking to her in that strange language that only babies and grandmas understand.

All the strain of arguing with the lawyers and then with Gabelhauser regarding his resignation and packing all her stuff and then driving almost nonstop and taking care of Gracie and finally knowing that she was where she would be safe and loved caught up with him. He fell asleep sitting upright.

* * *

Starbucks  
Omaha, Nebraska

'_Suck it up and come home – your husband and daughter are here'._

Penny almost dropped the phone in surprise. '_He's here? Why? Oh, crap, I look like hell. I should have worn something nicer but shit, I had not idea he'd be coming…'_

She drove her dad's pickup truck and somehow kept it on the black stuff between the trees even though she couldn't remember driving back to the farm. Her mind was going a mile a minute and if she was honest with herself as the therapist insisted she be, she'd have admitted to being both thrilled and terrified that _he_ was waiting for her.

'_I need to say something other than 'Hi, Shel' this time, that's for damned sure. Why is he here? What does he want? What do I want?'_

She saw the Volvo in front of the house and smiled when she saw that he hadn't bothered with getting the scrape along the side fixed yet. Somehow it made her feel better. Her 'superman' husband had not managed to keep his world quite so perfect in her absence.

'_That's not fair! He's been doing three jobs while I laid around feeling sorry for myself. If I'd just had the courage to tell him how I felt and if I'd gone to therapy, all this might just be a funny story to tell Gracie's kids someday. Instead, I left him to deal with all of this on his own and I didn't even have the courage to tell him goodbye. I don't deserve him. I want them back so bad but I don't deserve either of them. I left them when they needed me and ran home and…'_

She wiped her cheeks dry with the sleeve of her coat and got out and walked into the house using the back door. He was probably in the living room and her mother was probably trying to get him to eat something and talking his ear off about Gracie and the hospital so she could slip in unnoticed and check out the situation for herself.

'_Coward! Own up to your mistakes. Talk with him, not to him. Be open and honest. Tell him how you feel and hope he's charitable and lets you at least spend time with Gracie over the holidays. Beg him if you have to.'_

Her conscience had the voice of her therapist, who herself had suffered from Postpartum Depression and nearly lost everything and who now tried to help others avoid the mistakes she'd made.

She walked into the kitchen from the mud room and heard something she'd only been dreaming about since…

"Ma-ma-ma-ma." Gracie was in her highchair and saw her and yelled out her favorite sound. Somehow, 'Da-da' never made her hit parade of sounds even though 'Daddy' was ever-present in her life.

"Well, go pick her up and hug her, Penny. She's such a sweet little girl. Her father's in the living room but I don't think you should bother him right now."

Penny scooped up her daughter and held her tightly, barely holding back her tears. "This is only the third time I've held her. How could I have turned her away?"

"Penny, you're sick but getting better. Just be thankful that she's here. Listen, we really have to talk but I'm waiting for your father to come in and then we'll – "

"Who have we here?" Wyatt's booming voice startled Gracie and she clung to her mother and buried her face in her hair.

"Hush. Not so loud. Her father's asleep on the couch. Get yourself some coffee and we'll talk. Things are happening that I don't fully understand but I'm sure Penny will be able to shed light on why her husband thinks he's an unfit father and wants to give his baby away to us or strangers."

"What? He's here? What's going on?" Her father sat down at the kitchen table and reached for Gracie but she hung on to Penny and muttered 'Ma-ma-ma' and tugged on her long hair.

Jenny filled them in on what she knew and then looked to Penny as if to say 'Well, he's _your_ husband'.


	27. Chapter 27

It's short because there's a bunch missing. Triage.

* * *

Chapter 27

"Mom, I don't have a clue. Shel's mind works in ways no one can understand but I know one thing…he's _not_ an unfit parent. If anyone is, it's me, and I think you all would agree."

The sharp sound of an open palm striking Penny's cheek startles Grace. The sound of this warm one's gasp saddens and angers her. She whirls around as only a baby can, clutching her elephant to her, and glares at her grandma who has just slapped her mother's face.

It looks like she's trying to blow up grandma's head with her little mind.

"Oh, my Lord, that's him, right there. Those piercing eyes, that firm chin, those bloodless lips and that look that says 'Don't you dare!' Penny, she's definitely her father's daughter, and she protects what she loves."

Jenny had seen that look on Sheldon's face on the TV when he'd punched that damned pushy cameraman. That same look of protective defiance…

"It's okay, Gracie. Mommy's okay. Don't be afraid," Penny whispers in her daughter's ear. She can feel the tenseness in her baby's slight frame and wonders if she and Sheldon have given the world its first Global Empress. Penny giggles at the thought. _'Sheldor the Conqueror and Queen Penelope's child would one day rule the world!'_

Penny chuffed a laugh at her crazy thought and felt her baby immediately relax and start to babble nonsense that made elegant sense to no one but herself but seemed to calm everyone down.

* * *

While Sheldon slept the afternoon away, Penny and her father set up Gracie's crib in the guest bedroom and put all her paraphernalia in place.

"I suppose we'll have to take down the bed after Sheldon leaves just to make room for her stuff. I'd forgotten how much stuff a baby has."

"We can take the bed down right now, Daddy. Sheldon will be staying with me in my room whether he knows it or not. If the bed is gone, he'll have no choice but to sleep with his wife, right?"

When they had unpacked her clothes that Sheldon had sent she had found her rings and had worn them ever since. Her hand didn't feel heavy as it had in Pasadena. It felt…perfect.

It took them a while but they finally muscled the mattress and box springs into one of the storage buildings behind the barn and then her father asked her the question that had been on his mind since Gracie and her dad showed up.

"What now, Penny? He's here but obviously has no intention of getting back together with you. He's convinced he's a crappy dad and that we, this family, can provide something for Gracie that he can't. So, what now?"

"I think he just needs a 'period of adjustment' and a breather. He's been 3 people for so long and has had no support at all and he's stressed. I'm going to teach him how to relax and have some fun, Nebraska-style."

'_God help Sheldon Cooper,' _thought Penny's dad.

* * *

Penny walked quietly into the living room and then sat down on the loveseat across from Sheldon. She didn't want to startle him or wake him for that matter. He looked exhausted. He looked thinner, needed a haircut badly, still couldn't tie a Windsor worth crap but he still looked like the man she was so happy to marry.

She glanced at the old Regulator clock on the mantle and made a life-changing decision, or so she hoped. Her mother had Gracie and was trying to teach her how to play peek-a-boo but every time Jenny would cover her face with her hands Gracie would pull them away and glare at her.

Penny walked over to Sheldon and grabbed both his hands and said, "Sheldon, time for bed, honey. Let's get your suit and tie off you and you can lie down. C'mon. Work with me here, Shel."

She knew he was still technically 'asleep' but she pulled one arm of her shoulders and led him to the steps, maneuvered him up to the 2nd floor and then into her, hopefully 'their', room and sat him down on the edge of the bed.

She stripped him down to his boxers, pushed him back onto the bed and then covered him and pressed a kiss onto his cheek, resisting the urge to strip down to her skin and crawl in next to him and become his second skin.

'_No. Too soon. I have to confess 'all my sins' and beg for forgiveness. I have to own up to my flaws and talk with him about us and our family. He has to understand what I've been through and what I'll need to do in the future. And about the drugs. And my mood swings. And how I need to know he'll still love me when I tell him I don't - because of my depression.'_

Penny hung up his suit coat but decided that the pants needed a good pressing so she carried them and his shirt and socks downstairs to the laundry room, plugged in the iron and threw his shirt and socks into the washer.

* * *

"Oh, good. You're just in time. Miss Pooped-in-her-pants needs a diaper change. C'mon, I'll 'supervise'," said her mother, a feral gleam in her eye. She couldn't wait to see the look on Penny's face when she took off the diaper and found…

"Oh, my GOD!" Penny stepped back and Jenny put a hand on Grace's tummy. "Penny, you can't just step away from Gracie. She'll squirm right off the changing table. Now, here's what you do – "

Sheldon had heard Gracie and dragged himself out of bed and moved on autopilot, following the sound of her crying. She needed changing.

"Sorry, Gracie, took me a while to find you," his voice instantly stopping her crying. Sheldon didn't exactly bull his way between the two women but he did move, even though still almost asleep, like a robot with a purpose.

"Okay, here's the way we change your nasty nappie. Ready?" He didn't seem surprised that it was undone. Nothing Grace did surprised him. He expected to come in and find that she'd changed her own diaper one day soon. She didn't like a messy butt at all.

He dragged her diaper bag over and found the wipes and cleaned her up, putting the messy wipes in a plastic zip-lock bag. Penny knew he was barely conscious and found his moves endearingly 'Sheldon'.

Next he found a tube of 'Dr. Boudreaux's Butt Paste' and spread a liberal amount over her fanny and then pulled out a new diaper and had her redressed in seconds. He folded the messed diaper expertly and refastened the gummed tabs and for the first time seemed unsure of himself.

"Here, Shel, I'll take care of it," said Penny, taking the cocooned poop from him. "You go back to bed, sweetheart. You're still dead on your feet." She gently turned him around and he just shook his head and wandered across the hall to the warm bed he'd left.

'_Dreaming again.'_

"Well, that was…interesting. I didn't think he was really awake. He really has things organized, doesn't he?"

"He wants things to be where he needs them and yeah, he wasn't really awake. I watched him lurch around at 2am and it was like watching a ballet. He would change her, go to the kitchen and microwave a bottle, sit in a rocker and feed her and then burp her and then put her back down and be back in bed before I could really wake up. He'd do the same thing at 6am, too, and then make me breakfast and head out to the University."

"An unfit father? No way."

Jenny showed Penny how to press off his suit pants and iron his shirt. It was the first time she'd ever ironed a man's shirt and found it overwhelming at first and felt the prickle of tears building up.

"Hey, it's no big deal. Sit down and have a coffee and I'll – "

"No, Mom. This is something I want to do for him. I need him to know I'm not a total basket case and that I can take care of him and Gracie. I have to do this."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Larson Farms  
December 23  
Mid-afternoon

Sheldon woke up, groggy and somewhat disoriented after sleeping for more hours in a row undisturbed than he had in months. He felt a rush of guilt for dumping Gracie on her grandparents with absolutely no warning.

He felt guilty about a lot of things, mostly about just showing up and then leaving again. He hoped it wouldn't disrupt Penny's therapy. Sometimes she seemed just like she was before Gracie's birth. He missed that Penny. He missed what they used to be when they were together, even in the rough times. He missed it all.

He pulled on his suit pants and Penny's Flash sleep shirt that was really his missing t-shirt and then walked downstairs and out to the Volvo. Shivering, he opened the rear hatch and pulled out a leather suitcase that had seen a lot of wear and tear and went back upstairs and changed into clothes more suitable for the weather and for traveling.

It had snowed and he had no intentions of freezing to death along some stretch of Nebraska highway.

He carefully folded his t-shirt and left it where Penny had tossed it when she'd awakened and dressed. She had slept with him, cuddled up against his back and then migrated around until she was lying across his chest. Her movements had awakened him but he made no attempts to deter her or to allow her to know that he was awake. He just wanted to savor the moments and pretend things were back to normal again.

Once her breathing had leveled out, he'd buried his face in her hair and just reveled in her scent and warmth. It was too much for him and he'd gently placed her back on her side and fallen back into a fitful sleep.

Sheldon opened the leather valise and removed his heavy knit turtleneck sweater and his jeans. They were clean, of course, but smelled like the leather of the valise that itself smelled like the sea. They'd been in it for a long time...years, in fact.

He rummaged around until he found his shaving kit and pulled on the jeans and socks and made his way to the bathroom to shave and brush his teeth. He would shower when he got to Raj's apartment back in Pasadena or wherever he was when he finally quit running for the day.

* * *

His mind was working on a problem 'in background' although psychologists and everyone else would say it was his subconscious that was agitating his memories but whatever the term, he solved his problem mathematically with a simple theorem.

Given: There are situations that are far beyond even his control. When such a situation arises, there is only one recourse – he has to accept the Universe's hard truth.

Proof: The people he can't live without can live without him.

Corollary: The best part of him was her.

He sat down heavily on the bed and froze, uncertain, unsure and uncomfortable with the realization that he no longer had a goal, a job, a marriage, a child or a future.

He had offers. What Nobel Prize winner doesn't? He could go abroad, guest-lecture his life away in Ivory Towers, untouched by things outside, safe and secure inside the familiar halls of Academia, venturing out only to travel to the next scheduled event.

Her voice at the door interrupted his thoughts and for once he was grateful for a distraction.

"Sheldon, it's almost time for dinner, sweetie." She looked into the bedroom and saw the open bag, his clothes, his suit and shirt in a garment bag.

"Sheldon, you can't just show up and then leave! We haven't talked; we haven't tried to work things out. I haven't apologized and I need to do that. I need to come clean."

"Penny, you were always the best part of me and you'll always be. You don't need to apologize for something that was totally out of your control. I have to leave. I don't belong here, Penny. I'm not sure where I belong any more. I've lost 'me' somewhere along the way and now I'm…"

"No! You don't get to run out on us now. You don't get to pull a 'Penny' and lose yourself like I almost lost me. I can't survive if you leave me now, Shel. I need you like air. If you leave, I'll die, baby, I just know I will."

"I missed you every day, Penny. I missed _us_. Why can't you come home and try and fix us?" Neither had left their respective fortresses, his on the bed, hers just inside the doorway.

"Therapy and…and I need to prove some things to myself before I can trust myself to be alone with Gracie and before I can let… I'm broken, Shel. I'm damaged goods and this is the best I've felt since I left."

"Then being here is good for you. I can see that now. Will – will having Grace with you help or hinder your progress? What does your therapist say about it? Have you spoken with her?"

He knew that she had. Jenny had quietly taken him aside and explained that Penny was on the phone with one of her 'support group buddies' and needed some time alone.

"I'm taking a prescription drug and – oh, I don't want to do it like this. I need to be wrapped up in you so I don't fly apart." One big tear made its way down her cheek and she seemed to shrink right before his eyes.

"Penny…" He was beside her in two long strides and wrapped her up in his arms and just held her while she cried. She _was_ getting better. Maybe they had a future after all. It was what he needed now more than anything – hope.

She buried her face in his sweater. It smelled like the sea and old saddles, an odd combination but one that somehow seemed right. It was old and she'd never seen it before.

Penny pulled out all the stops just as her therapist had suggested. She knew her husband and when he'd just 'shown up' she knew it wasn't a spur of the moment thing. It was well planned and was just one of several actions, but him leaving was the only one that affected her more than being Gracie's mom again.

"Sheldon, listen. Give me a week. Just promise to stay until after the New Year and see how much we can resolve. Just a week. That's all I'm asking for. Please – please say you'll stay? I want you to meet my therapist and maybe you can answer some of the questions she has that I can't. And besides," she dropped the noose around his neck, "you don't want to miss Gracie's first Christmas, do you, Moon Pie?"

Hope. They both wanted it so badly that he couldn't refuse her request, not if it might bring them back together from the abyss of divorce.

"Yes, Penny, I'll stay. I hadn't thought that far ahead. I'll need to call Raj and Bernie and then…oh, God, no presents! I'll need to go to the Mall in town…" He'd rather listen to Howard's mother for hours than go to the Mall.

"_We'll _go, Shel, we'll go together and my mom can watch Gracie. Let's eat and talk about what to get her for her first Christmas. I imagine my folks already have some ideas…"


	29. Chapter 29

Short but then I'm really stressed and short for time.

* * *

Chapter 29

Logan FarmsDec. 23 Evening

The mall had been crowded and exhausting and Penny was sprawled across the couch with her head in Sheldon's lap. He was talking with Bernadette about the empty house and she'd agreed to check on it on her way back from work each day. She also took him to task for resigning without even 'consulting' his best friends.

_'Sheldon, you just don't up and walk away from everything. We had no idea where you'd gone and Howie called your mom and she said she had no idea where you were since you hadn't talked with her in a while. Sheldon, define a 'while'.'_

"It's a length of time somewhat longer than a few days but less than…"

_'Damn you, Sheldon Cooper, she's worried about you and Gracie. She said –_ '

"Merry Christmas, Bernie. Make sure you and Howard open your gift from me when you're alone. I don't think Mrs. Wolowitz is quite ready for what I got you both. Any how, I hear Gracie and I need to take care of her stinky butt. Bye."

"Sheldon, did you just lie to Bernadette? Gracie's in the kitchen with my folks 'helping' to make gingerbread men. Did I hear Bernie right – you resigned from CalTech? Why?"

"Howard's mother was screeching at Howard about something and the woman gives me a headache. I did hear Grace and I do have a need, from time to time, to care for her stinky little butt. Selective parsing of phrases, Penny, not lying. I just do occasionally what politicians do constantly."

"And quitting your Chair at CalTech? Oh, don't look surprised. I've Google the hell out of you every chance I get. You're a famous prize-winning physicist and you deserve the honor. Why quit?" His resignation hadn't been announced. She'd overheard Bernadette's shrill voice taking him to task.

"Why not? It is just window dressing to attract grants and donations. It was all Gabelhauser and Sierbert's doing. Establish a Chair and shove me into it and keep me there like some prize on a shelf. I won the Nobel, not CalTech. Besides, I have offers from several universities to visit and lecture and there's nothing to keep me in Pasadena any longer."

The conversation was straying into territory she wasn't ready to explore – certainly not in the living room of her parents' home.

"Shel, we have a family tradition. We decorate the tree on Christmas Eve and then open one present. I know you bought me several but I only got you one but I think you'll like it."

"I'm sure I will."

"Sheldon, I have an appointment with my therapist on the 27th and…could you go with me? Please?"

"Shouldn't we talk about us and out situation before I meet your therapist? Shouldn't we have some idea of where we're going? Is she aware of our 'working week' arrangement?"

"Yeah, we should talk. Gracie sleeps the night through now so how about right after I put her down for the night?"

* * *

Gracie Cooper did not want to go to bed. There was too much happening in her new environment and she didn't want to miss a thing. Penny was nervous about talking about her life since leaving Pasadena and an uncooperative baby was not helping matters at all.

"Sheldon?" she called out. "I need some help in here." She wasn't certain just what she was supposed to do. Gracie was powdered and had on a fresh diaper and she seemed cranky.

"Here. I picked these up at the mall and put them in the freezer. She's teething and that's why you had such a messy diaper to deal with. I don't really approve of pacifiers but this serves a dual purpose and will ease the teething pains." He popped the cold pacifier into her mouth and then gently pushed Penny out of the room and closed the door.

Gracie started to wail and Penny turned to go back in but he stopped her. "Penny, she's teething. She's also excited in her own way what with all the activity and new people and she's overly tired. Let her cry herself to sleep."

"Sheldon! That's…that's cruel! She's hurting and – "

"This isn't my first rodeo, Penny. I learned the hard way and suffered from days of sleep deprivation until I finally talked with some people at work that have kids and more experience. If she's still fussy in an hour, we'll go to plan B."

"Plan B? Plan B? Plan B only works in the movies, Sheldon! Plan B?" She was getting aggravated and knew it was stress but still, she couldn't seem to ratchet down the drama.

"Soft Kitty, Penny, soft kitty, of course."


	30. Chapter 30

He's back and I've been so busy...

Reparat

* * *

Chapter 30

Gracie cried for another 7 minutes, whimpered and fussed for another 2 and then there was…blessed silence.

"Okay, I guess you have a lot more experience with her than I do but Sheldon, it breaks my heart to hear her cry and sound so unhappy and miserable."

He bites hit tongue, both literally and figuratively but he can't stop the look on his face or the thought that bloomed in his mind.

'_Where were you when she had colic? Her first bout of rhinovirus? The first time she vomited and I vomited right along with her? The damned staphylococcus infection in her ears?'_

She doesn't read minds but Penny has always been incredibly adept at interpreting and expanding on what she sees in people's eyes and faces.

She leaned against her husband – husband, such a descriptive and empty term for him right now – and buried her face in his sweater, inhaling his scent, memorizing it, and then pulling him down in a frantic kiss, trying to make amends, to offer some comfort, anything to let him know that she can't imagine what he went through and that she's so sorry...

His brain goes on autopilot and before either of them can stop it, they're half-naked and locked in an embrace, lips fused, arms entwined. She's all over him and his lips and fingertips are everywhere on her body, relearning curves and hot spots, noting, in background, the weight she lost.

She was wet and when he slipped a finger between her folds her muscles clamped down on it and she whimpered – but it was in fear, not in passion.

"Shel, I – I can't. Look, let me get you off and then we can sleep or talk or anything you want. I just can't – "

"Have you discussed this fear of being touched down 'there' with your therapist?" In many ways he was still shy about using descriptive words about sex parts even though he did use them but not in a conversation like this.

"I – I'm afraid I might get pregnant and go crazy again. We've talked about it, around it, and yet nothing seems help. I – " She stopped and curled up on his chest as best she could and then whispered, "_I_ don't even touch myself there, honey. My therapist says that I'm being foolish but the fear of losing myself like I did before…it's real, Shel, it's not in my head and I'm not crazy…I'm afraid."

Sheldon rolled over and found his discarded underwear and slipped it on and then a t-shirt. He sat back down on the edge of the bed without a clue what to do.

"Let's take a nap and then talk about it some more. You're tired and I could use a few minutes of quiet time. We should talk with your therapist about this."

"You don't understand. None of you do. I don't want another baby and the idea of it just scares the hell out of me. I lost everything that was important to me with Gracie. I lost my baby girl and the man I love - to destructive depression. I won't risk that again. We can always use our…"

"You told me to move on, to 'find someone else' in the letter you left me. I did. I took steps and I moved on."

"There's someone else?" Her voice rose and her face betrayed her thoughts. She should never have slammed the door on 'them' with that damned letter and now he was going to tell her goodbye.

"I don't cheat, Penny, and we're still married but I did take steps to order my life in light of your absence. I never intended to file for divorce until the mess with Gracie's ears came up but I wanted to be sure that … Penny, I had a vasectomy a month after you left. It was a stupid thing to do but I wanted to ensure that if I did 'move on' that the only baby I'd ever father was with the only woman I could ever love - you."

If someone had told her that a heart could be broken just by the look on someone's face she never would have believed it but here she was, feeling like someone was ripping her guts out through her chest. He looked totally bereft and lost and so damned sorry and all that was blanketed in the fear of losing her – again. And he'd done nothing wrong – not a damned thing.

She stared at him without saying a word until finally he got up, dressed, and quietly left the room. She didn't say anything to him nor did she try and follow him. If he left, so be it. Her mood change had slipped up and here she was, watching the very reason she hadn't taken a razor blade to her wrists, sitting passively, while he walked out on her.

Earlier, Penny's mother had had taken him asid and told him to call her therapist and introduce himself and explain his presence back in her patient's life. She needed to know what was going on in her life.

'_Dr. Cooper, depression is like a shark swimming in a quiet sea of emotions, waiting for the right combination of mood and hormones and then, WHAM! It attacks and the subject is prone to mood swings, some violent, but I don't mean physically violent.' _

'_The change from one mood to another can be so quick and subtle that one minute your wife is a lamb and the next, a lioness. It can be dealt with but it takes time, patience and love.' _

'_Do you have the patience? Do you love you wife enough to wait, work with her, love her and always, always, forgive her?'_

Sheldon quietly walked down the hallway and checked on Gracie, who was snoring softly. Sheldon picked up the discarded pacifier and softly closed the door to her room, sat down in Penny's grandmother's old rocking chair and propped his feet up on a nightstand and fell into a fitful doze.

He had the patience of Job but was still only a man.

A/N: Ending coming up. Just have personal things to do that I haven't done in a long time.


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: Still not going home, damn it! This is wrapping it up but got a twofer coming your way Monday - last chapter and epilogue.

* * *

Penny straightened up her clothing and stepped into the bathroom and ran a brush through her hair. _'Maybe I'll get it cut short and then it won't be a bother to anyone.'_

She passed Gracie's room and put her ear against the door and smiled when she heard baby snores and then took a deep breath and walked down the stairs to talk with Sheldon. Maybe they could take a walk and just talk without the possibility of being interrupted.

Her mom was sitting in the kitchen, stirring her coffee. From the sound of the spoon striking the cup, she was pissed about something.

"Hey, Mom, have you seen Sheldon?"

"You need to watch that video he sent when he packed up your clothes and stuff. It's still in the laptop where it's been since we got it. Watch it and then explain to me why your husband is sleeping in the rocking chair in his daughter's room instead of in your bed?"

"We…I froze up when we got…intimate. I told him I couldn't have sex because I was afraid of getting pregnant again and losing my mind. I've lost so much because of this and my mood swung and he caught both barrels."

"Like I said, watch the damned video. I don't think he thought anyone but you would watch it and he said some things that will probably hurt you but consider his position. You know he almost started to cry when he talked about a letter you left him. Said he would never, ever, love another woman and that if he did slip up, he'd made sure Gracie would never have a half-bother or sister. Now, get yourself a cup of coffee and watch the damned video."

It was short, not more than 4 minutes or so but it seemed to drag on and on as he reviewed each and every thing he'd done wrong (in his mind) and finally just begged her to come home and try and work things out. It was a big house and they would have separate rooms and he'd make sure Gracie was kept out of her hair.

She watched it many times and each time she locked on to something he said but that she'd missed earlier. She knew one thing: Sheldon Cooper loved her and her daughter more than life itself and he had offered her the knife and bared his throat (figuratively) by opening up to emotions he'd kept carefully hidden.

Penny closed the laptop and sat back and sipped her cold coffee. She knew that she had a huge problem to overcome and she knew that the only person capable of helping her was upstairs in his daughter's bedroom, sleeping.

Her parents were sitting at the kitchen table deliberately ignoring her reactions to the video. Her mother felt a pang of guilt but her father – he almost enjoyed the pain she gave voice to in her sobs. He would be a tough nut to crack considering that she'd lied to him almost every day since returning to the farm.

"Mom, Dad, I need some time with Sheldon tomorrow. We're going to brave the mall again and I'd like you to keep an eye on Grace for us, okay?"

"Make sure you buy that man a winter coat. He's going to catch his death in this weather and he's too tall to wear your father's coat and we threw out all your brother's stuff. Just don't be too late. Your sister says she's going to 'drop by' and meet 'the science guy' you dumped and then will be by for Christmas dinner. Apparently the oven in the trailer is on the fritz or she's too damned lazy to cook."

"I – I didn't dump him. I ran away. There's a difference. Tell Darcy to watch her mouth around Sheldon. I won't let her tear him down like she always does any guy I bring home."

"Then stand up to her and let Sheldon know you care."

* * *

Penny washed her face in the small bathroom and then put Visine in to flush out the redness. She didn't want Sheldon to know she'd been crying. There were things said in the video that broke her heart, mostly because they were true, but the worst part was his absolute acceptance of total blame for her problems.

Sheldon was having a dream of events after he'd left Heidelberg and just bummed around Europe, getting his bearings and trying to come to terms with his the rest of his life.

He'd always had a desire to see Greece and stand where the great minds of the Classical Greek age stood and so he hopped a train and then a series of buses until he found himself in Athens. He didn't fly if he could avoid it.

Sheldon was following a tourist map and searching through the busy and crowded streets for the Acropolis and stopped at a street café for coffee and something to eat. He asked his waiter for directions but the fellow only spoke Greek. A young woman sitting at the next table spoke passable English and gave him directions.

Within the hour, Sheldon Cooper was standing where the great philosopher Aristotle had stood 2,500 years prior and lectured his students. He felt humbled and small in comparison to those early Heroes of Science.

"Are you in trouble, sir? Why are you crying? Are you lost? Broke, perhaps?"

The heavily accented English broke him out of his daydream and he wiped his cheeks with a clean handkerchief.

"No," he said, not looking at the woman who had interrupted his reverie, the same woman who'd given him directions. "I'm just in awe of being here where Plato and Aristotle stood all those years ago. Nothing is wrong, but thank you for your concern."

"You are a student of philosophy?" He turned and looked at her and judged her to be probably in her early 30s although he wasn't very good at judging ages. She was short and wore a long black peasant skirt, white blouse that was tucked in and buttoned to the neck, sandals, and her long almost black hair was done up in a tight bun. His first impression was that she was a librarian.

"No. I carry two PhD's in physics and several undergraduate degrees in various other disciplines. I'm just taking a break before beginning my career in academia."

"Ah, I see. You are a modern day Aristotle or Archimedes. Perhaps seeking your own 'bath of enlightenment' like Archimedes?"

"You don't even know me and yet you mock me. It's late and I have to find a hostel or some place to stay on the cheap. Good bye."

He walked away from her and she felt ashamed. Yes, she had been poking fun at him because he was so serious. Life was too short to be so serious all the time.

"Wait! I know a place you can stay and it's cheap and even provides a simple supper and breakfast."

She walked beside him along a narrow cobblestone street, dodging motorbikes and kids and stopping periodically to look at something in one of the market stands that lined the street.

"We are here. Come." She grabbed his hand and dragged him through a narrow alley that ended in a courtyard formed by whitewashed stone and cement apartments with public balconies. He followed her up a narrow flight of stairs and the she stopped him.

"Do not get the wrong idea about this, Professor. I feel guilty for poking fun at you, nothing more." She took a huge key from her purse and unlocked the heavy door and led him into the apartment.

"You can sleep on the sofa. I will have supper prepared in a little while. If you wish to bathe, it's through there." She pointed to a doorway that was covered by strings of beads. "We have no hot water but I'm sure a young man such as yourself is used to cold showers." She smiled and he judged her age to be late 20s, younger than he originally thought.

Sheldon simply nodded and went into the small room that had an old cracked bathtub with a showerhead and a cheap cotton curtain that ran inside around the tub on a metal frame. There was a gas heater under the tub but Sheldon figured it didn't work.

Shuddering at the thought of the pathogens and bacteria that called the tub home, he hurriedly bathed and then redressed himself and walked back out into the large room.

"Come. Sit. You never told me your name."

"Dr. Sheldon Cooper. You never told me yours, either." They stood across the table from one another, going through the social protocols of meeting a stranger. That struck Sheldon as humorous since he'd just taken a very cold shower within 10 feet of this new acquaintance, without even knowing her name.

"Mea Papandropoulous. Sorry, but I am nervous. I am not accustomed to entertaining in my apartment. Please, sit." She handed him a fork and spoon wrapped in a clean cloth napkin and gestured to his spot at the table.

"I hope you like stew. It is all I have until…until I am paid. There is bread but no butter but I do have Ouzo so the meal will be traditional."

The stew was delicious and he complimented her on it. The licorice-flavored soft drink was delicious and he complimented her on it, too. He liked licorice.

She worked at the docks as a 'counter' and occasionally on the wharf when they needed help cleaning and dressing a large catch. Sadly, there were fewer and fewer 'large catches' and the men had to go farther and farther out to sea in pursuit of fish.

He nodded as if understanding. Actually, he did understand. It was simple. The population grew while the means of feeding it, fish, was fast becoming depleted. The same thing happened in the New England fishing grounds.

"Where do you sleep? I don't see a – oh, no. I will not take your bed. I will sleep on the floor, Mea." He had suddenly realized that there was no 'bedroom'.

She blushed and took the plates and rinsed them off. Sheldon jumped up to help, trying to be a good 'guest' as his mother had taught him, but he got dizzy and sat back down.

"Sheldon, I think you're a little drunk. The Ouzo is like a thief in the night. Just sit while I take care of these."

"Drunk! I don't drink, Mea. I have no tolerance for alcohol. I think…I think…"

He woke up the next morning on the couch. His head was pounding and he instantly knew he was alone in the apartment. He went to the sink and guzzled water from the spigot and then took stock of his situation.

He was naked and his dick was slick and his fingers smelled like…

"Shel, wake up, sweetie. C'mon, baby, let's get you to bed."

He awoke instantly, the shame of the memory/dream hit him full force and he couldn't look her in the eye. Just because he couldn't remember the event did not make it any less real. It happened. His memory was proof of that.

He didn't want to think about what happened next.

"Penny, I lied to you, to all of you, for so long. I did have coitus…in Greece, but I don't remember it at all. I was drunk on Ouzo and Mea must have…done it while I was passed out. And then she…I'm so sorry I lied but…"

"Hush. Is that all you're worried about? It doesn't matter one bit, Shel. What matters is that we have a chance to make things right again between us. Don't let something that happened so long ago mess up our chance to be happy again, please?"

She led him back to their room, undressed him and then herself, slipped into bed beside him and then did what she did best…loved her husband.

Penny was tense and when he entered her she cried out softly but then instinct took over and she rode him to an orgasm that was so intense and sudden that she bit his shoulder as wave after wave of hot spasms tore her apart.

"Sheldon…" she sighed into his chest later. "I think things are going to be better between us. I – I love you and I want us to be a family together. Let's talk about going home, Shel. To Pasadena. I think I'm ready."

"Does that mean we can skip the Mall?" Hope springs eternal.

"No."

"Shit."

* * *

A/N: Not the end but close.


	32. Chapter 32

Sorry for the brevity. Got R/L in my face.

* * *

Chapter 32  
Only Once

Hell aka Omaha Mall

"Penny, Gracie will play with the wrapping paper and boxes more than the gifts and besides, there's only so much room in the Volvo – "

"I missed out on 7 months of her and – and – I want every day to be Christmas for her."

"Okay, but you'll spoil her and there'll be hell to pay, Penny." He pulled his old heavy Navy Pea Coat around him. It still smelled like the Aegean and he'd surprised Penny by pulling it out of the battered valise.

She insisted on making him wear his turtleneck and jeans saying that the combination of those and his coat made him look 'exotic'. Secretly, she wanted to run into some of her old friends (and ex-boyfriends) so they could see just lucky she'd been in catching a husband who wasn't 'the drunk behind the wheel of the pickup'.

* * *

Luck was with her and she ran into her nemesis from high school, 'Loose Lauren' who'd made it a habit of trying to steal Penny's boyfriends away. Because she was 'loose', she snatched quite a few during high school. It wasn't until her senior year that she developed her unique oral skill set and that seemed to stymie sluts like Lauren.

"Penny? Is it really you? You look fantastic." They'd done the hug and air kiss thing but Penny noticed that she hadn't taken her eyes off Sheldon for one instant.

"Oh, where are my manners? Honey, this is Lauren Holt. We went to high school. Lauren, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper…my husband."

The ice that coated the words 'my husband' and the warning look Penny shot her told Lauren everything she needed to know. Old Penny was still insecure in her relationship and that meant that this _Doctor_ wasn't as married as she thought.

"Nice to meet one of Penny's friends, even the sluts, and there seem to be an over abundance of those in the Greater Omaha area. Penny, I think we need to get back to the farm. Gracie will be needing her bottle and I know your folks want to retire early. It was interesting meeting you, Lucy. Penny, let's go home."

"It's _Lauren_, not Lucy." Her eyes were mere slits and she glared at Sheldon, wondering how he'd look Christmas morning with a black eye or two. Sheldon saw her stance change and her fists, adorned with gaudy rings, clench in anger and frustration. His smirk really set her off.

"Oh, sorry. 'Loose', Lucy, you can see how I might confuse them especially since Penny told me your nickname in high school. 'Peanut butter legs?' I suppose she meant how easily they were to spread but she was being nice. She should have just told me you were the school whore but she's much too cultured and gracious to say – "

"You – " Lauren was shaking with rage while Penny was trying hard not to laugh out loud. '_Peanut butter legs?_'

"Penny, can we _please_ leave this dreary place. I fear my IQ will suffer if I have to meet any more of your mentally challenged friends from high school."

Lauren looked ready to explode so Penny grabbed Sheldon's hand and smiled brightly at her and gave a cheery 'Merry Christmas, Lucy!' and dragged Sheldon out to the car, laughing the entire way.

* * *

"Sheldon, honey, that was so mean of you. It's Christmas and you're supposed to be full of good cheer."

Secretly she was tickled pink that Sheldon had gotten the upper hand and then taken Lauren down a peg. He seemed so innocent at times but she knew there was a layer of evil just lurking beneath the surface, ready to deal with people who wronged him or his friends or family.

"I smiled when I called her the school 'whore'. I mean, really, Penny, how much nicer could I have been? You told me about Lauren a few years ago, don't you remember? I had to ask you to explain the phrase 'peanut butter legs' to me. I was just getting you some paybacks. Isn't that what couples do? Watch out for one another?"

She looped her arm through his and then squeezed herself against him. They were definitely on the road to where they'd been before she delivered. A couple. Yeah.

* * *

Larson Farms

There was a Ford pickup truck parked in front of the house when they got back. Penny went into hyper drive explaining about her sister, Darcy, and her husband, known by his pet name, 'Sparky', because he had once been sent to juvenile hall for setting fire to an ex-girlfriend's trailer house. He was lucky. He was only 17 and the courts treated it as a juvenile case. Still, he got 6 months on the 'juvie P-Farm' doing planting, hoeing and weeding. He also got his GED there as part of his sentencing.

She went into warp drive, however, when she got to the part about his drinking and the problems they had in their marriage.

"Sometimes he drinks too much and Darcy never did know when to shut her yap and so she gets the occasional slap but it's no big deal, honey."

"There is never any reason or justification for a man to strike a woman, Penny – never!" That excluded Gisla, the Israeli he'd met when he was checking out the Eastern Med after paying off a trawler in Lebanon. That was long ago and it had been part of his training and he always pulled his punches while she never did. She broke his nose on more than one occasion and dislocated his shoulder once when she used an arm bar on him but he never complained. It was part of his learning curve.

"Sheldon, it's their business. I just wanted you prepared for any verbal 'combat' you might witness at dinner. Sparky's a good guy with a steady job and he doesn't cheat on her and – and he's the best she could do."

Sheldon just grunted and nodded. He had his own memories of his folks fighting tooth and nail when his father came home drunk. Five year old Sheldon had hidden in a closet when his mother's nose began to bleed and his brother had been knocked across the kitchen when he'd tried to help his mother.

He'd seen his mother with a split lip or a mouse on her cheek on more than one occasion and Sheldon and his brother sported bruises and worse when his Daddy tried to turn him into a man instead of a 'book-reading Homo' or if George 'got in the way'. He was a mean drunk and Sheldon hardly mourned his passing and couldn't understand why his mother had been so upset.


	33. Chapter 33

Greetings. I am hurrying to finish everything. I have some lung issues that do not seem to respeond to medications and I'm back in the 40-bed hospital that serves our community. They have wi-fi so I'm happy although breathing is a labor. Dug^2 is always here and he's my rock when I panic. Read and enjoy. it rambles but then so does my mind, lol.

* * *

Chapter 33

Larson Farms

"He said _what?" _ Penny's mom could not seem to catch her breath, she was laughing too hard at Penny's recital of the events at the mall.

"Peanut Butter Legs! I swear, Mom, I thought she was going to go off on him but he just smiled at her and then we left but not before he graciously called her the school whore."

Sheldon and Penny's father were out in search of the perfect Christmas tree. Sheldon rode along in the jeep while Penny's father groused that 'no granddaughter of mine is going to have some artificial tree for her first Christmas." Sheldon didn't really care nor did he think the Gracie would care one bit. To her it would just be something that had shiny things on it and was perfect to climb up on.

"Son, you and Penny, are you going to go home to Pasadena or what? She's a lot better, especially since you showed up. This post-whatever – "

"Postpartum, Wyatt, it's Postpartum Depression. Used to be called the 'Baby Blues' before the shrinks made it an 'official' condition."

"Yeah, well, she's better and I want to see her stay that way. You two are the most unlikely pair I've ever laid eyes on but it works and that's all that's important. Make her happy, son, and you'll make Jennifer happy and me happy and if we're all happy, you have _got_ to be happy, right? No losers."

He pulled the jeep up to a stand of pines and got out and grabbed the chain saw from the back of the jeep. "Pick out a good one, son. First Christmas as a family and Gracie's first."

* * *

"Oh, crap, it's Darcy and Sparky. Mom, I think I feel a headache coming on and I'm going to lie down with Gracie until Shel's back, assuming Daddy doesn't kill him."

"Your father really likes your young man. He says he's 'a damned improvement over the little Squint'."

"Mom! Leonard's a nice guy, really. He's just not the one for me, that's all. I like my men with blue eyes and big hands and tall, gotta be tall, and smart. Gotta be scary smart. And sweet."

"Well, Sheldon is tall. He has blue eyes and he has those long fingers that can drive a woman – "

"MOTHER! I am not having this conversation with you. Not now. Not ever!"

"What conversation?" Darcy stood in the doorway of the kitchen, a taller version of her mother. Once she might have been considered pretty but she was carrying 20 extra pounds, her eyes were washed out and she had developed a whiney tone to her voice and was terribly jealous of anything her baby sister did that smacked of success.

Marrying a Nobel Prize Winner and having a beautiful house and daughter were the most successful things to have occurred to anyone in the county since Prohibition was repealed. The only saving grace was that she'd blown it – big time – just like every other chance at success she'd had in her life.

"We were talking about her husband's hands. They're big and have long fingers and – "

"Mother!" She turned beet red and hid her face in her hands. Her mother had warned her that 'paybacks are a bitch, honey'.

"So where is the Great Man? Is that your ride out there, Penny? The one with the big scrape down the side? Not much of a car and not much of a driver either."

"For your information, I'm the one who put the scrape in the tank. I got dizzy and ploughed into the side of the house. Sheldon insisted on a Volvo station wagon after reviewing all the safety data. We'll probably trade it in on something else now but that'll be up to him."

Darcy frowned. She expected to get a rise out of her sister but she'd just explained away the 'tank' as if it were any every day thing.

"Okay, well, where is he?"

"Out with your father getting a real Christmas tree for Gracie's first Christmas. They took the jeep but should have been back a while ago. You know your father – it has to be perfectly symmetrical and I think Sheldon's right there with him."

* * *

"Sheldon, son, surely to God _this_ one is symmetrical enough? I'll admit that the first one was top-heavy and the second one had that big hole in it but this one is…"

"Perfect! Cut it down and let's get home. I swear to Isaac Newton that all it does around here is snow!" Sheldon shivered realistically although he really wasn't all that cold. He was enjoying himself and so was his father-in-law. Wyatt had an eye for symmetry and he shared Sheldon's zeal for perfection.

They tied the tree onto the roof of the Jeep Cherokee and got in. It was really snowing; it had been coming down in huge flakes that seemed to take forever to settle but now the wind was picking up and you couldn't see your hand before you face.

The Jeep wouldn't start.

Sheldon shook his cell phone and groused, "No bars."

"It's only a few miles. We'll walk it. Won't take long at all. We'll bring back the tractor and tow it back."

Wyatt reached behind the passenger seat and pulled out an emergency backpack. Sheldon's opinion of his father-in-law went up 2-fold.

"Can't be too careful, son. There are two thermal blankets, some heat tabs, plastic water bottles, some pop-flares, a compass, a knife, and a survival pistol. We got some mean critters round here in winter. Get right ravenous, 'specially in snow."

He laughed at the look on Sheldon's face. "It's for snakes in the spring and summer. Worst we get in winter is the occasional badger or coyote but they keep their distance. Oh, there's a wool cap in there. Put it on. Eighty-five – "

"Percent of heat loss occurs through the head. The only thing I'd add to your pack might be some cylume sticks in the event you had to mark your path or set out a perimeter."

"Hadn't thought of those. Good idea."

They walked. And walked. Sheldon kept a hand on Wyatt's shoulder to keep from losing him in the dark blowing snow.

"This is a damned blizzard. The channel 10 guy and I are gonna have words!" Sheldon had timed their walk and kept their pace count (it was just one of the things his OCD made automatic) and he knew they'd either walked right past the farm complex or had gradually circled around.

"Wyatt, by my count, we have walked 3.2 miles so either we walked past the farm or – "

"Or we've gradually circled to the right and will probably stumble on the stand of pines soon. Listen, son, I think we're in deep shit. Can't see where we're going and we should have stayed with the Jeep. We haven't walked past the farm because we would have run into fencing. Nope. 1500 acres and we're at the far end. We need to find shelter. Jennifer and Penny will come find us when the storm breaks."

"More than likely they'll find us in the Spring," sighed Sheldon and Wyatt just laughed and pointed out the shape of the jeep in the distance.

"Oh, ye of little faith!" Wyatt's voice boomed out.

"It was Science and the fact that right-handed people tend to drift right when walking without a fixed point of destination."

"Picky, picky, picky…"

They clamored inside the Jeep and Wyatt tried the starter and – it started.

"Must be a Christmas miracle, Sheldon." Wyatt wasn't terribly religious at the best of times.

"Hokum. Let's get going. We have a tree to level and decorate and I could use a hot shower."

"Level? Why the damned cut's near perfect, Sheldon. Wyatt Larson has never made a crooked cut in his whole damned life."

"We'll see. I propose we tie a string from the tip to the ceiling and use it as a perpendicular to facilitate our endeavors."

"Yeah, sure. Facilitate our endeavors. Boy, don't you ever speak plain English?"

"Picky, picky, picky."

And thus a friendship was born.

* * *

Penny had been patiently ignoring her sister's comments to her mother about anything and everything as only a put-upon younger sister can do when she saw the lights of the Jeep sweep across the front of the house.

"They're back! Oh, wow! They got a monster tree!" Penny was trying to see Sheldon through the snow. He hadn't been wearing enough warm clothes and she worried about his health. He was far from frail but still, she didn't want him sick for Christmas.

Wyatt came trudging up the porch steps and stomped the snow off his boots and then stepped into the warm house. "I'm getting too old for this crap. A man my age should be pampered and coddled, brought his slippers, a shot of whiskey and a willingly wench, not forced out into the blizzard to fetch a Yule tree."

Jennifer handed him a beer and whispered that the 'willing wench' would appear later.

Sheldon dragged the tree up the steps and leaned it against the front of the house and kicked off his boots and went inside. Wyatt was going on about their walk in the blizzard and 'picky, picky, picky' would soon be the family's new moniker for Wyatt and Sheldon.

"Hey, Moon Pie. Where ya been?" Penny wrapped her arms around her husband's middle and squeezed him. "I was getting worried."

"The Jeep wouldn't start so we decided to walk but then the blizzard hit and we ended up back where we started – "

"Picky, picky, picky," Wyatt's voiced called out. "You're so damned picky."

"But you drove up in the Jeep, honey." Now she was confused.

"It started. Wyatt claims divine miracle while I say – mmph" Her lips shut him up and his thoughts soon traveled upstairs to their warm bed and –

"Sheldon! Put me down! Sheldon…" He scooped her up and nodded to his in-laws and said he just wanted to go check on Gracie.

"Well, there goes my help. Sparky, get a piece of string and tie it to the top of the tree…"

* * *

Penny's room

"Shelley! My parents are downstairs and so are my sister and her husband! They're going to think that - "

He shut her up with a hard kiss while pulling her jeans and panties down around her ankles in one move. He pushed her back on the bed and dragged off her shoes and socks and grabbed her jeans by the hems and dragged them off and tossed them in a corner.

"Not if you don't scream when you climax, Penny." She was already wet and from her scent, ready for coitus. Sheldon got on his knees between her legs and placed himself at her entrance and then eased into her, still aware of her issues.

"Holy crap on a cracker, how did _that_ get so damned cold?" His cock was like ice and she thought furiously about where she could buy a novelty item she'd seen in the Dollar Tree catalog – a 'Cock Sock'. A big one.

Wyatt hid his grin and his wife abruptly went to 'make coffee' when the four tree-trimmers heard Penny's giggling shrieks and then a rhythmic thumping that got faster and faster as the headboard of Penny's childhood bed slammed into the wall, knocking down memorabilia that had hung there for years.

Penny's sister got a faraway look in her eyes remembering other times while Sparky just grinned at Wyatt and muttered something about how the 'scrawny dude's got some drive'. By mutual agreement the combatant couple drove home to engage in combat of another kind.

* * *

Probably hours later

Penny slipped on a robe and went to check on Gracie and then eased her way downstairs to see if her parents were still awake. She felt deliciously sore in places and she didn't mind it at all. Things were getting back on course and if the therapist gave her blessing, they'd be heading back to Pasadena after the New Year to become a family once again.

She glanced at the old Regulator on the mantle – 3am. They'd made love and slept and then did it again and she'd never felt safer and more wanted before. Sheldon had done things she didn't even know he knew how to do but when she tried to talk, he just kissed her or took her breath away with a caress or touch.

"Come back to bed, Penny. You'll catch cold," Sheldon whispered, wrapping her in the old quilt from her bed that he'd wrapped himself in.

"Can we just sit on the couch and watch the fire? The tree looks so pretty in the firelight. The house looks so nice this time of year all snow-covered and cozy – like a Currier & Ives lithograph."

"You don't have to leave, Penny. You can stay here and – "

"Wait! Wait a minute! I thought we agreed that I'd be coming back with you to Pasadena and – "

"I've decided not to go back to Pasadena. There's nothing there for me anymore. I've got offers from many universities to lecture, study, just appear on campus for alumni donations…"

"But Sheldon, you said you wanted us to try and be a family again. That's what this week was all about, IS all about."

"Yep, but I've decided to accept a teaching/research position far, far from California and the commute would be murder." He was toying with her and when she started to sniffle he knew he'd pushed too far.

"Penny, I'm the new Nobel Guest Lecturer and Professor at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. Think your folks would mind putting up with us until we can find some land and build a house and start our own spread? Longhorns and Santa Gertrudis to start. I'll expect you to manage your dad's place as well as supervise ours and – "

"But what about our friends? Our house?" She wanted it but wasn't sure if her husband was aware of just what he was suggesting. She wriggled around until she was straddling him so that she could look into his eyes when he spoke.

"They'll still be our friends and I've leased the house to Howard and Bernadette as their Christmas present for $1 a month. I hadn't decided on Omaha for certain but I knew I couldn't go back to Pasadena without you and Gracie but then I found this place..."

"We'll have to pay them rent – I won't freeload off my folks."

"Done. And since I don't start until summer, I'll be able to work around here and relearn how things are done."

"Sheldon, am I dreaming?" She jumped when he pinched her butt. "Okay. Let's go back to bed. I love you, Sheldon. Merry Christmas. Thanks for the best presents ever."

"Ilove you more than anything, Penny, but there was No way I was going back to the mall, Penny. It seemed a logical choice."

"Shellllllllldon...?" He knew that drawn out use of his name spelled trouble.

"Yes, Penny?"

"Your vascectomy - it is reversible, right?"

* * *

A/N: Merry Christmas.


End file.
